


Small Town, Big Love

by buk19



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, G!p Lexa, Girl Penis Lexa, High School, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Lots of Angst, Love/Hate, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Player Lexa, Sexual Tension, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, jock Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:17:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 66,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9102073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buk19/pseuds/buk19
Summary: Clarke moves back to her hometown for her junior year of high school. But so much has changed..including the addition of the Woods sisters. Lexa and Clarke get off on the wrong foot.Lexa is the player of the high school and knows just how to infuriate Clarke Griffin. Lexa's older sister is sweet and more of the school's good girl. Watch these two sisters turn Clarke Griffin's world upside down.Jealously. Sex. And lots of angst to come. (Enemy to friends to lovers fic).





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

_Clarke's POV_

I walk into the school for the first day of my junior year at Polis High School. It's weird being here. I haven't been in this town since I was 13 years old. We moved to Los Angeles after my mom got a job offer there. I never fit in there though. All the kids were tanned and skinny little Barbie dolls. I wasn't. I have curves. I like to eat. I don't want to always be hungry and constantly talk about boys. The girls didn't like me at my high school. My mom put me in this high school where all the rich and famous' kids went to. It just wasn't my kind of thing. I missed the South. I missed Polis and its small town charm, where everyone knew each other. Polis, where a meal is bigger than the palm of my hand. Polis, where the whole town would come out to see the Homecoming football game. Polis, where we would buy fresh produce from Farmer Pike's farm a couple miles down from our house.

But my mom wanted more. My mom wanted glamour and glory. She convinced my dad to try out city life and he hated it just as much as me. My dad tried hard to like Los Angeles and no matter how much he didn't like it, he never complained to my mom. My mom was his whole world. And then I walked in on my mom with the Pilates instructor, Brad...and let's just say they were doing a lot more than Pilates. 

She apologized half heartedly to me and my dad and she left our house for Brad's. Since then, I've only seen her briefly while she moved out and at the court house where she granted custody to my Dad. We decided we wanted to move back to Polis shortly after. And here I am. 16 years old and a junior in high school. 

I hope I fit in here. My hair is different now though. It's longer and has pink tips. I have a star constellation tattoo on my wrist. I have a bunch of ear piercings now too. That's the one thing about L.A that I loved. I could be myself there. Sometimes Polis felt a little too small, but it's still my home and it's good to be back. I've changed since I left this town and I just hope nobody is too disappointed with how I've turned out. As I walk through the halls, I just know people are talking about me. Like I said, Polis is a small town. Everyone knows everyone. 

I get to homeroom and look around, hoping to see familiar faces from elementary school. And then I make eye contact with Finn Collins. Finn was my on again off again boyfriend in elementary school. Right before I left for L.A, he was my first kiss. It was under the big tree in his backyard. I was 13 years old. He pressed his chapped lips to mine and tried moving them a bit. I was a tad nervous but I kissed him back. He gave me a necklace of a deer he made. Finn was always so sweet. 

I sit next to him and tap his shoulder. In that quick moment before he turned around to see who was tapping him, I suddenly grew nervous. What if he didn't remember me?

Finn, with his scraggly hair and playboy smirk, turns around and his eyes widen in recognition instantly.

"Clarke? Clarke Griffin?!" He screams out in a Southern drawl. "As I live and breathe, get on over here!" He gets up and motions for me to hug him.

My cheeks hit up red that he's making a such a scene but I hug him anyways. His hands roam a little too much for my liking. Just before I'm about to pull away he does so. He smiles and sits back down.

"I can't believe Clarke Griffin is back in town! How was city life? Too fast for ya? You were always such a sweetie, such a good girl you were. You know my dad always said we were suppose to be the town darlings. I just gotta say it, you've grown Clarke. You've grown up real good."

Finn is talking so fast and I barely can get a word in edge wise. All I can focus on is his eyes staring at my chest. I mask my discontent and politely smile, deciding in that moment that Finn Collins is not the kind of boy I want to spend my time with. I guess Mr. Collins was wrong. I would never be Finn Collins' girl again.

\---

After hometown, I go to Calculus. Most of the students are seniors from what I can tell. I recognize one of the guys in the front, Lincoln Forrester. He was Octavia's on again off again boyfriend in grade school just like mine was Finn. We used to be the popular kids of the school.. not that I really loved the title much. Me, Lincoln, Octavia, Finn, Bellamy, and Roan. Lincoln and Roan were a year older and Bellamy was two years older. We were all thick as thieves back in the day. 

Lincoln looks different now. He used to be a scrawny little kid, but now he's tall and muscular. He's still bald, which I giggle to myself about. We always used to tease him about his lack of hair. I go up to him from behind and tap his shoulder. He turns around and immediately recognizes me as well. 

"Oh my god!" He exclaims and runs up to me, enveloping me in a warm bear hug. I laugh and he picks me up and twirls me around.

"Clarke Griffin! Last I heard, you were living with the rich and famous in Los Angeles. Are you back?! Octavia is gonna be so happy!" 

I laugh and look over at the chair next him. There is a girl sitting next to him. She has honey brown eyes and brown wavy hair. She's wearing glasses and her eyes are warm. She looks a little confused but she smiles and me. I smile back. She is very pretty so it's hard to tear my eyes away.

"I just moved back. It's good to see you Lincoln. I miss the whole crew." 

"We miss you too! Things have changed a bit since you left..which reminds me. This is Laurel Woods. Laurel is a senior here. Her sister Lexa is a junior. They moved here a few years back and now we are all pretty close. Laurel, you remember how we told you about our best friend who moved away before you and Lexa moved to Polis? Well that's Clarke!" 

"It's great to meet you." Laurel says to me and her accent sounds like she's from the North.

"Lovely to meet you as well." I respond, not being able to hide the blush that creeps up on me. She's just so pretty and her smile is sincere. Smiles were rarely sincere in L.A. 

The teacher is late to class so Lincoln fills me in on the last three years. Bellamy just joined the police force. After high school, Roan joined the military and he's overseas now. Octavia is a junior now too like me. Her and Lincoln have been dating all through high school...on and off of course. And Finn. Well Finn is the player of the group. He jumps from one girl's bed to the other. He's also captain of the football team. 

And then Lincoln talks about Laurel and Lexa. Laurel is a senior like Lincoln. Her sister Lexa is a year younger and a junior like me. Lexa is a player as well. She sleeps around..a lot. She's captain of the girl's basketball team. Lexa apparently acts very entitled and bitchy but Lincoln says she secretly has a big heart. Not going to lie, I'm not all too excited to meet her. She sounds like all the girls I knew in L.A. 

Class starts and the rest of the day goes by fast. Lincoln told me to wait in the gym for the group. He wants to hangout and catch up. He also wants to surprise Octavia with her newly returned best friend. I wait on the bleachers quietly, reading one of my favorite books. All of a sudden, there's a whole lot of ruckus outside the gym doors. I get up hesitantly to check it out. 

"Look Carmen, you're a great lay. You have a great ass and tits to die for.. but you knew what this was. I told you from the start that I was just looking for sex."

I hear the conversation and roll my eyes. Whoever this is sounds like an asshole. The door quickly opens and smacks me straight in the face. I fall on my ass and can feel the blood pouring from my nose. The girl who opened the door just stares at me in shock for a second and I struggle to stand up and yell at her.

"Damn it! I think you fucking broke my nose." I whine out, clutching at my face. She just stares down at me lips parted. "Hello!?" I try again and that seems to break her out of her gaze.

"Shit. Sorry honey. Trust me if I knew there was a hot girl eavesdropping on my conversation through the door, I wouldn't have hit you. I definitely would have hit _on_ on you though." She smirks. The other girl, Carmen I presume, curses the girl with brown curly hair and walks away. The green eyed girl's apathetic facade drops once the Carmen figure leaves.

I'm furious still. Who does this girl think I am?! Ok, yes. She is gorgeous. And yes her green eyes are mesmerizing. Yes, her arm muscles are fucking to die for. Yes, her plump lips look so kissable. And yes.. wait this isn't the point. This girl is a grade A douchebag. She goes through girls like tissues, like they're disposable. So I don't care how gorgeous she is, she is not coming anywhere near me.

"Do you really think that line was going to work?! You just assaulted me!" I yell at her. 

"Oh don't be overdramatic you little -" The girl shakes her head. "Look I said I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do here. Take this." The girl pulls out a hand towel from her gym back.

I mumble out a thank you and put pressure on my nose.

"Is it really that bad?" The girl asks me, looking a little apologetic for the first time during this whole exchange.

"I'll be fine. The bleeding is already stopping." I say annoyed.

"Good. Listen, I am sorry." She tries again, rubbing the nape of her neck.

"I know you are. It's ok. I forgive you. You know..I have this strong feeling that contrary to what I overhead before, you're a good person." I gently say and meet the girl's emerald eyes. 

It was such a mistake staring in Lexa's eyes because now I can't seem to stop staring. Lexa looks vulnerable for a second but suddenly her face turns stoic.

"Well I'm certainly good in bed if that's what you mean. Feel free to see for yourself." Lexa winks and I shake my head. I thought that I was wrong about her being an ass. I thought maybe she was just deflecting for some reason. But it turns out I was wrong.

"CLARKE!" Octavia screams out and runs up to me. I turn away from the mystery girl and get up to hug my childhood best friend.

"What happened to your face?" She asks me worriedly, seeing all the blood. I just shrug and look towards the girl. The girl's green eyes are wide.

"I didn't realize you were Clarke, Octavia's long lost best friend." The girl says hesitantly.

"Well I am. Why would you care?" I snap at her.

"I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Lexa Woods. Best friend to your best friend. It seems as if we will be spending lots of time together Clarke Griffin." The basketball player smirks and I want to wipe that shit eating grin off her face. 

Polis certainly has changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited for this fic. Don't worry Lexa isn't the asshole she appears to be. It is a Clexa endgame after all. Just be patient and we will get there.
> 
> Also, when I imagine Laurel, I see Katie Cassidy (aka Laurel Lance from Arrow).
> 
> Thanks in advance for any comments and kudos!


	2. The Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke, Lexa, Octavia, and Laurel have a sleepover and bond a bit. Maybe Lexa and Clarke don't hate each other as much as they thought?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

_Clarke's POV_

It’s been three weeks since Lexa Woods smashed my face with a door and not much has gotten better. I’ve been eating lunch with the group everyday and I feel bad for the rest of the group who have to listen to me and Lexa bicker. The first day it was because she kept hitting on me, but now she seems to hate me just as much as I hate her. I try to be the bigger person but she is just so damn frustrating. 

The rest of the group is great though...well minus Finn. He’s another one who won’t stop staring at my chest. At least he doesn’t make my blood boil. One thing I have to say about Lexa is that once she realized I wasn’t interested in her romantically, she stopped hitting on me. But Finn. He just keeps staring at me and it’s getting kind of annoying. 

Octavia and I have fallen back into our old cycle. After school, I go over her house and we do homework and hangout. I’ve told her about my life in L.A. and she’s filled me in on life in Polis. Bellamy still lives at home so I even get to see him. I’ve missed them. The Blake house was like my home away from home.

It’s Friday night and I’m sleeping over Octavia’s. We were going to do a little movie marathon until Lexa texted her and asked what she was doing. Then Octavia decided to extended the girl’s night invite to Lexa and Laurel. I don’t mind Laurel coming here. The older Woods sister has been nothing but friendly to me. Regrettably, we haven’t had much time to talk. We only have Calculus together and she has a different lunch period than us. Still though, I have a feeling we could become good friends. Lexa, on the other hand, is a whole other story.

“You don’t mind that Lexa will be here right Clarkey?” Octavia asks as she finishes painting my nails. Of course I mind, but Octavia is my best friend. I never met anyone in L.A. that I got closer with than Octavia, except maybe Raven. So for Octavia, I’ll play nice with Lexa... or at least I’ll try to.

“As long as she behaves, I’ll be nice to her.” I say and I really do mean it. I won’t start with Lexa if she won’t start with me.

“You two are something else. I’ve never seen Lexa get so heated. She’s usually pretty laid back.” Octavia says with a glint in her eye.

“Yeah well I guess hate can do that to a person.” I mumble.

“Yeah something like that.” Octavia says mischievously with a smile on her face. I narrow my eyes at her but no matter how much I ask her what she means, she won’t tell me. Ugh, this is going to be a long night.

\---

Lexa gets here and I found my mouth watering. It’s still hot outside so she’s wearing a crop top that shows off her abs and her arms. I may hate Lexa Woods but I can’t stop my body from reacting to her. I school my face before she sees my reaction and she saunters in with that same shit eating grin that I hate. Behind her is Laurel. Sweet Laurel with a book in her hand and her overnight bag.

“Where’s your dufflebag Woods?” Octavia calls out.

“Didn’t bring one. I usually sleep nude anyways. Hey Griffin, mind if I share a sleeping bag with you? I promise I won’t bite unless you’re into that sort of thing.” Lexa teased and I just rolled my eyes. At this point, I knew she was just kidding. Lexa wasn’t pushy about her advances like Finn.

“Oh Lexa, shut it. We shared a duffle bag.” Laurel rolls her eyes and playfully pushes her younger sister who just shrugs with a smirk on her face. 

“Offer still stands Griffin.” Lexa calls out and winks at me, plopping down on the opposite couch.

“If I ever wanted to contract something, you’ll be the first person I will call. Until then, it’s a hard pass for me.” I call back, joking of course. I might not like Lexa too much, but we both can tell when we are fighting and when we are teasing each other. This is one of those rare times where we are teasing.

Laurel snorts out a laugh and Lexa pouts. “Are you slut shaming me?” Lexa mocks offense. “Why Miss Griffin? How could you?” I’m about to sass her back until Octavia cuts me off.

“Alright enough you two. We are going to have a nice sleepover so that means separating you two. Laurel, you sit on the couch with Clarkey. And I’ll sit on the other couch with Lexie here.” Octavia calls out from the kitchen, as she walks in with a bunch of snacks.

“Let me help you with that.” Laurel comes to Octavia’s rescue and grabs the popcorn bowl and pop tarts from her struggling hands.

“Thank you. At least one of the Woods has manners.” Octavia jokes, sticking her tongue out at Lexa. 

“Hey! Why is everyone picking on me?” Lexa grumbles out, snatching a pop tart from the box.

“Because you’re such an easy target.” I tease and Laurel snorts again. God, she’s such a dork. It’s so cute. 

I look over at the older Woods and smile and she smiles back. I can hear Lexa grumbling about ‘just starting the movie already.’

We decide on ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin.’ It’s a fun time. I think me and Lexa are starting to get along better. Tonight we didn’t even fight, just some teasing all in good fun. Laurel kept mumbling little sarcastic comments during the movie. She’s much funnier than I thought she would be. Octavia had to shush us a few times. From the corner of my eye, I see Lexa staring at us with a scowl on her face. I’m not sure why but she looked like she was sulking a bit.

“How about we liven this party up a bit?” Octavia asks and Lexa enthusiastically nods.

“And how would we do that?” I dumbly ask.

“Well I have a bottle of tequila in my room.” Octavia whispers, making sure her mom who just went into the kitchen can’t hear her.

We all say sure and make our way upstairs. Somehow I wind up sitting on the floor next to Lexa. She smells really nice..like apricots maybe. She rolls her eyes when she plops down next to me and complains about how this is the only seat left. It’s true. Laurel is already next to Octavia on the other side of the room. 

“So shots?” Lexa asks and Octavia smirks. The younger Blake pulls out a couple of shot glasses from her bottom drawer and locks her door.

“To old friends and new ones.” Lexa says loud and cheery, staring right at me. I smile at her fondly. A warm sensation fills me chest and it’s not from the alcohol. Maybe Lexa is just like Lincoln said..half asshole, half this amazing wonderful beautiful girl with a heart of gold. Ok, maybe he didn’t say _exactly_ that.

“Oh and to good sex of course.” She adds in and I almost choke on my tequila. Everyone laughs including me. Lexa could be a good friend, nothing more of course. I don’t want to be another notch in her bedpost. But, friends...I can definitely live with seeing Lexa Woods annoying smirk a little bit more. That’ll just stay my little secret for the time being though.

\---

“So Clarkey, tell us about the hotties in L.A.” Four shots later, Octavia asks and I bit my lip and look over to Lexa and then Laurel. Laurel is staring at me, clearly interested in the question. Meanwhile, Lexa just grabs her phone and starts snapchatting some girl.  
“Umm I mean there’s not much to tell.” I laugh awkwardly. There really isn’t. I didn’t really date much in L.A. Not many people were my type.

“Oh come on! Give us some details on your ex boytoys.” Octavia slurs a little.

“Well I dated this boy Wells for two months my freshman year.” I state shyly.

“Wow how cute. Did he like totally hold your hand? Two months, that’s basically forever.” Lexa says in a fake sickeningly sweet voice before going back to her phone. Ugh, why does this girl have to be so frustrating?!

“Lex.” Laurel lightly reprimands her sister before turning her eyes back to me. “Continue Clarke..but only if you’re comfortable.” She smiles gently at me and I duck my head so she can’t see my blush.

“I mean other than that, there was this girl Niylah. We met the summer before my sophomore year. She was a senior at some public high school across the tracks. It was a casual summer fling that ended when she went to college that fall.” I say a little shaky. Octavia doesn’t know I’m bi. Nobody in Polis does, actually. Lexa always jokingly hits on me, but I don’t even think she realizes. 

“Clarke, I didn’t realize you were into girls too.” Octavia says a little shocked but she’s still smiling. 

“Too?” I say a little confused.

“Oh yeah I’m bi. When me and Lincoln broke up a couple months ago for a few weeks, I kissed this girl Mel at a party. We ended up making out a few times. I was always curious about girls even as a kid.”

“Yeah I remember you had this obsession with Sabrina from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.” I giggle, remembering how Octavia would always rave about how pretty Sabrina was.

“I actually forgot about that! Yeah, that was definitely my first crush on a girl and I didn’t even realize it.” Octavia laughs.

“What about you guys? When did you realize you weren’t straight?” Octavia looks around at all of us, including Laurel. 

I gulp. I didn’t realize Laurel wasn’t straight. I mean I knew Lexa was gay. She’s very open about it. Laurel is a much more private person it seems.

“I must have been 15.” Laurel said with a smile on her face. “I just made out with my first boyfriend, Oliver Archibald. He was two years older and was very experienced with kissing. So it wasn’t necessarily a bad kiss. Still though, I realized in that moment that I wasn’t into guys. I actually ran away crying and Lexa found me in the barn an hour later. We ate ice cream and she stayed with me even though she hated the smell of the cows.” Laurel laughs and shakes her head.

“Aw, so what happened with Oliver?” I ask curiously. Lexa seems like a good sister, but I won’t tell her that.

“Well we split amicably. A few months later, I met this girl named Luna at a party. She lives in the town over. We dated for a bit and yeah the rest is history.” Laurel shrugs, a small little smile still present on her face.

“Ok, you’re up Woods.” I say and bump shoulders with Lexa playfully. She looks surprised that I initiated any form of contact with her. I think I see her blush a little, but I must just be imagining things.

“I’ve known for as long as I could remember. I didn’t come out until I was 14 though. Actually, a month after Laurel did. She kind of was my role model back then. She gave me the courage to love myself.” Lexa says quietly and rubs the nape of her neck.

Laurel reaches out and squeezes her sister’s hand. “I love you sis.”

“Love you too.” Lexa smiles and looks over unsurely at me. I can tell she feels vulnerable. I have a feeling that she doesn’t like feeling vulnerable. I’m starting to realize I don’t know a lot of the enigma in front of me that is Lexa Woods.

“Okay I love that we’re bonding through our mutual love for vaginas, but what do you say to pausing this convo and taking more shots?!” Octavia whisper yells and pours the liquid into the glasses for another round..or three. Oh what a night this has turned out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a good idea where I'm heading with this. I want to let y'all know that there will be a lot of angst but it will be a Clexa endgame. As the tags read, there will be other pairings so get ready for that. Don't worry though, it'll all work out in due time. 
> 
> Also, you have yet to read Lexa's POV or anyone else POV for that matter. All you see right now is Clarke's point of view. So you don't know how anyone else feels yet. I mean to be fair, Clarke doesn't even know what she feels yet too. I'll try to update soon.
> 
> Love y'all and hope you enjoy this one.


	3. Tutors and Workout Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tutors Laurel in calculus. First glimpse of Lexa's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

_Clarke’s POV_

After that, things are a little different. Me and Lexa aren’t constantly at each other’s throats. Lunches with the whole group are much calmer and tensions have eased up a bit. Lexa and I still bicker like crazy and sass one another left and right...but for the most part, it’s in good fun.

I’m walking in the halls after Calculus and Laurel catches up with me.

“Hey Clarke!” She calls out to me from the doorway of our math classroom and I smile, waiting for her to catch up with me.

“Hey Laurel. Did you understand the lesson about trigonometric substitution today?” I don’t know why I asked her that. I could have asked her anything, but I asked her about math. God, she probably thinks I’m so boring now.

“Oh no. Not at all.” She laughs loud and hard, so hard she snorts a little. I bite my lip and look away.

“Well..you know, I could always help you. I’m really good at math.” I try really hard not to be awkward while asking her. We are friends, nothing else. Friends offer to tutor each other..right?

“You sure? I don’t want to waste your time.” She is so sweet. 

“You could never waste my time.” The words fly out before I could even stop them. Laurel stops her walk a little and looks at me unsurely. I stop too and refuse to look her in the eye at first. I realize she isn’t going to start walking again until I look at her though. I met her gaze and her eyes are narrow but she has a smile on her face.

“Okay then. How about after school? We can go to my house. I have my car so I’ll drive.” 

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you outside at 3.”

“Great. And thanks so much!” She squeezes my shoulder and says goodbye before walking off to her next class. I smile at her as she walks away before I go off to literature. I’m just helping a friend with Calculus. That’s it. That’s all this is.

\---

_Lexa’s POV_

This shit day is finally over. I can’t wait to just go home and relax, maybe work out a bit or call up that girl from my Chemistry class who has been texting me for the past two weeks. Lunch was the best part of my day..but it definitely wasn’t because of Clarke Griffin.

Clarke has confused me since the first day I met her. It wasn’t a traditional meeting by any means. I usually don’t make friends with girls, except Octavia of course. Other than that, I have guy friends. So I’m not sure what Clarke is to me. For some reason, I don’t like the idea of her being just a one night stand. But the word friend doesn’t sit too well with me either. And we’ve moved past hating each other ever since that sleepover last week. So who is Clarke Griffin to me?

“Hey Lexa.” Lincoln calls out to me and I high five him.

“Whatsup?” I ask as we make our way outside to the parking lot. My motorcycle is in the shop so I’ve been getting rides from Laurel. She’s probably already outside waiting for me. Laurel has never been late for anything a day in her life. My sister is such a good person. She’s nothing like me..and I guess that’s a good thing too.

“Octavia’s birthday is next week. Are your parents gonna be home?” He asks with a knowing smile on his face. My house has become the go to place to throw parties. My parents are rich and my Dad needs to travel the world to visit all his companies. My mom tags along with him. Me and Laurel have been on our own for awhile now.

“They never are.” I say truthfully. “What time do you want the party to start?” 

“You know me so well.” Lincoln laughs. “How about 10?”

“10 it is. Invite the usuals.” I say nonchalantly as he reaches his car.

“You’re the best Lex! Hey you need a ride?”

“Na. Laurel is waiting for me.” We say goodbye and I walk up to Laurel’s car, except my sister isn’t alone. Clarke Griffin is with her. My heart starts beating really faster and I’m not used to the sensation. I silently curse myself.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite blonde.” I call out, putting on that smirk I know she hates so much. I see her roll her eyes and I laugh. Messing with her is just too good. She gets annoyed so easily that I just can’t help myself.

“Lexa.” She says coolly as her greeting to me. I can tell she’s just pretending to be annoyed because I see a glimpse of a smile on her face.

“You should really use that mouth of yours for more than frowning. Come to think of it, I can think of a few things that would be way more fun.” I smirk and she huffs. I start laughing and Laurel throws me a warning glare. I put my hands up in defeat and get in the backseat of the car.

“So why is the great Clarke Griffin honoring us with her presence?” I sassily ask, desperate to know the answer. I try to cover up my blatant desperation with sass and snappy comments. It’s my defense mechanism and I’ve been doing it for so long that I can’t tell the difference anymore.

“She’s tutoring me in Calculus.” Laurel says sweetly, her eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror. I’m not really sure what that look means but I think she’s trying to tell me to be quiet and not say anything rude.

“Thank you by the way.” She softly says to Clarke, a small smile painted on her face. I look over to Clarke and she smiles back at her, saying that it’s not a problem. My chest aches suddenly and I don’t know why. 

We get home and Laurel brings Clarke in the living room to study. I decide to go upstairs because I don’t know calculus and Laurel is acting weird. She keeps smiling and speaking all soft and sweet. I mean Laurel is always nice, but I have never seen her like _this_. The whole thing bugs me a lot more than it should.

I’m sitting around reading my book for literature class when my phone buzzes.

Mercedes from Chem: Hey Lexa. How’s my favorite basketball player? Need a good workout buddy? I can think of a few ways to work up a sweat ;)

I smirk at the text. This girl is a feisty one I can tell. I think I need a little action right now. I have a killer headache and it has nothing to do with the fact that Clarke Griffin is in my house right now.

I text her back with my address and she says she’ll be here in an hour. I go back to reading and way for this girl to arrive. I need to de-stress. I haven’t hooked up with anyone since that Carmen girl weeks ago. It just so happens that’s when I met Clarke, but I swear it has nothing to do with her. I’ve just been off my game lately. That’s it.

\---

_Clarke’s POV_

“I think that’s enough studying for now. Do you want a snack?” Laurel asks me as she closes the textbook in front of us.

“Yeah sure. A snack sounds good after all that hard manual labour.” I joke and she giggles. Her giggle is childlike and innocent. It’s adorable. Just then her phone rings and she looks at me apologetically. 

“I’m sorry I have to take this it’s my mom and she almost never calls. Do you mind?”

“Of course not. I can wait here.” Laurel runs up to her room and just as she goes up the stairs, Lexa comes down. She’s dress in basketball shorts and a sports bra. God, what kind of DNA do these sisters have? I curse Lexa’s good genes as she approaches me. I wait for her to be sassy with me but it never comes.

“Hey Clarke.” She says normally and I have to school my features from showing off my confusion.

“Hi Lexa.” I say hesitantly but friendly all the more. This isn’t our usual set up. She’s usually sasses me and then I sass her back. But now she’s being genuinely nice and it’s way too confusing. What is this girl doing to me?

“How’s uhh studying?” She asks unsurely, rubbing the back of her neck. She’s adorable when she’s not all put together. I think I could actually like Lexa when she’s not playing up the asshole facade.

“It’s going good. Your sister just had to run up and answer a phone call from your mom.” I point up and Lexa nods. I can tell the word ‘mom’ spooked her a bit but I leave it be.

“So you want a snack or something?” She asks awkwardly and I chuckle at her. 

“Umm I’m okay-” My polite refusal is cut off by my stomach grumbling. She laughs at me and heads toward the kitchen.

“Come on Griffin. We are getting a snack.” She declares and I follow. I am a tad hungry, but I didn’t want to impose.

“Salty or sweet?” She asks, rummaging through the fridge.

“Mmm I’m good with whatever you’re having.” I say, realizing just how hungry I was.

“How about both?” She pulls out pretzels and strawberry ice cream. My face scrunches up.

“This is your idea of a snack?” I ask her incredulously, joking with her.

“It’s so good.” She smiles and scoops up a big dollop of ice cream with a pretzel and feeds it to me.

“Here try it. I promise you’ll like it.” She says is quietly, almost whispering it. My eyes widen a bit but I bite down on the sweet salty goodness and close my eyes. I can feel my heart beating in my ears. 

I open my eyes and she’s still looking at me. It’s not her usual smirk though. If I didn’t know any better, I would say she’s turned on. It doesn’t bother me one bit. If anything, I’m a little turned on too.

“You have a little bit of ice cream.” She signals toward the corner of my mouth and I try to wipe it off. She shakes her head and laughs. I feel embarrassed and laugh.

“Well help me! I don’t want to look all gross.” I laugh and she giggles.

She moves in closer and suddenly the air is charged a little differently. I regret asking for help because now I can’t even think. Her thumb swipes the strawberry ice cream off my lips and she sucks her thumb clean. I can tell she didn’t mean it in a sexual way, but she has me feeling very aroused.

“You could never look gross.” She says gently. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. I look at her lips and then back to her eyes. She’s looking at my lips too. This girl infuriates me so much but I really want to kiss her. I want to..wait what? No. I don’t want to kiss her because kissing her will lead to sex and then she will never talk to me again. But she’s being so sweet and I can tell it’s genuine. I’ve decided that Lexa Woods is the most confusing girl I’ve ever me.

For a second, I think she’s gonna kiss me. And for that split second, I might have actually let her but then the doorbell rings. Her eyes widen a bit and moves a safe distance from me.

“I’ll get it.” Laurel calls from the stairs. A second later she comes in with a girl I’ve seen around the halls a few times. 

“Lexa. Ready for our workout?” The girl coos at the younger Woods and my stomach turns. Her words were heavy with innuendo.

I mean I can see the appeal. She is skinny and her hair is raven black. Her skin is tan and her eyes are beautiful. Overall, she is very pretty.

“You know it.” Lexa smirks at her, but I can see it fall a little when she looks back at me. There’s something indistinguishable in her eyes and I’m not sure what it is. I’m not even sure what just happened before little miss ‘workout buddy’ sauntered in.

“It was nice seeing you Clarke.” Lexa says, her eyes not meeting mine. Her smirk gone. I can hear that girl laughing as the two of them clamber up the stairs.

“I see Lexa gave you her signature snack.” Laurel says, while she takes out a popsicle from the freezer for herself. “Do you want to stick to that or would you rather a popsicle?” She asks politely, taking a seat next to mine.

“I think I’ll stick with this. It’s better than I expected.” If only I realized then what a metaphor that would be for my life with the Woods’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really loving this story. Don't worry we'll get to the good stuff soon (and by good stuff I mean a lot of angst haha)


	4. Talks by the Lake and Talks at the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laurel and Clarke take a study break. Lexa and Clarke bond at the homecoming party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

_Lexa's POV_

Mercedes is very flexible. I didn’t even realize she did gymnastics, but I’m very _very_ grateful that she does. After that first day, we have been hooking up for the past few days. And everyday Clarke Griffin is at my house tutoring my sister. I don’t get it though. My sister is smart..why does she need one now after 18 years of never needing a tutor? It just irks me so much. I’m not sure why but seeing Laurel and Clarke together creates this uncomfortable itch I can’t scratch...so I just let Mercedes scratch it for me. I know this unhealthy, but I don’t think I ever learned how to cope with things in a healthy way anyways.

In a couple of days, it’ll be Friday night and the homecoming game. Finn Collins’ is throwing an after party so it should be pretty fun. I look at the lunch table and see Clarke and Laurel laughing together. Laurel moves close and whispers something in the blonde’s ear and Clarke blushes. I don’t like this one bit and I have no fucking clue why. The whole thing is very frustrating. I shake my head and text Mercedes to meet me in the empty lab room in 5. I suddenly feel the urge to fuck.

_Clarke’s POV_

“Hey Clarke. You ready?” Laurel rolls her window down and calls out to me. Lexa is in the passenger seat, smiling at me. I still don’t know where I stand with Lexa. The whole situation is weird. One second she’s an asshole to me, the next she is sweet and adorable.

I smile and hop in the back seat. The three of us chat, Lexa only supplying sassy side comments. 

“Can you drive a little faster? Mercedes is waiting for me.” Lexa whines and my stomach clenches. Lexa has been hooking up with that girl for a good week now. Everyday too. I refuse to say I’m jealous because I’m not. Even if I was, Lexa doesn’t commit to one person. She’s said over and over again that monogamy isn’t her style. So there’s no point in even indulging in the idea of Lexa begin anything more than a friend. 

When we get back to the house, Mercedes is waiting on the porch. Lexa smirks at her and says something dirty. Laurel fake pukes and I giggle. Laurel smiles at me and I get lost in her eyes for a second. I don’t realize how long we’ve been looking at each other until Lexa’s voice cuts us out of our daze.

“Well don’t mind us, we are just gonna go upstairs.” Lexa says, her voice a little colder than before.

“Okay. Please be safe Lex.” Laurel says softly and Lexa laughs and smirks. 

“Always am. I’ve got a lot of experience in this area.” Lexa pulls Mercedes in close and pecks her lips. Her voice is lower and teasing, but still loud enough for us to hear. I cringe a little. Her asshole facade is firmly back in place I can tell. I don’t understand Lexa. One second she’s so kind to me and the next I don’t even recognize her. It’s like she’s two different people. I can tell she’s playing a part. But which one is the real Lexa Woods?

Lexa and Mercedes go in the house. Before I can walk inside, Laurel touches my shoulder. I turn to her and smile.

“We’ve been studying together for days now. Do you maybe just want to hang out today and take a break? Plus, I’m tired of hearing Lexa and Mercedes going at it.” Laurel’s voice is a little nervous. It’s cute.

“Sure. Let’s go.” I say and follow her back to her car. 

“I was thinking we could go to the lake?” Laurel asks.

“Yeah! I haven’t been there in years.” I excitedly say.

We get to the lake and get out of the car. Laurel brings the book she’s reading this week and I grab my sketchbook from my backpack. We sit there in silence and it’s really nice. It’s safe and comforting. I start out by sketching the landscape around us but I end up sketching Laurel into the picture as well. I keep stealing looks at her for my art and every now and then I see her glance up from her book. 

She smiles at me and bites her lip. I can’t help the butterflies that flutter in my stomach. Her glasses start to fall off the bridge of her nose, so she pushes them up and it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in awhile. 

“How’s your book?” I feel the need to break the silence. Laurel is a very private person. From what I’ve gathered, she’s quiet and to herself. She only speaks when she has something to say. It’s just so different than I’m used to. It’s a little intimidating if I’m being honest. I always speak my mind. I speak just for the sake of speaking. But Laurel...well she’s so different. I can’t help but be intrigued.

Laurel looks up from her book, a little shaken up, as if I broke her from deep concentration.

“It’s really good.” She smiles and tries to take a peek at my sketch. I playfully hide it against my chest so she can’t see.

“Hey no fair.” She laughs and puts her book down. I smile at her as she crawls over to me.

“Can I see? Pleaseee.” Her face is close to mine. She’s smiling at me innocently like it never crossed her mind that we are in kissing distance. Maybe it hasn’t. She probably isn’t into me. Am I even into her..like _that_? I don’t know! I’m usually a decisive person, but right now I have no idea what I’m doing or thinking.

“Only because you said please.” I rasp out and I show her my picture. She gasps out, one hand flying to her mouth as the other traces the lines of my artwork with her other.

“Clarke, this is gorgeous. You have such talent.” She’s so engrossed in my work. 

“Thank you. The view was too beautiful. I just had to sketch.” I say quietly and she looks up at me finally. I'm not sure if I was talking about the view of the lake or of her. I don't even know the difference. She looks deep in my eyes. I can’t tell what she’s thinking. I can never tell what she’s thinking. For a moment, she looks at my lips and I swear she’s about to lean in. Suddenly Lexa pops in my head. Lexa. I shouldn’t be thinking about Laurel’s sister right now.

“I’m so hungry. Want to go grab some food at the diner?” I blurt the words out and she looks a little startled. Her face doesn’t waver though, forever a soft kind smile plastered on it.

“Food sounds great right now.” Laurel lightly answers. We pack away our stuff and make our way to the diner. The rest of the day is nice. Laurel is such an amazing girl. She has such deep empathy for others. She starts talking about how she volunteers at a soup kitchen every Sunday morning. I ask her if I can tag along and her eyes light up when she says yes. No matter what happens, I want Laurel in my life. She has such a positive light to her.

_Lexa’s POV_

The party is in full swing now. Laurel decided not to come. My sister isn’t a big partier. A part of me is a little happy she’s not coming. Selfishly, I want to spend more time with Clarke. Clarke and Laurel are growing close and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I just want some alone time with Clarke to figure out what I’m feeling for this girl. I ended my one week fling with Mercedes last night. There were no hard feelings. I never stay with anyone too long. Maybe one day I'll commit, but only with the right girl. I can't help but see blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes when I think of that very day.

Lincoln is designated driver and gave us all a ride to to the after party. We won the game so everyone is in high spirits. I couldn’t help but stare at the gorgeous blonde next to me the whole game. Clarke is such an enigma to me. I can’t figure out how I feel about her. I guess I’m just a ball of confusion. I lost her in the crowd of the party and I’m intent on finding her. Why? Because she’s my friend and this is her first party back in Polis. She doesn’t know a whole lot of people and I just want to keep her company. This is what friends are suppose to do..right? I’m not gonna lie, I’m struggling with this whole ‘just friends’ concept. Finally, I spot the beautiful blonde talking to a much too familiar dark haired girl.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. Why is she there? Ontari is captain of the soccer team and we don’t get along. She was my first actually. I actually liked her alot. I didn’t want a relationship right away but I was willing to try being exclusive and see where it went. She kept pushing me into trying out a relationship. I almost agreed to it too until I found out she was screwing three other people. I wasn’t too upset though. Love is weakness after all. But seeing her flirt with Clarke is making me more upset than when I walked in on her have sex with that girl from the soccer team all those years ago. She shouldn’t be flirting with Clarke. Clarke is too sweet and perfect for her. This isn’t jealousy, it’s just a friend looking out for a friend. Yeah that’s exactly what it is.

“Hey Clarke.” I say sweetly and I can tell it shocks the blonde. I’m not always a sassy asshole.

“Hey Lexa. Do you know Ontari?” She says with a smile on her face, but her eyes are a little pleading.

“As a matter of fact I do. We shared that a few lovely nights together a few years back. Isn’t that right?” I smirk and Ontari rolls her eyes.

“We certainly did.” Ontari has a glint of mischief in her eyes. She turns to Clarke. “You know, I was Lexa’s first. It was a pretty quick affair. I hope with all the girls you bed that you’ve gotten better. I heard your number is pretty high now. Trust me Clarke, this isn’t the kind of girl you want to be around.” Ontari laughed and I fumed. 

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business Ontari.” Except these words aren’t coming out of my mouth, they’re coming out of Clarke’s. My mouth wants to drop on the floor. Is she really defending me? Hmm. Maybe she doesn't hate me as much as I thought she did.

“Well I...it’s uhh..I was just saying-” Ontari stumbles on her words.

“And for the record, Lexa’s sex life has no bearing on the kind of person she is. If you’re the kind of girl who is going to judge someone because they like sex, well then maybe you’re the kind of girl I shouldn’t be around. Come to think of it, I’m done with this conversation. You should leave now.” Clarke snaps and Ontari nods before scurrying off.

Clarke shrugs and I look at her in amazement. Nobody really stands up for me..except Laurel sometimes. Everyone knows I can handle myself, but this beautiful girl in front of me didn’t even give me the chance to get a word in edgewise.

“I didn’t like the things she was saying about you.” Clarke quietly explains and I nod dumbly at her.

“Well..” I clear my throat, finding the right words. “Thank you Clarke.”

“You don’t have to thank me. It’s the truth. You’re a good person Lexa. I’m sorry I was so quick to judge at first. I think I was a bit of an asshole too.”

“Maybe we can be assholes together?” I say awkwardly. I’m not sure how to talk to Clarke when we aren’t being sassy with one another. And she’s being very kind. I can tell she’s trying to have a honest conversation with me and I’m struggling to keep up. I usually don’t talk like this to anyone but Laurel.

“Yeah maybe something like that.” She laughs at my awkwardness and her chuckle is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. 

“How about we get a drink?” I ask.

“That sounds perfect. Lead the way.” She says and I grab her hand, bringing her over to the kitchen. I let go once we get there, but my hand tingles from the sensation. 

A few drinks later, I’m surprised to still be talking to Clarke. I can tell she’s buzzed and so am I. We are sitting on the couch and just talking. Just talking I swear. We talk about L.A. and how she felt like she didn’t fit in there. We talk about how I never feel like I fit in anywhere. I don’t know why I’m telling her this, but it feels right. She feels right.

“I think I need another drink.” She says and I offer to refill it. I get up and go grab some more vodka and juice for her. When I get back, three football players are swarming her. They’re trying to sweet talk her it seems.

“Well aren’t you such a babe. Collins has talked about you quite a bit. How about we go upstairs and really give him something to talk about?”

“I gotta tell you, you are one fine woman. You’re lucky too cause I know how to treat a girl. How about you let me show you sometime?”

“I’m ready to move this party somewhere a little more private, sweetcheeks. You’ll be screaming out my name by the end of the night, you will see soon enough.”

My grip on the cup tightens. My stomach is doing flips. I fucking hate the way they are talking to her. When I say things to Clarke, it’s a joke and we both know it. These guys though, they can tell they are making her uncomfortable and they continue to do so. Clarke tries to get up and move past them, but one pulls her close while the other squeezes her ass.

I throw the drink on the floor and speed towards them.

“Hey fucking assholes.” I grit out and they all turn around. “That is no way to treat a lady.” I punch the guy who touched her ass first. He goes down with one punch. The other guy lets go of Clarke and squares up. I knee him in the stomach hard and now the big brute is eye level with me. I punch in the nose and I can tell it’s gonna bruise. The other guy who didn’t touch her backs away in defeat and I let him go as he scurries off like a coward.

I turn to Clarke who looks shocked that I just punched out two large football players.

“Shit Lexa. You’re strong.” She plainly states and I laugh. This girl in front of me isn’t even upset. “I could have taken care of it though. I have a black belt in karate after all.” She nonchalantly comments and I feel like I’m starting to fall somewhere I’ve never been before. It’s a scary feeling.

“I don’t get a thank you for coming to your rescue?” I say sweetly and she moves close to me and goes to whisper in my ear. I shiver with how close she is.

“I’m not the type of girl who needs to be rescued.” She rasps the words out and I shudder a bit. It’s her turn to wear that shit eating smirk on her face for once. She bites her lip.

“I think it’s time I call it a night. Thank you for the not so good drinks and very good company. Even if I don’t need saving, it was very sweet of you to help me out. You’re something else Lexa Woods. And trust me when I say, that’s not such a bad thing.” She calls out to me and winks. I feel my stomach in my throat and my heart beating out of my chest. I can feel myself blush deep deep red. I’ve never blushed a day in my goddamn life. What is Clarke Griffin doing to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized I really don't like writing in the first person. It's just not my style, so I am having some trouble writing this fic. What do y'all think? Am I doing an okay job?
> 
> I don't really like how this chapter came out. I might just switch to third person from this point.
> 
> Also, I just want to say that all these kids are confused about how they feel. There will be mistakes made because they haven't really figured it all out. You'll see what I mean soon enough. Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	5. Welcome to the Griffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Laurel hangout and talk about some interesting things. Lexa opens up (a little) to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!

_Third Person POV_

After Clarke leaves the party, Lexa finds a girl to bring home for the night. She’s blonde but her hair is the wrong shade and her eyes aren’t blue, they’re brown. Still, it’s enough for drunk Lexa to pretend for a quick moment that she has Clarke in her arms. Lexa isn’t sure why she feels this way but she does have an inkling that everyone she will ever meet in the future will pale in comparison to the beauty and brains of Clarke Griffin.

Saturday is uneventful for both girls. Clarke spends the day with Octavia and Lexa spends the day with no name from the party. Let’s just say both girls have very different definitions of staying in bed all day. Sunday comes and Clarke gets up bright and early to go to the soup kitchen with Laurel. This time, Clarke picks Laurel up using her Dad’s car and they drive to the church. 

“It’s really nice to have company. Lexa used to volunteer with me. It was actually her idea, but she stopped a few years back.” Laurel casually says while looking at Clarke.

“Lexa Woods? She volunteered at a soup kitchen?...on her own volition?” Clarke laughs and Laurel just smiles amusedly.

“You know, Lexa isn’t what she appears to be. She has a bigger heart than most..including me. She just shields the world from ever seeing it.” Laurel nonchalantly says and Clarke grips the steering wheel tighter. Why can’t Lexa just let people in? Why can’t she just let Clarke in? It would make things a hell of a lot easier.

///

“Do you want to grab some food and go back to the lake?” Clarke asks Laurel, clearly enjoying her time with the older Woods.

“I’d love to.” Laurel breathes out.

They go to the diner and pick up milkshakes and burgers to go before driving to the lake. They sit on some rocks and dig into their food. 

“So tell me more about your past Clarke.” Laurel says with the same friendly smile on her face. She’s so hard to read. In fact, both Woods’ sisters are.

“Well what do you want to know?” Clarke teases.

“Anything. Everything. Whatever you want to share.” Laurel teases back.

The two talk for quite sometime about ‘anything and everything.’ Clarke doesn’t venture to talk about her mother though. That’s a subject she hasn’t even brought up to Octavia. It’s too sore of a subject. Somehow they get back on the topic of exes though and Clarke is all ears.

“My ex Luna and I are still good friends.” Laurel mentions casually and it doesn’t upset Clarke as much as it should.

“Really? That’s great. I’m not close with Niylah or Wells.”

“Well we were each other’s firsts. We have a strong connection, but we realized we were better off as friends.” Laurel speaks and Clarke goes red. 

“Oh well I guess I get that. I mean, I’m still a virgin so I wouldn’t know about that.” Clarke awkwardly rambles. It’s not like she was saving herself for love or anything. With Wells, she wasn’t ready. She was much too young in her opinion. But with Niylah. Well, she came very close to losing her virginity to Niylah. The only reason they didn’t that one night was because Raven bursted into her room without knocking. A few days later, Niylah left for college anyways.

“I didn’t just mean we shared our first time together. We were our first kisses with a girl. It was the first time either of us felt right kissing someone, being with someone. I guess that’s why we still connect so deeply.” Laurel smiles to herself. Does she still have feelings for Luna?

“Oh I see.” Clarke responds dumbly. “So you two still hook up?” 

Laurel makes a face and laughs out loud until she snorts adorably. “Oh no. I just meant that we will talk sometimes. Me and Luna are strictly platonic now. She was the first out person I met and vice versa. We realized that a relationship needed a lot more than physical attraction. We just weren’t compatible romantically. She’s a great girl though and I do care for her, just not like that. Does that make sense?” It’s Laurel’s turn to ramble and Clarke just smiles back at her.

“It makes perfect sense.” Clarke answers before taking a bite of her bacon cheeseburger. 

“So are you waiting for love?” Laurel lightly asks.

“Hmm?” Clarke is confused for a second but then she gets that Laurel is talking about her still being a virgin. “Oh no. I almost lost it to Niylah. My friend barged in on us though and a few days later, she went off to college. I’m not in any hurry to have sex, but I’m also not waiting for anything special. Whatever happens, happens.”

“I was the same way. Me and Luna actually only had sex a handful of times. It was nerve wracking at first. I was afraid I’d mess up.” Laurel’s cheeks are red. It’s obvious she doesn’t talk about this kind of thing a lot, but she feels comfortable around Clarke.

“Really?” Clarke asks and Laurel nods. “I’m a little nervous for my first time too, but I suppose everyone always is. Any advice?”

“Whenever you do choose to have sex, choose someone who respects you and listens to you. That’s the only advice I have.” Laurel smiles at her, both of their cheeks red due to the topic.

“Thanks Laurel.”

“Of course. You can always talk to me Clarke.”

The rest of the day, they talk about their lives up until now. They avoid the heavier topics like family issues. It’s a nice day between two young girls trying to figure out what they mean to each other.

///

Soccer tryouts are on Tuesday so Laurel and Clarke don’t meet up that day. Clarke decides to tryout for the team.

“Hey. You’re Clarke right? I’m Echo. We have AP biology together third period.” The dark haired girl says with a smile.

“Oh hey. Yeah I recognize you. You’re the one who always shows up late and Mr. Titus bitches at you.” Clarke laughs because this girl knows just how to infuriate their annoying science teacher.

“Don’t even get me started on Titus. That man needs to get laid, he is so wound up.” Echo seems nice. It would be nice to make some new friends, Clarke reasons.

“Anyways, I’m co-captain of the team and I just wanted to let you know that you have real talent. Ontari doesn’t like announcing who’s made the team roster until a week later. She likes to make everyone nervous. But you’re definitely making it.”

“Really?! Thank you so much!” Clarke exclaims.

“Thank yourself. You’ve got good moves.” Echo says in a friendly way. 

“Hey, are you going to Lexa’s surprise party for Octavia this Friday?” Clarke asks curiously.

“Yep.” Echo says, popping the ‘p.’ “Everyone who is anyone goes to Lexa Woods’ parties. Are you?”

“Yeah. We should take a celebratory shot together.” 

“That sounds great. You’re gonna make a hell of a player.”

Clarke’s day couldn’t get much better than this. 

///

Clarke is walking to the bus stop after tryouts when Lexa spots her.

“Griffin!” Lexa calls out, her eyes immediately lighting up when she sees Clarke. Clarke turns around and smiles at her, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

Clarke gulps audibly when she sees Lexa sweaty in her basketball uniform. The girl must have just got off from practice. Her arm muscles are on display as Lexa confidently walks over to Clarke with her duffle bag slung over her body.

“Hey Lexa.” Clarke winces inwardly when her voice cracks at the end of her greeting. Lexa shouldn’t be allowed to wear that uniform. It’s certainly doing things to Clarke. Things that friends don’t think about other friends. Damnit, why does Lexa have to ooze sex appeal?

“You don’t really think I am going to let you take the bus home, do you?” Lexa says sweeter than usual and throws Clarke for a loop. For weeks, Lexa was either sassy or cocky. And now she’s showing Clarke a more gentle side of her. Clarke is very confused. 

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Well I do. That bus stinks and it’s always breaking down. Here, I have Laurel’s car today since my bike is still in the shop.” Lexa starts walking towards the car and turns around only when she realizes Clarke isn’t following.

“Clarke, I really don’t mind. Plus, I kinda want to get to know you better. Ok?” Lexa says softly and Clarke is yet again surprised by Lexa. Lexa isn’t hitting on her that’s for sure. Lexa never tricks anyone into thinking she’s this sweet, caring girl in order to get people into bed. No, everyone who Lexa gets with knows that there will be no feelings attached. So Clarke doesn’t understand what Lexa is doing right now. Could it be possible that she actually cares?

“You want to get to know me better?” Clarke asks incredulously.

“Is that so hard to believe?” Lexa asks quietly, maybe even insecurely.

“No, it’s just surprising.” Clarke looks at Lexa and realizes she might just be letting her in a little. She can’t turn this opportunity down. “Come on Woods. I do believe you offered me a ride.”

Lexa smiles so bright that it’s infectious. Clarke smiles back at her and they get in the car. As soon as they get in the car, Clarke’s stomach grumbles and Lexa laughs. 

“You’re hungry.” Lexa plainly states.

“Thanks for telling me or else I would have never figured it out myself.” Clarke teases and Lexa huffs.

“Well do you want to get food then?” Lexa asks, her voice a little short. She doesn’t like sounding vulnerable.

“I can’t, my Dad made dinner.” Clarke says regretfully as she instantly sees Lexa’s face fall. “But you can come over and eat with us if you want.”

Lexa widens her eyes and looks at Clarke once she stops at the red light.

“Dads don’t usually like me.”

“That’s because you’re usually sleeping with their daughters.” Clarke teases and Lexa smiles at her, amused and happy that they are back to their playful banter.

“Still, parents make me uncomfortable.” The way Lexa says the last sentence makes Clarke’s heart ache. Clarke can tell parents are a sore subject for Lexa.

“My Dad is great. He would love you. And he makes a really mean chicken piccata. We can hangout for a bit after if you want too.” Clarke isn’t sure why she’s trying so hard to convince Lexa to come but she is. That’s what friends do, right? They hangout.

“Okay fine.” Lexa huffs and Clarke claps and hollers excitedly. Lexa shakes her head and bites her lip to hide the smile that Clarke Griffin has given her.

///

“Hey Dad! I’m home and I brought a friend to dinner.” Clarke calls out before dropping her bag and taking off her shoes.

“Okay sweetie, I’m just finishing up cooking.” Jake calls out from the kitchen. She looks at Lexa who is standing awkwardly and nervously in the door. She’s never seen Lexa lacking her usual confidence before.

“Lexa, you can come in.” Clarke laughs and Lexa hurries in.

“You take your shoes off in the house?” Lexa mumbles and it’s so quiet that Clarke almost didn’t hear it.

“Yeah. My mom always used to make us do it and I guess it’s just stuck with us.” Clarke says solemnly and of course Lexa picks up on it.

“Why past tense?” Lexa asks hesitantly but instantly regrets it when she sees the sadness enveloping Clarke’s eyes. “Never mind, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No it’s okay. My mom left us about a year ago. I walked in on her with some pilates instructor. She hasn’t really talked to us since.” Clarke breathes out the words so easily, the words that usually stings her lungs to say. She couldn’t even say these things to Laurel or Raven or Octavia. But it was so easy to talk to Lexa for some reason.

“I’m so sorry Clarke. You know if it makes you feel better, I don’t have a good relationship with either of my parents..more specifically my mother.” Lexa doesn’t know why she’s just shared that. She doesn’t even talk to Laurel about their parents.

Before Clarke can respond, Jake walks in the room with his apron still on.

“Hey girls.” Jake is all smiles and Southern charm.

“Hey Daddy. This is Lexa.” Clarke kisses her Dad’s cheek and Lexa’s posture stiffens. 

“Well hey there Lexa.”

“Hello Mr. Griffin. Thank you for having me.” Lexa tries to sound as polite as possible but it’s obvious she’s very nervous.

“Now none of that. You’ll call me Jake and no need for thanking me. You’ll always be welcome at the Griffin’s.” Jake smiles and Lexa is shocked. Her parents are so formal..so cold. They never show emotion. Where do you think Lexa gets it from? But the Griffins. Now they’re a whole different animal. Clarke is so kind and loving, just like her father apparently. Lexa can’t imagine how Clarke’s mother would ever leave them.

“Clarke didn’t even mention that she already had a girlfriend in town. How did you two meet?” Jake asks with a smile on his face. Both Lexa and Clarke choke on their food.

“Mr. Griffin..uh I mean Jake...I’m not - I mean me and Clarke..we aren’t um” Lexa rambles nervously trying to find the right words. She looks over to Clarke who is smiling, enjoying Lexa’s awkwardness a little too much.

“Daddy, what Lexa is trying to say is that we aren’t dating.” Clarke laughs a bit. How could her Dad ever think that?

“Oh well I’m sorry then. The poor girl was so darn nervous, I just assumed this was a ‘meet the parents’ kind of dinner.” Jake smiles before going in the kitchen to grab some more water.

Lexa’s cheeks heat up red in embarrassment. She’s so embarrassed that Jake could tell she was nervous. Clarke obviously noticed too then. God, this is the worst. This is exactly why she doesn’t do this sort of thing.

“Don’t worry. I think it’s sweet you’re all nervous. I like seeing this side of Lexa Woods.” Clarke whispers and squeezes her hand. Lexa’s hand tingles in the most pleasant of ways. She loves being close to Clarke Griffin. Correction : this is definitely _not_ the worst.

///

Dinner goes by smoothly after that and after helping clear the dishes, Clarke and Lexa go upstairs to Clarke’s bedroom. Lexa looks around the room and sees artwork littering the desk and walls.

“Did you draw all this?” Lexa asks in awe.

“Yeah. It’s been a passion of mine I guess since forever.” Clarke rubs the back of her neck just like she does whenever she’s nervous and people are looking at her artwork.

“They’re beautiful. There’s so much emotion in each piece Clarke! God, I wish I could draw like this.” Lexa seems so excited looking at her pieces. It’s like Lexa is slipping into a different personality, her real one perhaps.

“Thank you. And I mean hey, I can’t dribble a ball for the life of me. We all have our talents.” Clarke says while moving closer to Lexa.

“Yeah but this is-” Lexa’s happy voice falls short once she spots a certain sketch. “Is that Laurel?” Lexa picks up the piece and stares closely at it.

“Oh yeah. We were at the lake last week when I sketched that.” Clarke says casually but it’s not casual for Lexa. For Lexa, she’s being enveloped by something foreign to her..jealousy.

“How cute of you two.” Lexa says with unneeded sass. She drops the sketch back on the desk and moves to grab her bag. “I think I should leave, it’s getting late.”

Clarke’s face scrunches up in confusion. Lexa really gives her whiplash with all her emotional back and forth.

“I thought we were gonna hangout.” Clarke plainly states and Lexa turns around. She looks at the confused girl and sighs. Why does she always do this? Why can’t she just deal with things like a normal person instead of running away and doing stupid reckless shit? 

“I...I don’t know Clarke.” Lexa struggles to find the right words.

“What don’t you know?” Clarke asks softly, clearly Lexa is struggling right now. She wants to be patient and give Lexa the time to find the right words.

“I don’t know how to do this.” Lexa breathes the words out and it’s like immense weight has been lifted off her shoulders. “I don’t know how to act around you.”

“Lexa, stay with me for a bit. We can just talk and hangout. You do these things with Octavia right? It’ll be easy I promise.” Clarke’s words calm Lexa to a degree, but there’s one problem with them. Octavia is by no means Clarke Griffin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm getting mixed comments about Laurel/Clarke and Lexa/Clarke. I have the next three chapters finished. All I can say is that some of you will not like one of the upcoming chapters. I won't reveal why though. Like I said before, there is a lot of angst in this fic. So just remember that. My fics are always clexa endgame though so also keep that in mind. With all that being said, thank you so much for all the comments and I hope you continue to do so. Love y'all.


	6. Octavia's Surprise Party Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Octavia's surprise party! Some interesting things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

The next few days fly by. At lunch now, instead of fighting with Clarke, Lexa sits next to her and talks. Sometimes Octavia joins in the conversation, but it’s mainly Clarke and Lexa. Clarke enjoys talking to Lexa like this. She’s not an asshole around her. When Lexa isn’t trying, she can actually be very charming.

Friday comes and it’s time for the party. It’s Clarke’s job to get her to Lexa’s house.

“Hey Tav, you almost ready?” Clarke calls out from the bathroom. Clarke told her that they were all going to go to a bar in the next town over that doesn’t card. She needed an excuse for Octavia to get all dressed up like she usually would for a party.

“Yeah almost. So what’s going on between you and Woods?” Octavia asks as she applies her eyeliner.

“Me and Lexa? Nothing I swear.” Clarke’s cheeks heat up. Lexa and her are just friends. It’s all they can be. Clarke thinks Lexa would never commit and she refuses to be a one night stand.

“Actually I was talking about you and Laurel.” Octavia smirks and Clarke’s face pales considerably.

“Oh.” Clarke looks embarrassed.

“I guess that answers my question.” Octavia chuckles.

“Laurel is a great girl. I’ll be lying if I say I didn’t think about kissing her and maybe even more.” Octavia’s eyebrows waggle up but Clarke puts her hand up signaling she’s not finished yet. “But, with that being said, I’m pretty sure we are going to stay just friends.” Clarke answers truthfully. She’s not sure where she stands with either Woods. It’s all much too messy.

“I say go for it. Laurel is hot. So is Lexa. Just remember, you can only have one.” Octavia winks and that’s the end of the conversation. Clarke stands there motionless. Does she even want either of them? Of course she does. She just has to figure out which one.

///

They get to the party and Octavia is pleasantly surprised. Clarke immediately finds Laurel in the crowd and smiles at her. Lexa is in the corner and watches painfully as Clarke runs up to her sister and hugs her. It hits her right in the chest. Of course Clarke seeks out Laurel naturally. Laurel is so good. She’s everything. And what is Lexa? Nothing. 

Lexa refuses to pity herself so she goes and grabs a stronger drink, ready to party her insecurities away.

Clarke and Laurel grab drinks and go sit on the couch. They chat and laugh for a good hour when another dark haired beautiful girl comes up to them. She doesn’t recognize her but Laurel seems to.

“Luna?” Laurel asks in an awe tone.

“Hello Laurel. Lincoln invited me. I hope that’s okay.” Luna smiles widely at Laurel but narrows her eyes at Clarke. Clarke recognizes that look. It’s the same look she finds herself giving the girls Lexa goes with. It’s jealousy.

“And who is this?” Luna sounds just a tad too sweet.

“Oh right! This is..” Laurel struggles for a second. Between seeing her ex and all the alcohol she’s consumed, the quiet book nerd is a bit overwhelmed.

“Clarke. Clarke Griffin. I’m a _friend_ of Laurel’s.” Clarke accentuates the word ‘friend’ and suddenly Luna’s posture relaxes. Her smile becomes genuine and her eyes smile.

“Ah Clarke! Lincoln mentioned you. I heard you’ve been challenging our little Lexa quite a bit.” Luna teases and Clarke and Laurel chuckle a bit. 

“Lexa needs to challenged a bit.” Clarke says before taking a sip of her drink.

The blonde observes the ex lovers and it’s certainly interesting what the pair’s interactions. What Clarke notices is that Laurel can’t take her eyes of Luna. Clarke starts thinking that Laurel isn’t as over Luna as she previously said. And from the heart eyes Luna is throwing Laurel, neither is her ex. Not romantically compatible my ass, Clarke thinks. These two girls in front of her have so much chemistry, they are basically about to combust.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Luna smiles and takes a seat next to Laurel, sitting especially close. 

Clarke realizes something in that moment. She’s happy for Laurel. She’s not jealous at all. She’s genuinely excited at the prospect of Laurel being happy...with someone else. She’s not going to lie, Laurel is gorgeous. Laurel is kind and sweet and perfect. Laurel _should_ be the perfect girl for her. But she isn’t. She isn’t because she has Lexa Woods stuck in her brain and she can’t seem to rid herself of the basketball star. She’s stuck on Lexa Woods.

///

Clarke goes into the other room, leaving Laurel and Luna alone to reconnect. Octavia pulls her on the floor where they are playing the middle school game of ‘Spin the Bottle.’ Clarke is about to protest but then she sees Lexa sitting next to some beautiful dark skinned goddess and she lets her jealousy get the better of her. Clarke and Lexa lock eyes for quite some time until the girl beside Lexa whispers in the basketball player’s ear. Lexa regretfully looks away.

“That’s Costia Davis.” Octavia whispers in Clarke’s ear.

“What?” Clarke is confused. Who’s Costia Davis? Suddenly, it hits her. Octavia realized she was staring at Lexa and this Costia person. She was probably even throwing daggers at the poor girl with her eyes.

“Costia Davis. She’s two years older than us. Her and Lexa slept together for all of Lexa’s sophomore year.” Octavia is careful to make sure that nobody can hear them. Clarke is fuming though. She’s irrationally jealous and it’s driving her up a wall. 

“Wait, but I thought Lexa didn’t stay with anyone for too long?! A year is a really long fucking time.” Clarke whisper angrily.

“They weren’t exclusive. I think towards the end, Costia wanted to be. I know Lexa thought about it for a hot second too. But she just decided to end things altogether instead. Lexa doesn’t like being faced with emotions.” 

“So Lexa had feelings for this girl?!” Clarke whispers yells and Octavia chuckles. Clarke realizes how jealous she sounds in that moment and her cheeks heat up red.

“And you said you didn’t like Lexa. Ha! That fury in your eyes says something else.”

“I don’t!” Clarke says really loud and the whole group stares at them. Lexa looks her softly like a confused puppy and it only agitates Clarke more. Lexa has to stop looking all cute and affectionate at her.

“Alright it’s time for some good old fashioned ‘Spin the Bottle.’ But let’s turn it up a notch. We aren’t in middle school after all. Kisses have to last at least ten seconds and include some tongue, won’t ya?” Finn finishes saying the rules and winks at Clarke. Lexa’s tightens her grip on her cup. She hates the way Finn Collins looks at Clarke. It drives her up a wall.

“Hey, you okay?” Costia asks her and Lexa grits her teeth.

“I’m fine.” Costia nods, knowing Lexa is hiding something but it’s not her place anymore to know what’s bothering her. Maybe it was never her place to know at all.

Lexa was shocked to see Costia at the party. They slept together for a long time last year. It was a casual hookup situation. They weren’t exclusive. Actually, Costia was the first one of the two of them to sleep with someone else when they started their arrangement. After that, Lexa cursed herself for being so vulnerable and slept with someone too. It was petty and childish, but Lexa never learned how to be mature when coping with her emotions. 

So that started a cycle. Her and Costia’s ‘relationship’ (and I use the word relationship loosely) wasn’t healthy. By the end, Costia asked her for more commitment. But Costia was going to college soon and they were already so deep in this non-exclusive thing. Plus, Lexa Woods wasn’t a one woman kind of girl. She established that early on. Costia wasn’t suppose to be either. That’s why Lexa ended things. Lines were getting blurred. Emotions are much too messy so the basketball player ended it before it got even messier. 

Finn spins the bottle first and it lands on some blonde girl. As long as it’s not a particular blonde girl, Lexa doesn’t care who Finn Collins kisses. A few more spins later, the bottle lands on Lexa. Lexa looks to see who spun and it’s Lincoln.

“Oh god no. He’s like my brother. I’m not listening to your bullshit rules Finn.” 

Lexa looks over to the Lincoln, who looks equally uncomfortable. Then, she looks at Octavia and Clarke. They’re hysterical laughing. At least somebody finds this interesting. Lexa crawls over to Lincoln and kisses his cheek and sits back down.

“That wasn’t ten seconds.” Octavia whines out, enjoying messing with her boyfriend and best friend a little too much.

“I don’t listen to anyone’s rules if I don’t want to.” Lexa grumbles out and spins the bottle. Of course, it lands on Clarke. Clarke and Lexa audibly gulp. The group hoots and hollers.

Lexa crawls over to Clarke, only this time it’s much sexier. Clarke stares at Lexa’s face, but her eyes drift to Lexa’s breasts on display from the angle she’s crawling. Lexa follows her gaze and instead of smirking at her, she blushes and bites her lip. Lexa Woods apparently has some modesty. All it took was Clarke Griffin to bring it out of her.

“You know I can kiss your cheek if you’re not comfortable.” Lexa insecurely mumbles. She wants to kiss Clarke more than she can breathe. Truthfully, she thinks she might cry for the first time in forever if Clarke rejects her. She doesn’t know when or why these intense feelings for the blonde came. But they’re here nevertheless and it’s scaring the shit out of her.

“You can kiss me on the lips.” Clarke croaks out, her body on fire with anticipation. Lexa’s eyes widen as if she never thought Clarke would consent to such a thing. Lexa nods and leans in.

Clarke’s first thought are kissing Lexa Woods is that her lips are soft like pillows. The second is that Lexa really knows how to use her tongue and expertly her teeth. Clarke sucks on Lexa’s bottom lip and Lexa feels her body pulsate in pleasure and arousal. Lexa Woods lets out a whimper. A whimper! Lexa Woods is literally reduced to whimpering around Clarke Griffin. She’s never whimpered before. Lexa doesn’t even seem to care though because in this moment, she’s kissing her love. Wait no. Not her love. Her crush? No, that’s not the right word either.

Lexa starts to feel overheated and not in a good way. Clarke moans slightly in her mouth and it’s enough to send Lexa’s brain into overdrive. The basketball player pulls away and stares into blue. It’s all too much for her though. She’s feeling things she’s never felt before, things she wanted to hide from her whole life. 

“Lexa didn’t seem to mind listening to my rules then.” Finn mumbles out and Octavia lightly flicks his head. This is not the time to be a smartass.

“I-I have to go.” Lexa jumps up and speed walks into the other room leaving a confused Clarke in her wake.

///

Costia follows after Lexa while everyone else just stares at Clarke. Clarke swallows down her mixed emotions and puts a fake smile on. There was a hell of a lot of emotions in that kiss and she’s not really sure what it all meant. The game ends after that, nobody understanding what the hell just happened. Everyone goes their separate ways. Before Octavia can question her on what just happened, Clarke hurries into the other room. The blonde goes to grab another drink and runs into Echo.

“Hey there, it’s our new star player.” Echo jokes and Clarke laughs.

“I’m not even on the team yet.” Clarke shakes her head and pours herself a strong drink.

“Soon though. Speaking of which, I believe I was promised celebratory shots?” Echo asks with a cute smile on her face.

“I’m ready whenever you are.” Clarke fires back, an equally cute smile on her own face.

“Oh I’m definitely ready right now.” There’s a glint of something in Echo’s eyes and it sends shivers down Clarke’s spine. Clarke isn’t really sure about anything anymore. These last few weeks have been one roller coaster ride after another. She just doesn’t understand anything and anyone anymore...especially Lexa Woods.

Clarke takes three shots with Echo and they end up laughing and having a nice little talk. Clarke excuses herself and goes to look for Lexa, finally having the liquid courage to speak to her. She needs to know if she’s just imagining things or if there’s actually something between them worth exploring.

Clarke touches her lips and closes her eyes, remembering the sensation of Lexa’s plump lips on her own. It doesn’t feel real to her. Lexa Woods kissed her. Clarke knows it was just a dare, but still. They kissed and it was amazing.

Clarke turns the corner and sees that Costia girl dancing with Lexa. Her heart drops. Costia’s head is resting on Lexa’s shoulder as she grinds on the basketball player. Clarke can feel the tears welling in her eyes and she doesn’t even know why. It’s not like that kiss really meant anything. But Clarke was so sure that Lexa felt something for her besides lust. 

Lexa closes her eyes and tightens her grip on Costia’s waist. She’s aroused that’s for sure. Her boner is so blatantly obvious at this point. She’s mostly wound up thanks to that one kiss with Clarke. Clarke. One kiss with the blonde and she’s in deeper than she ever has been. Lexa needed air after that kiss because she was feeling things she never let herself feel before. And then Costia came up to her and started whispering in her ear about all the fun they’ve had in the past. Lexa’s drunk and Clarke is too good for her. Clarke isn’t even into her anyways. She’s probably into her sister. She even sketched her. That kiss was just a dare for Clarke and that’s why she had to run away. Because if she stayed Clarke might have seen that their kiss meant so much more to her than a dare.

Costia is an easy distraction. When Lexa closes her eyes, she can imagine Clarke is with her and not Costia. Costia kisses her neck and she moans lightly. She wishes it's Clarke’s lips trailing down her neck. Suddenly, she feels dirty like she did something wrong. She doesn’t want Costia. She wants Clarke. Finally, she gets it. She wants Clarke to be hers, but that doesn’t make any sense. Lexa Woods has never wanted anyone to be hers.

“Do you want to go upstairs?”

“More than ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm surprised at how passionate everyone is in the comment section haha. I just wanna say I really do love all of you and I appreciate everyone's opinions. I truly do. I just wanna stress that this is safe place for everyone to share their thoughts though. So let's be respectful of everyone's varying opinions.
> 
> I would love to comment on every single response to the story, but I'm so busy right now. My work schedule just picked up and my boss gave me a huge project. So while I do have time to write, I don't have the time I wish I had to comment. Just know that you're all awesome. 
> 
> Have faith in the story. I've said from the beginning that there will be angst and there might be storylines you won't love. I wish I could tell you what I have planned but I can't. It'll ruin the story. It will get better though. You'll see soon enough if you choose to stick with the story. As always, thank you for reading :)
> 
> Oh and the next chapter is coming up in a few hours after I sleep and edit it.


	7. Octavia's Surprise Party Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia's party continues and hook ups ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.
> 
> I don't usually like doing this but since so many of you have asked for a warning for smut with other people, I've italicized a scene that gets a little heated. I wouldn't really call it smut but hey I'm just throwing the warning out there anyways.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” Echo quietly asks her as she sits down next to Clarke on the porch outside. Clarke has been camped outside there for ten minutes trying to figure out how she feels about Lexa. She decides in that moment that she is just a tad drunk and the kiss meant nothing. Lexa Woods is obviously a good kisser, but that’s all she felt. Nothing else. That couldn’t be a bigger lie. But Clarke Griffin decides to lie to herself and she’s pretty damn convincing. Clarke decides she needs to leave her fairytale fantasies of Lexa Woods wanting her and only her in the dust. It's just not gonna happen. Oh how wrong she is.

Clarke looks over at Echo who’s wearing a small smile on her face. Her hair is up in a ponytail and she has hot smokey eye makeup on. Her lip gloss is a shiny dark red and she swears the moon is reflecting off of it. Echo is hot and really nice.

“More than ever.” Clarke responds with a smile on her face, confident she’s making the right decision. Clarke can be spontaneous too. Clarke is allowed to have some fun.

The pair walk the short distance up to one of the guest rooms that aren’t occupied and the soccer player shuts the door. Echo takes a sip of her drink and sits down next to Clarke.

“What are you drinking?” Clarke asks to distract herself from how close Echo is to her. 

“Oh.” Echo says a little confused, clearly not expecting that to be what comes out of Clarke’s mouth next. “Coke and rum. How about you?”

“Tequila and a little bit of orange juice.” Clarke shrugs, sipping on her strong drink like it was water.

“Clarke, that sounds strong. Give me a taste.” Echo leans into Clarke and puts her lip on Clarke’s red solo cup. She takes a big gulp of the liquid and her face scrunches up.

“That’s really strong Clarke. How many have you had?” Echo asks a little shocked that the small blonde is still okay.

“I don’t know. A lot I guess. I’m fine though I have a high tolerance.” It’s true. For someone so small, Clarke can drink a crazy amount. Clarke has definitely drank way more than Echo but Echo is a grade A lightweight so they’re on the same level right now.

“You’re the opposite of me then.” Echo laughs and shakes her head. “I don’t drink a lot so I don’t need much to feel good.” The dark haired brunette says casually before drinking some more of her own drink. Clarke bites her lip before asking her next question.

“Do you feel good now?” Clarke says a little shakily. Echo looks over to Clarke and her eyes look hungry.

“Really good.” Echo whispers, staring at Clarke’s lips. “But that might have to do more with the fact that I’m with you.”

_Clarke looks into her eyes when she says the last part. It feels good to be wanted. Echo is cute and flirty. Clarke doesn’t know her well but it’s just a party hookup. It doesn’t have to mean anything. She really wants to stay feeling adventurous like this so Clarke doesn’t give it a second thought when she leans in and kisses her lips._

_Echo responds enthusiastically, following Clarke’s lead. The soccer player smiles into the kiss and uses her free hand to cup Clarke’s cheek. The separate soon after and Clarke bites her lip._

_“I really liked that.” Clarke says with lust evident in her eyes._

_“Me too. You think we could try that again?” Echo rasps out._

_Clarke chuckles and nods. Clarke grabs Echo and her own almost empty cups and place them on the nightstand. When Clarke turns back around to face Echo, the darker haired girl is already placing her lips on the younger blonde’s._

_Clarke deepens the kiss and Echo moans at the gentle intrusion of Clarke’s tongue in her mouth. Clarke holds the back of Echo’s head and the kisses grow heated. They only stop when they need to catch a breath. When they start kissing again, Clarke pulls Echo in close and they end up in a tangle of limbs on the bed._

_Echo is on top of Clarke and their touches are growing more needy.Clarke pushes her thigh in between Echo’s leg and moves her hands to the brunette’s ass to encourage movement. Echo gets the message and starts to grind on Clarke’s leg. It feels amazing._

_Clarke moves her hands all over Echo’s body over her tight dress. She can feel the goosebumps on Echo’s skin. Echo stops kissing Clarke and catches her breath, not moving but instead just staring down at the flushed blonde._

_“Are you okay with what’s happening?” Echo asks breathlessly as she tucks a strand of hair behind Clarke’s ear. Clarke smiles up at this girl._

_“I am definitely okay with this, more than okay. Are you?” Clarke reassures her._

_“Of course I am. I’ve been into you since the first day of school. You just didn’t notice me.” Echo breathes out, still a little out of breath. Clarke leans up and kisses her lips for a brief second. Clarke had no idea Echo was into her. Now that she thinks of it, she’s been stuck in a world of Lexa and Laurel. And at the end of the day, she got neither of them. Echo seems to like her alot and she thinks she could like Echo too._

_“I’ve definitely noticed you now.” Clarke teases and looks up at the soccer player while she says it. Echo smiles wide, biting her lip the whole time._

_“Good, because I really don’t want to stop kissing you.” Echo breathes out. Clarke chuckles and leans up to capture Echo’s lips. The two girls keep kissing for quite some time. Both of their dresses are hiked up to their waists._

_“Clarke, we are going kind of far.” Echo pants out as she grinds down some more on Clarke’s strong naked thigh. The brunette really doesn’t want to stop. She loves being this close to Clarke and she can feel her impending orgasm building to impossible heights. Clarke is nipping and sucking at her neck and it feels so wonderful._

_“We can stop if you want.” Clarke says, pausing kissing her neck._

_“Do you want to?” Echo asks insecurely._

_“I don’t. But there’s no pressure. I don’t mind just talking to you either.” Clarke mumbles against her lips._

_Echo kisses her and mumbles out a few expletives against her lips. “I don’t want to stop either.” Clarke sucks a mark into her pulse point. The blonde nervously moves her hands to the girl’s naked thighs and pulls her impossibly closer. “Oh god.” Echo moans out as her clit rubs against her lacy panties and Clarke’s thigh. Clarke is too nervous to put her hands in the other girl’s panties. She doesn’t even have to it seems. Echo’s orgasm hits her hard and she buries her head in Clarke’s neck. Echo’s breathing is heavy and rapid with little moans escaping from her lips and she rides out her climax. Clarke steadies her as she tenses up and glides against her thigh jerkily. Echo relaxes into Clarke. The blonde can feel her hot breath tickling her neck._

_“Sorry.” Echo says sheepishly, presumably embarrassed for orgasming from limited touch. “It’s been a long time.”_

_“Why are you apologizing? That was really hot.” Clarke rasps out. Echo has no reason to be shy. Clarke is beyond turned on._

_“You don’t have to say that Clarke.” Echo whispers, her eyes drooping into sleep._

_“I really do mean it though.” Clarke’s words are sincere and Echo can tell. The other girl lifts her head once she gets her energy back and kisses Clarke passionately._

_Echo’s hand goes to Clarke’s dress zipper and she breaks the kiss with the blonde._

_“Would it be okay if I took this off?” Echo nervously says and if Clarke wasn’t so nervous herself she would realize how cute a nervous Echo is. Clarke thinks about it for a second. It’s not like she hasn’t done this before. Niylah and her have done this many many times. With Niylah, they even made out in only their underwear. They grinded on each other and it was hot. Clarke and Echo are even still in their dresses but lifted up to their hips. It definitely feels like this could go into uncharted territory soon though. Does she want that? Echo is so nice to her, but she barely knows her. What the hell is she doing? I mean she always said she never cared, but does she? Is this what she really wants? Is she ready to lose her virginity? Maybe she should have thought a little more about this before she gotten into bed with the sweet girl. Clarke has a decision to make._

///

After a while of dancing with Costia, the girl wanted to go upstairs with Lexa. Lexa of course thought it was a good idea. She grabbed Costia and they made their way to the stairs. Costia pushes her against the wall and she kissed Lexa’s lips. It was all teeth and toungue and more importantly, it wasn’t Clarke.

It was an odd thought. Nothing ever stopped Lexa Woods but now she’s being assaulted my images of her and Clarke in her mind. But Clarke is just her friend. Lexa tightly closes her eyes and softly pushes Costia off of her.

“Stop Cos.” Lexa quietly says and Costia looks at her with confusion evident in her eyes.

“It’s that blonde isn’t it? Clarke?” Costia says with a sad smile and Lexa looks at her with shock. How does Costia know who Clarke is? She goes to college an hour away and Clarke just came back.

“How did you know that?” Lexa asks shocked.

“Well I saw how you looked at her all night. It was the way I always wanted you to look at me. Then you mumbled her name when I was dancing on you. I can tell you were thinking of her.” Costia says bittersweet.

“Cos-”

“It’s okay. I know we were never anything but sex to you Lexa.” Costia says, a little sad but still smiling.

“No. You were amazing Cos. I just - I can’t..I’m broken. There’s something wrong with me.” Lexa breathes out and it feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

“You’re not broken Lex. You have issues to work on, absolutely. But don’t ever think you are broken. Don’t mess this one up. You feel something for her.”

Lexa looks as if she’s going to protest but Costia waves her off. “I know you better than you think Lexa. We might not have been together but I could have loved you if you only let me in. I know you think yourself incapable of love. But stop with that. You could love Clarke and she could love you back if you just let her in. Let yourself love her. Stop being your own worst enemy.” Costia kisses her forehead before walking out the door. Lexa stands firmly rooted in her spot. Her heart is beating scary fast. Should she let Clarke in?

Lexa makes her way through the party looking for Clarke. She asks Octavia and Lincoln and the whole crew. Nobody has seen her since a few hours ago. They all just assumed she went home. Lexa doesn’t like this one bit though. Clarke would have told someone if she was leaving. She’s not irresponsible like that. 

“I think I’m going to go look for her.” Lexa says out loud and Lincoln gets up.

“I’ll help. Where’s Laurel? Maybe Clarke is with her.” Lincoln says innocently but Lexa’s stomach drops. God no. Clarke and Laurel just can’t be together. She’s finally gotten her head out of her ass. She hopes she’s not too late.

“Yeah maybe. Just start looking please, okay?” Lexa says unsurely. She goes to check the backyard first. She’s going to leave Laurel’s room for last because she’s afraid of what she might find.

Lexa wanders off with a weird look on her face and Lincoln watches her, confused at what upset her. He shakes his head because Lexa would never tell him what’s wrong anyways. She would only tell Laurel or maybe Clarke. They seem to have a really intense connection as of late. Then it clicks in his head. Clarke. Lexa likes Clarke. And Laurel and Clarke are close too. Maybe she’s jealous of Laurel and Clarke’s friendship. I mean as far as he knows, it’s platonic...right?

Lincoln makes his way upstairs and hesitantly knocks on Laurel’s door. He stands there for a moment until he hears some movement on the other side of the door. He knocks again.

“What is it?” Laurel asks without opening the door.

“Laurel? Can you open the door?” Lincoln asks cautiously.

“Uh sure I guess. Just give me one minute.” Laurel sounds a little frazzled. He hears some more movement and a minute or two later, Laurel finally opens the door.

Laurel has pajamas on, a oversized t shirt and sleep shorts. Her hair is wild though. She doesn’t have her glasses on and the room is completely dark. Maybe she was sleeping? Yeah, Lincoln decides to settle on that idea. Laurel probably got tired and came upstairs to sleep. She was never a big partier anyways. Then Lincoln sees the angry red splotch on Laurel’s neck. It’s unmistakably a hickey. This isn’t good at all. He can only hope it’s not from Clarke or else it’s about to get really crazy in here. 

“What’s wrong Lincoln? Is it Lexa?” Laurel asks worriedly, like the protective older sister she is.

“No she’s fine. We are actually looking for Clarke. Nobody has seen her for a few hours and Lexa is worried about her.” Lincoln watches as Laurel’s face portrays a series of emotions. Guilt. Confusion. And so many others.

“Lexa is worried..about Clarke?” Laurel draws the words out slowly.

“Yeah. Weird right? I thought they hated each other.” Lincoln tries to ease the tension building so obviously in Laurel’s face.

“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought too.” Laurel says, seemingly in her own world. “Well tell Lexa not to worry. Clarke is sleeping in here tonight.”

Lincoln’s eyes widen and it takes everything in him not to drop his mouth in shock. Did they hook up? Was Clarke just tired and decided to crash in Laurel’s room? Does Laurel like Clarke too? Does Lexa really like Clarke? Who does Clarke like? Does she like them both? Octavia said Clarke is a virgin, is that still true after tonight? Wow. This feels like it was pulled straight from Shakespeare’s playbook.

“Oh okay.” Lincoln tries to sound cheery and casual but it falls a little short. Laurel narrows her eyes at him, probably trying to figure out what’s going on in Lincoln’s head. “Well goodnight to you two then.” Lincoln says with a friendly smile on his face.

Laurel closes the door and leans against it, deeply sighing. Lexa never shows worry for anyone..expect sometimes Laurel. She prays she is wrong but she has a sneaking suspicion that Lexa might feel something for Clarke Griffin, the very same Clarke Griffin who is fast asleep in her bed. What a mess this is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of passion in that comment section lol. I don't know what to say except that these kids are confused hormonal teenagers...Lexa AND Clarke included. So yeah Lexa makes mistakes but so does Clarke. It'll be a long road to Clexa but that's because I want to make it perfect. They both will have things they need to sort out. 
> 
> Also, there are a few plot twists in here and you're probably really confused by the ending. You'll find out what really happened that night in the next chapter. 
> 
> I always said there will be other romantic interests for both of them so don't hate me too much for throwing Echo in there. I know it seems random but it's a party hookup. Not everything has build up. Some things just happen.
> 
> Let's enjoy the story and try to not slut shame. I really appreciate every single one of you voicing your opinions though so please continue to do so. Just be respectful because I want this to be a safe space for all.
> 
> I hope you guys like where I'm heading with this and continue to read :)


	8. Lexa's Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is heartbroken after finding out Clarke is in Laurel's bed. But is she just jumping to conclusions? First glimpse of Lexa's parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

Lincoln goes back downstairs to find a frantic Lexa. Lexa bumps into him on his way to the living room.

“No luck yet?” Lexa asks worriedly and suddenly Lincoln hates that he has to tell Lexa this. Lexa never shows emotions and he fears this is going to break this sudden burst of progress.

“Actually I found Clarke.” Lincoln says, trying to act casual but it’s really hard when Lexa’s face shows so much worry and affection on it than he ever has seen before.

“Where is she?” Lexa’s face lights up at the news.

“Laurel said she’s crashing in her room tonight. Pretty sure she’s already asleep. Maybe she had one too many or something.” Lincoln throws the last sentence in to try and reassure Lexa that the girl she may or may not have feelings for wasn’t hooking up with her sister. Lexa’s face falls though. You can see the exact moment the light that Clarke Griffin has brought to her life drains from her body. She looks tired, emotionally exhausted.

“Oh.” Lexa says it so sadly. Lincoln really feels for her, but she did push away Clarke after that kiss. The blonde probably is confused too. Hell, Lincoln is confused and he’s not even a part of this. 

“Well hey that’s good, Laurel deserves a hot girl in her bed every now and then too. Am I right?” Lexa cringes as the bitter words leave her mouth like venom but it’s how she deals with things. She smirks and puts on her asshole facade. It’s how she survives. Love is weakness after all.

“Lex-” Lincoln tries but Lexa waves him off.

“I’m going to get another beer.” Lexa smiles and walks away but it’s all a facade. Inside, she feels like her heart is crumbling. Her body feels hot in the worst possible of ways. Her throat feels tight and her stomach sick. Did they sleep together? Who is she kidding, they probably did. Laurel is so kind and sweet. She’s nothing like Lexa. Why would anyone want her when they could have Laurel? People go to Lexa for meaningless sex. People go to Laurel for love. Lexa isn’t cut out to be loved. She’s known it ever since she was a kid when her parents would ignore her presence.

_Eleven Years Ago_

_“Mummy! Daddy! I made you a present.” Lexa runs down the stairs to her parents who are sitting in the living room, sipping on some wine._

_“Charles, that girl is giving me a migraine.” Her mother, Beatrice, says annoyed at her daughter’s very presence._

_Charles rolls his eyes. “Alright Alexandria, just give it here.” The tall dark haired man grabs the drawing from her hands and throws it on the table. Her father is not mean like her mother. Instead, he just chooses to ignore her presence for the most part._

_Lexa’s eyes fill with tears. Even at 6 years old, Lexa can tell her parents don’t like her very much. They are so dismissive and cold to her. But still, ever so loving Lexa keeps pouring out her love to people who treat her horribly._

_“What kind of garbage did she draw now?” Beatrice mumbles before she drinks her wine. Lexa hears her of course._

_“I-I just wanted to make a pretty picture of you and D-daddy.” Lexa hiccups and sobs. Charles rolls his eyes again._

_“Jesus Christ. Beatrice, you’re always making that girl cry!” Charles grumbles._

_“Laurel, honey.” Beatrice’s voice is much softer. She’s always nicer when she’s speaking to Laurel. Laurel with her big glasses and hair in a cute little french braid walks in._

_“Hi Mommy.” Laurel says with a smile until she sees Lexa crying. She runs over to her sister immediately and envelops her in a tight hug._

_“Hi, my little darling. Your sister is having a moment again. Can you take her upstairs?” Beatrice is so much nicer to Laurel._

_“Yes Mommy.” Laurel says as she hushes Lexa, trying to soothe her little sister._

_“They’re so mean to me.” Lexa whines as she cries into Laurel’s pajama shirt._

_“Mommys and Daddys aren’t suppose to do that.” Laurel says. She doesn’t get how her parents (specifically, their mother) are so cruel to Lexa but so nice to her. What did Lexa ever do?_

_“They love you. Why can’t they love me too?” Lexa hysterically cries and Laurel rocks her back and forth until she falls asleep. When Lexa finally falls into sleep from pure exhaustion, she tucks her in and kisses her forehead. Laurel swears on that day that she will always be her little sister’s protector. But for Lexa, that day is the first memory she has to show that she doesn’t deserve love. And it’s been the catalyst for Lexa’s issues with emotions to this very day._

Lexa sits in the backyard by herself and drinks a beer. Nobody in their right mind would pick her over Laurel. Why was she so stupid to think otherwise? She was so stupid and now her heart is aching for the blonde in her sister’s bed. 

A few girls try to come up and talk to her but she waves them away. For the first time in a long time, she’s just not in the mood. Her energy is drained. She always shuts off her emotions but this is too much. Lexa sits in the backyard alone for the rest of the night, drinking herself into a stupor. Lincoln eventually convinces her to call it a night and he helps her back to a guest room. She refused to sleep in her own room as it’s right next to Laurel’s room and she didn’t want to accidentally hear anything. Lexa falls asleep dreaming of blue eyes and how desperately she wishes that she would be the one waking up to the sight of those eyes and not her sister.

///

Lexa wakes up the next morning with a killer headache. She obviously didn’t drink enough water like her sister always reminds her. For a second, she doesn’t remember that Clarke (probably) slept with Laurel last night. All she remembers is that beautiful kiss that haunted her dreams. Then it all floods back to her. Costia. Clarke. Clarke and Laurel.

Lexa sheds one single tear before she shuts down her emotions and wipes her cheek. She sits up too quickly and the room gets very dizzy. She runs into the attached bathroom and throws up. She lays her head on the toilet and closes her eyes, feeling like she’s going to be sick again. Except she’s not sure if she’s sick because of the alcohol or because of Clarke and Laurel. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. 

Eventually Lexa forces herself up and brushes her teeth. She takes a long shower and the hot water soothes her muscles. Lexa washes her face and then stares at herself in the mirror. She shakes her head in disgust and goes to get changed.

When she gets downstairs, Lincoln and Octavia are already up and sitting on the kitchen bar stools.

“I see Lincoln made his famous pancakes.” Lexa says with a smile on her face. She might be heartbroken and insanely jealous on the inside but she’s not going to let anyone see that side of her. Only Laurel has seen her fully vulnerable and she can’t exactly go to her about this.

“Hi Lexa. How are you feeling?” Lincoln is acting normal and for that, Lexa is eternally grateful. She wouldn’t have been able to take it if Lincoln looked at her with pity. Lexa Woods always gets the girl...for sex. But I guess when it comes to love, she falls short.

“Hungover and in need of sustenance.” Lexa grumbles out and Octavia chuckles.

“Here. Grab some bacon too. They grease will help.” Octavia pushes a plate toward Lexa.

The three of them eat in silence until Octavia speaks up.

“Maybe we should wake up Clarke and Laurel.” Octavia says naively. Lexa’s tenses at the words and shuts her eyes tightly. She’s trying not to run away. She’s trying not to be stupid but it’s so damn hard when images of Clarke and Laurel flash in her mind. She thinks she’s gonna be sick again.

“No need. We’re up.” Laurel says as the two walk in the kitchen. Lexa’s eyes shoot up to observe the pair. Clarke is dressed in Laurel’s clothes. Lexa wishes that she was dressed in her clothes. She could imagine Clarke wearing her basketball jersey to sleep. She would give Clarke a comfy pair of sweats and her varsity sweatshirt to wear in the morning and she would shower her with good morning kisses. These are of course thoughts that nobody will ever hear out of Lexa’s Woods mouth.

Clarke’s hair is wet and so is her sister’s. So they took a shower. Did they shower together? The thought makes the bile rise up in Lexa’s throat. She looks at Clarke who is avoiding her gaze while she gathers a copious amount of bacon on her plate. She looks over to Laurel who is worriedly staring at her with a hint of knowing in her eyes. Laurel couldn’t possibly know she has feelings for Clarke...could she?

Then it hits her. Laurel has a fucking hickey on her neck. A big red hickey is there just taunting Lexa. It’s a cruel cruel joke. She can’t even escape this torture in her own house.

“Fun night?” Octavia winks at Laurel and Clarke. Lexa feels sick to her stomach again. Clarke’s face pales and she bites her lip. Octavia narrows her eyes at her.

“Oh my god Clarke! You have a fucking hickey!.” My head whips so fast I swear I almost broke my neck. Clarke blushes a little and looks up into Lexa's eyes. Lexa gulps. There’s so much emotion in them, I can’t tell what she’s trying to convey to me.

“No I don’t O. Stop it.” Clarke says quietly and Laurel places her hand on Clarke’s back. It’s a friendly show of support, but Lexa sees it differently. For Lexa, it seems like a lover’s intimate touch.

“So does Laurel. Clarke Griffin! Did you lose your virginity last night?!” Octavia claps her hands excitedly like a seal. The hungover basketball player chokes on her bacon. Laurel and Lincoln look at Lexa with eyes of pity and she just can't take it. Lincoln whispers for Octavia to stop talking. The dark haired girl looks over to Lexa with confusion evident in her eyes.

Lexa speeds out of there so fast that she didn’t even get to hear Clarke’s answer. She couldn’t bear hearing her say yes though. Lexa didn’t even know she was a virgin. And now she’s slept with her sister...probably. Who is Lexa kidding? Of course she did. She can hear Laurel calling my name but she doesn't slow down. Lexa grabs her shoes and keys and hops onto her bike. She just can’t be here right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I do realize that there is no resolution for what happened at the party in this chapter and I am sorry for that. I know y'all are still confused. If you read between the lines of Chapter 7, you probably can guess what happened.Next chapter will clear everything up. 
> 
> This chapter is just some insight on how Lexa feels right now. I feel like we haven't seen a lot of Lexa's actual emotions. We have only see her facade for the most part. So this is how she views herself. She thinks she's not capable of being loved. It's a very sad chapter but somebody (cough cough Clarke) will eventually come around and show her that she is so much more than she believes she is.
> 
> Don't forget, Lexa could totally be jumping to conclusions in this chapter (which is totally plausible). So wait until the next chapter and the truth will be revealed. I just wanted to post an extra little chapter. Enjoy!


	9. Alcohol and Exes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks to the party explaining what really happened. We also see where Lexa goes after storming out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

Clarke wakes up under a warm body. Someone is clutching on to her for dear life and snoring into her ear. She slowly opens her eyes and realizes it’s Laurel. Her head is pounding and her bladder is so full it hurts. Laurel looks so peaceful but she has to wake her up right now.

“Laurel.” Clarke softly says. “It’s time to wake up.”

Laurel’s facial features scrunch up. She realizes she’s cuddling Clarke and she creates an appropriate space.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Laurel mumbles out, obviously embarrassed.

“Hey no worries. It doesn’t bother me.” Clarke says reassuringly. “How are you holding up today?” Clarke’s voice is much softer.

“Better. Alcohol plus exes don’t mix too well.” Laurel chuckles to cover up her hurt and Clarke looks at her with a sympathetic smile.

“Luna is an idiot.” Clarke says sincerely.

“I’m the idiot that thought last night meant something more than it actually did.” Laurel mumbles defeatedly.

“Hey don’t do that.” By now they are sitting up in the bed. Clarke touches Laurel’s hand in support. “You guys dated. You were each other’s firsts. For you, your only. Lines were blurred and alcohol makes them even blurrier. You’re not an idiot.”

“I feel like one.” Laurel says, a little teary eyed. Clarke frowns and pulls her in for a hug.

“Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Clarke rubs her back up and down until Laurel’s sniffles are gone. She didn’t cry a lot but she’s definitely upset and in need of comforting. And that’s what friends do. They comfort each other. After last night, Laurel certainly needed a friend.

///

_A few hours ago_

_“Luna.” Laurel moans and whimpers as Luna expertly pushes her two fingers in and out of the older Woods’. Laurel is propped up on the bathroom counter with her legs wrapped around Luna’s close body._

_“Do you like that?” Luna whispers into her ear, sucking on her earlobe. Laurel just moans in response. She knows she isn’t going to last long since it’s been awhile for her. Luna, on the other hand, seems to have picked up some new moves in their time apart. Laurel wills away the thought of Luna with others._

_Soon enough, Laurel comes undone on Luna’s fingers. Her head lays on her ex’s shoulder as she tries to catch her breath. Laurel smiles and kisses Luna’s shoulder, causing the older girl to shudder under her lips._

_“I gotta go.” Luna mumbles as she retracts herself from Laurel’s embrace. Laurel’s face forms a deeply confused frown._

_“Wait, I don’t understand. I thought..I thought that we-” Laurel’s voice is shaky._

_“Listen, Laurel, we had something special. I will always cherish it. But I go to college hours away now. It was hard enough to maintain a relationship when I was just in the town over. It’s unrealistic to think we could make long distance work.” Luna says softly, kissing the girl’s forehead._

_“Why did you sleep with me then?” Laurel asks, clearly hurt. Her heart is aching. She’s convinced herself for so long that they weren’t romantically compatible, that Luna was only the first gay person she’s ever met and that’s why they had such a strong connection. But she was wrong. Luna was her first love. That’s not something easily forgotten._

_Luna looks guilty for a moment. She tucks a strand of Laurel’s sweaty hair behind her cute little ears._

_“Sweetie, I thought you realized what this was. I’m so sorry.” Luna gently says. She wishes things could be different, but she doesn’t believe in long distance. The only reason she’s here now is because she’s on a break. She’s leaving in a few days though. It just wouldn’t work._

_“If only the circumstances were different, maybe we-” Luna tries to comfort Laurel, but it only falls short._

_“I get it.” Laurel cuts her off, jumping off the bathroom counter and hastily buttoning up her pants._

_“Laurel-” Luna tries but again Laurel cuts her off._

_“I’m fine.” Laurel says it convincingly but the tears say otherwise. She quickly picks up her shirt and throws it on. Luna looks at her regretfully for a second before she buttons her own pants and blouse up. Laurel tries to leave the bathroom but Luna gently grabs her wrist._

_“I really am sorry.” Luna attempts to make eye contact but Laurel just stares at the ground, begging her tears not to fall just yet._

_“I know you are.” Laurel croaks out and walks away. She goes to run into her room and cry when she collides with a disheveled Clarke._

///

"I'm sorry about Luna." Clarke says sincerely. Laurel deserves so much more.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. We wouldn't have worked out anyways. Luna was right. Long distance is hard." Laurel mumbles defeatedly.

"Yeah but she shouldn't have lead you on." Clarke tries.

"No she shouldn't have. But she thought we were both on the same page. I'm always talking about how I wanted us to stay friends. I think she assumed I didn't have the same feelings I once had for her. She thought this was just a hookup between old lovers. It was a huge miscommunication, but Luna would never hurt me on purpose. I know her too well. Trust me." Laurel states confidently and Clarke nods.

"So you still have feelings for Luna then?" Clarke quietly asks, not trying to upset her further. She ponders the question for a moment.

"A part of me will always care deeply for her. I'm not really sure to be honest. I thought I moved on and then last night happened. I don't really know." Laurel looks so confused and a little sad. Clarke just wants to comfort her and make her feel better.

"You don't have to know. Your feelings, whatever they may be, are valid. Do you hear me?" Clarke says genuinely and Laurel smiles and hugs her.

"Thanks for being here Clarke. You're such a good friend."

"No problem. I'll be here if you ever need me." Clarke pats her on the back and end the comforting embrace.

“For what it’s worth, I think you made the right decision.” Laurel says softly. Clarke looks at her in confusion until she realizes what she was talking about. Clarke nods in agreement, consumed in her own thoughts about last night's events.

“I was just so angry.” Clarke mumbles.

“Yeah, you mentioned being so angry last night when we were crying to each other.” Laurel chuckles and Clarke cracks a smile.

“You never said why you were so angry though.” Laurel speaks gently, leaving room for Clarke to explain if she wants to but never pressuring her to disclose anything she’s not comfortable with. 

Clarke bites her lip and looks at Laurel. Should she tell her that she has feelings for Lexa? Should she tell her she hooked up with Echo because she was angry? Angry at herself for developing feelings for Lexa. Angry at herself for believing Lexa might return those feelings. And maybe even a little irrationally angry at Lexa. She knows it's not Lexa's fault. But drunk Clarke last night was all but rational.

But at the end of the day, what good would telling Laurel all of this do? Laurel would just look at her with pity. Lexa doesn’t like her like that anyways. After seeing Lexa with Costia last night, it made Lexa’s feelings towards her perfectly clear to Clarke. Clarke is the idiot who thought she had a chance. Now she just feels stupid. Then she tried to compensate by getting with Echo. Oh god. Echo. 

“I was just being stupid.” Clarke weakly states and Laurel nods. She knows Clarke isn’t telling her something but she will when she’s ready.

“So how far did you end up going with Echo?” Laurel winks and Clarke laughs, remembering last night’s events.

///

_A few hours ago_

_“Would it be okay if I took this off?” Echo bites her lip and Clarke finds herself nodding. Echo smiles and unzips Clarke’s dress._

_“I love your body.” Echo murmurs as she kisses down Clarke’s neck, sucking hard. Clarke knows that Echo is going to give her at least one hickey with that level of suction but in the heat of the moment, she couldn’t care less._

_“Take yours off too.” Clarke pants out and Echo breaks her lips from Clarke’s overheated skin. The soccer player has a tight dress on so she needs some help getting out of it. With shaky hands, Clarke unzips her dress and slowly lifts it off the girl._

_Echo’s breasts are on full display and Clarke would be lying if she didn’t drool just a tad when she saw Echo’s matching red lace bra and panties. Echo dives in for another kiss. Her hands roaming the newly showcased skin._

_It doesn’t feel right though. Sure, it’s hot. Echo is hot. A half naked girl grinding and kissing on her is of course, hot. But Clarke is running away from something and she knows it. A part of herself desperately wants to drown in this. She wants to have sex with Echo just because she can. Maybe she’s trying to prove something. But that wouldn’t be fair to her or to Echo. Lexa very well might be having sex with Costia right now, but that doesn’t mean Clarke needs to one up her._

_Echo’s hand slips under her bra and Clarke arches her back into the touch. She moans lightly and Echo smirks. Instantly, she wishes that it was Lexa’s smirk not Echo’s. In that moment, she knows she has to stop this._

_Clarke shouldn’t be thinking about another girl when she loses her virginity. She told Laurel she doesn’t need to be in love when she has sex for the first time. And she meant it. But she does want to be fully into it. She doesn’t want her mind wandering to someone else. So no, she can’t do this. She will regret it._

_“Echo wait.” Clarke quietly says but Echo hears it immediately and pulls away respectfully._

_“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” Echo says breathlessly. This girl truly is so nice. Clarke wishes she could just be into Echo. It would make things so much easier. But life isn’t easy sometimes._

_“Actually yes. I..well I’m a virgin. I just think this is going a little too far for me.” Clarke rambles a little and Echo’s eyes widen._

_“Clarke, I had no idea. I would have slowed this down if I knew. I’m so sorry.” Echo rambles back and Clarke chuckles a little. Echo is so concerned she overstepped her boundaries but Clarke isn’t upset with her. It was both of their choices to go this far._

_“Hey, it’s fine. I didn’t do anything I haven’t done before. Besides, I was comfortable throughout the whole thing. Okay? No harm here.” Clarke calms the girl down and smiles. Echo sighs in relief._

_“Okay. Do you want to go back down to the party then?” Echo says while biting her lip._

_“Sure, but I think it’s a good idea to put some clothes on first.” Clarke teases and Echo chuckles and mumbles that Clarke is a smartass._

_The pair leaves the guest bedroom and a crying Laurel runs straight into Clarke._

_“Shit, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t looking where I..Clarke? What are you doing up here?” A sniffling Laurel rambles until she looks at the disheveled state Clarke and Echo are in. Then she gets it. “Oh.”_

_Echo and Clarke go red with embarrassment for being caught. Clarke is more concerned with Laurel in this moment though. She’s never seen the girl cry. She usually is so strong._

_“Echo, I’m gonna stay and talk to Laurel. Maybe I’ll see you later?” Clarke softly says and Echo nods in understanding._

_“Of course. I hope everything is okay.” Echo says sympathetically and makes her way downstairs._

_Laurel is shaking. Clarke envelops her in a hug and Laurel just breaks down._

_“I’m such an idiot. I - I thought .. I thought she wanted to be with m-me a-gain.” Laurel cries and hiccups into Clarke’s neck. Some guy runs past them and vomits in the bathroom nearby. Clarke winces at the smell._

_“Let’s go to your bedroom and talk okay? Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”_

_And the two girls talked for a few hours about Luna and a little about Echo. It was an important bonding moment that secured their titles as very close friends, and they will keep this title for the rest of their lives._

///

“About the same as I went with Niylah. I’m glad I didn’t have sex with her.” Clarke states and Laurel laughs a little.

“That bad huh?”

“No!” Clarke chuckles and shakes her head. “It was really hot. Like really really hot.”

“Well tell me how you really feel.” Laurel teases and both girls laugh. Clarke’s face turns red.

“It’s just it wasn’t right. I kept thinking about-” Clarke’s eyes widen and she shuts her mouth. She almost told Lexa’s sister that she kept thinking about Lexa.

“Kept thinking about who?” Laurel asks, clearly intrigued. Clarke bites her lip. How is she going to cover this one up?

“I just kept thinking about how I wasn’t ready.” Clarke says truthfully. She wasn’t ready. Partly, because she kept thinking about Lexa. But that’s going to stay Clarke’s little secret for the time being.

“Well then I’m glad you stopped it. I’m proud of you Clarke.” Laurel smiles and hugs her. Clarke thanks her for listening and Laurel does the same. 

“Alright we stink of alcohol and bad decisions. You shower first and then I’ll go.” Laurel says as she hops off the bed. Clarke chuckles and goes into the bathroom to wash away her sins from the night prior. She winces in the mirror when she sees that big hickey but there’s nothing she can do about it now. Except maybe put some concealer on it when she gets home. Octavia’s surprise birthday party was sure filled with a hell of a lot of surprises.

///

Clarke is left dumbfounded and confused as Lexa hurries out of the house. Lexa looks really upset. But why? It’s almost as if she’s upset with her. But what did Clarke do to Lexa? She doesn’t care about Clarke like _that_. She slept with Costia last night. The thought alone makes Clarke’s stomach twist in the most unpleasant of ways. 

Laurel goes after Lexa but the younger girl is already on her bike and driving away. Clarke decides to put her attention towards Octavia.

“Jesus Christ O, what the hell?!” Clarke half yells at Octavia. At least the girl has some sense to look sorry.

“I’m really sorry Clarke. I have such a big mouth sometimes. I’m so hungover, I wasn’t thinking straight.” Octavia pleads and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Whatever. I don’t care that people know I’m a virgin. It’s not like I’m ashamed. Stop jumping to conclusions though. Me and Laurel absolutely didn’t sleep together. Does everyone think that we did?” Clarke suddenly sounds a little worried by the end of the sentence. She doesn’t want Lexa to think she slept with her sister. Not that it matters, Lexa doesn’t want her anyways. But still, if Lexa thinks Laurel and Clarke are a thing, there will be no chance for her and Lexa. And that bothers her more than anything else.

“I mean you did sleep in the same bed last night.” Lincoln supplies helpfully.

“And you both have hickeys. It wasn’t that far of a jump Clarkey.” Octavia guiltily says. Clarke’s eyes widen. She gets it. It totally seems like they hooked up. So now Lexa thinks she slept with Laurel. But that still doesn’t explain why she’s upset. The only logical reason Clarke can think of is that Lexa has feelings for her too. Clarke shakes her head. That’s just wishful thinking on her part. 

“I just...I don’t understand what the fuck is going on. Why did Lexa leave like that? And where is she going?”

“I have no clue. But I’m going to go look for her.” Laurel says breathlessly as she goes to grab her keys. “Any of you coming?” She turns back and asks. Clarke immediately volunteers.

“I’m coming.”

///

Lexa is furious while she rides her bike down the roads. Her blood is pumping and her heartbeat is pounding in her ears. She can barely see straight. She knows she has no right to feel this way. Clarke isn’t hers. She isn’t Clarkes. Clarke has no idea how she feels. She’s allowed to do as she pleases. But the fact that Clarke hooked up with her sister...well that stings the most out of all of this.

Lexa gets to her destination and jumps off her bike, carelessly ripping her helmet off. She walks up the stairs of the house and pounds on the door. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing here. She didn’t have anywhere else to go though and this was the first place she could think of. The door opens and the person on the other side is clearly surprised to see her.

“Lexa?”

“Hi Costia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These kids are confused and all over the place. They jump to conclusions and still have a lot of growing up to do. Eventually, they'll get there. But right now, they are making mistakes and learning from them. It'll be a journey for all of them. Nobody is perfect in this fic. Nobody is better than the other. Everyone is the same. They all make mistakes and they all are trying their best.
> 
> I'm shocked at how long the comments are in the comment section and although I don't have the time to comment on them, just know I'm reading every single one of them. Don't be afraid to voice your opinion even if it's different than the masses. I appreciate everyone's opinion. 
> 
> ~Enjoy the story my lovelies~


	10. Costia the Comforter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very jealous sad Lexa visits Costia. What will happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

“Lexa?”

“Hi Costia.” Lexa says with a smirk on her face. “Can I come in?”

Costia stands there frozen and obviously shocked. She assumed Lexa would be basking in the arms of Clarke all morning, not standing at her doorstep looking like a vein in her head is gonna pop from anger.

“Yeah sure.” Costia opens the door wide and Lexa walks in surveying the house. “Lex, what are you doing here?”

“House looks the same. Where’s your Mom and Dad?” Lexa ignores the question and Costia rolls her eyes. Typical Lexa.

“They’re on vacation for their anniversary.” Costia says hesitantly, her eyes narrow at Lexa. Lexa nods and walks into their TV room. Costia follows curiously.

“Lexa, what’s wrong?” Costia asks, sitting on the couch. She pats the spot next to her and Lexa sits down.

“You were wrong..about Clarke. She could never love me.” Lexa’s tries to sound casual, attempting to keep her asshole facade in check. Costia, however, doesn't buy it. She is looking at her with such sympathy and Lexa hates it. Lexa would rather be seen as a douche then weak.

“Lex..that can’t be right. I saw the way she looked at you too. The feeling was mutual I’m sure of it.” Costia grabs Lexa’s hands and rubs circles in one of her palms. Lexa bitterly laughs and Costia looks at her confused as to why she is laughing.

“Clarke and Laurel slept together okay!” Lexa snaps, but her voice gets much more vulnerable and quiet. “Look I don’t want to talk about this. That’s not why I came here.” Lexa’s eyes darken, lust evident in her eyes.

Lexa leans in and kisses Costia hard. Costia is taken surprise by the kiss and for a moment she kisses back. She can’t help it. She really does care for Lexa. Lexa smirks into the kiss and lays Costia on her back. Lexa gets on top of Costia and the other girl finally comes back to her senses. This won’t help anyone. Costia gently pushes on her chest and Lexa breaks the kiss immediately.

“Do you not want me?” Lexa’s voice sounds so vulnerable that Costia can’t help but hear the unspoken ‘too’ left out of the question.

“This isn’t going to make you feel better Lex.” Costia says with a sad smile on her face. Lexa Woods is so beautiful, even when she’s heartbroken like she is now.

“Then what will?” Lexa croaks out. Her heart has been pounding like crazy since last night when she heard Clarke was sleeping in Laurel’s bed. Her body is betraying her, specifically her heart. 17 years of her heart subscribing to the mantra of ‘Love is weakness’ and one blonde with the kindest blue eyes unravels all of Lexa’s hard work to build impenetrable walls around her heart.

“I - I don’t know what to do. I want to scream. I want to..I just want to disappear into something, anything. I want to get rid of this feeling.” Lexa speaks quietly, refusing to look at Costia. Costia grabs her hands again and soothes her.

“I know you think you’ve come up with a foolproof way to protect your heart, but Lexa, you’re only hurting yourself more. Meaningless sex is just creating a bigger void, babe. You have to stop running away and ignoring your feelings. One day you will have nowhere to run and you’ll have to face all the feelings that have piled up since you were a kid.” Costia talks softly, careful not to spook Lexa. Lexa is listening to her but refuses to say a word. She is literally shaking.

Truthfully, she’s surprised Lexa didn’t storm out of her to find someone else to have sex with. The old Lexa would have. Deep down, Costia thinks Lexa came here to talk about her feelings and the whole sex thing was a guise. Lexa can’t be seen as weak and to her, that means never talking about how she feels. The fact that Lexa is talking about these things to someone other than Laurel is a massive step.

“Tell me about Clarke. Everything, from the beginning.” Costia says and Lexa looks up for the first time.

“I can’t.” She shakily says.

“Yes you can.” Costia cups her cheeks. “Tell me Lexa. Please, take the first step in the right direction. I believe in you.”

Lexa sighs deeply and stands up pacing. She looks flustered and frustrated but Costia just patiently sits and waits for her to talk. She knows talking about emotions doesn’t come easy for the basketball star.

“It’s like everything before her wasn’t real. It was all just practice.” Lexa says and Costia’s winces at the word choice. Lexa eyes widen when she realizes her mistake. “Fuck. Costia, I didn’t mean that you were practice. Fuck, I’m sorry. I never say the right shit. I should just go.” Lexa rambles and starts to walk out the door.

“Lexa Woods, you get your perfectly sculpted ass back in this room.” Costia speaks with such authority. Lexa stops walking, rooted in her place. Costia realizes she isn’t going to walk back so she gets up and leads her back to the couch.

“Say whatever you feel. Don’t hold back because you think you’re going to hurt my feelings. Just speak true.” Costia softly says, tucking a strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear.

Lexa nods and takes a moment to collect her thoughts again. “From the first moment I saw Clarke, I knew she was different. She spoke to me and I felt my heart restart. It was terrifying so I was an especially shitty person to her. I knew that eventually she would see what everyone else sees so I just sped up the process. I didn’t even know what I was feeling, but when I figured it out I tried so hard to deny it. Soon enough though, I grew tired of being an asshole with her. I never have a problem pretending..but with Clarke, it was too much. I started to let her in without even realizing it, telling her things I never talk about. It felt like the most natural thing in the world but I still fought it with every ounce of strength I have. I feel safe around her and yet I’m also so terrified. And then last night, we kissed. I couldn’t take it. I had her but I really didn’t. I know she will never love me, Cos. I know she won’t. Then I found out she slept with my sister and it only proved me right. Only this time, I really _really_ wanted to be wrong.”

Lexa feels the tears falling and she quickly wipes them away, cursing herself. She jumps up fast and Costia follows her lead.

“I shouldn’t have said all that.” Lexa tries to backtrack but Costia won’t let her.

“Hey Woods. You spoke now it’s only fair you allow me the same courtesy. Okay? You can leave after if you really want to.” Costia speaks firm, holding Lexa’s sad puppy dog face in her hands. Lexa nods and Costia begins speaking.

“You deserve to be loved. Maybe the person will be Clarke, maybe it isn’t. This is a huge step though Lexa. You were a girl who never let anyone near your heart. When we were together, you never stayed the night. We didn’t talk about feelings. It was strictly sex. And now, within a few months of knowing this girl, you are articulating what you feel. You’re trying and that’s all anyone can ask for. Keep trying Lexa. Not for Clarke. But for yourself. Maybe Clarke came into your life for this very moment. To be fair though, you can’t expect Clarke to know the true extent of your feelings. You ran away from that kiss and started dancing with me.” Costia speaks softly and Lexa hangs on every word. The last sentence makes Lexa look guilty like she’s about to speak up.

“I know that’s how you deal with things. You run away. But Clarke can’t possibly assume you have feelings for her when you hide them from everyone...including yourself. Now if what you say is true and Clarke and Laurel slept together, well then blondie is missing out on a wonderful smartass with legs to die for and a heart so fucking big.” Costia playfully winks at the last sentence and Lexa releases a watery laugh as she’s still holding the tears at bay.

Costia hugs Lexa and the younger girl mumbles a quiet oh so vulnerable ‘thank you Cos.’ Costia kisses her wet cheek and Lexa makes her way to the door, emotionally drained from the events that have transpired in the past 24 hours. 

“For what it’s worth, I thought Clarke really was into you too. How did you find out they slept together?” Costia asks curiously while standing on the porch. Lexa winces, not wanting to remember this.

“Clarke slept in her bed last night.” Lexa mumbles defeatedly.

“Naked?” Costia asks, a little confused.

“What?” Lexa frowns in confusion.

“I mean, did you walk in on them or something? Were they naked? Lex, please don’t tell me you just assumed this because they slept in the same bed. Friends can crash in the same bed without sex being involved.” Costia looks at Lexa incredulously and Lexa shakes her head, too stubborn to believe otherwise.

“No, I didn’t see. But they both had hickeys this morning! Octavia even asked.” Lexa weakly defends.

“Oh I see. And did Clarke say that they did?"

"No..I - I ran out of the house before I could hear what she said." Lexa rubs her neck and doesn't look Costia in the eye. Costia just sighs. 

The evidence is pretty overwhelming _except_ she was observing Clarke all night. At first, she assumed Clarke was Lexa's current hookup buddy. Clarke kept throwing Lexa massive hearteyes the whole night. Costia felt bad for her actually because she knows that Lexa wasn't going to commit. But then she saw Lexa doing the same thing. Then that kiss happened and well, she knew. Costia likes to believe she can read people pretty damn well. And she read Clarke Griffin like an open book. There's no way she didn't feel something for Lexa. Costia is sure of it.

"Lex it’s still not verified. It’s a party. People hook up with people. Sure, they could have slept together but they might not have! You're the dummy who ran off before you could find out the truth."

"They slept together! End of discussion." Lexa snaps and Costia shakes her head.

"Let me ask you something, why are you so hellbent on believing they slept together?” Costia asks and Lexa furrows her eyebrows.

“Because...because they just did okay!” Lexa huffs, obviously frustrated she can’t specify her thoughts. This is why she doesn’t like talking about this kind of stuff. She’s never been good at it. She never learned how.

“Maybe they did. I’m not trying to give you false hope here. But maybe they _didn’t_. Lexa, you have to start communicating better or else nobody will know what you’re thinking or feeling. People can only go on what people say and their actions. Your actions very rarely reflect how you feel... so how can you expect anyone to know what you want? I say you find out _for real_ what happened between Clarke and Laurel. If they slept together, don’t run off on me and hit rock bottom. You need to learn how to deal with your shit better or your whole life will be a mess. Be better for yourself. _But_ if I am right and Clarke and Laurel _didn’t_ sleep together, you fight for her. Do you hear me? You are worthy of love. Don’t fuck this up. I believe in you. You have me in your corner, always. I’m just a phone call or text away.”

“Thanks Cos.” Lexa hugs Costia and walks to her bike. She’s about to put her helmet on when Costia screams out to her.

“Promise me you’ll try to not go out and be stupid?” Costia yells out and Lexa chuckles.

“I promise.” Lexa chuckles but she really does mean it. She’s tired of living this way. If Clarke is with Laurel, it will break her heart. Clarke will forever be the one that got away. But if by some miracle, it’s all been a huge miscommunication..well then Lexa Woods will fight for Clarke Griffin. That’s her promise to herself. Only time will tell if she makes good on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is making big strides, be proud of our girl! Let's see if it sticks though. Sorry for the short chapter, work is crazy busy. I hope I can keep up with the quick updates.
> 
> Enjoy!


	11. Clearing the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa learns about what really happened the night of Octavia's party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

Lexa drives straight home. She needs to clear the air. She needs to know for sure whether or not she has no chance with Clarke. Lexa walks through the door and Octavia and Lincoln are sitting watching a movie in the front room. No sign of Clarke or Laurel. Her throat tightens a tad when she comes to that realization.

“Lex! Thank god you’re back. We were worried sick.” Lincoln sighs with relief.

“Where’s Clarke and Laurel?” Lexa asks nervously. She really hates all this feeling shit. Lincoln looks at her knowingly and so does Octavia. She guesses that Lincoln probably told Octavia after her little outburst.

“They went looking for you.” Octavia supplies and Lexa’s eyes widen. She never thought Clarke cared enough to go looking for her. She never thought anyone but Laurel would do that. But Clarke is _with_ Laurel. Maybe she’s just trying to be a supportive girlfriend and help find her girlfriend’s troubled sister. Yeah, that’s probably it. Costia told her not to jump to conclusions so quickly though. So she’s going to try to be better, for herself and for Clarke.

“Do you know where they went?” Lexa asks.

“No. I would call them but they ran out of the house so fast that they didn’t grab their phones.” Lincoln said regretfully, hating the way Lexa’s face fell.

“After you ran out, Clarke told us that her and Laurel didn’t sleep together.” Octavia says, trying to cheer up Lexa. Lexa looks at her plainly, attempting to cover up for immense relief.

“Really?” Lexa says, a little dazed.

“Yeah. They -” Octavia is cut off by the door opening, revealing Laurel and Clarke.

Clarke is still in Laurel’s clothes and it drives Lexa up a wall. Just because they didn’t have sex doesn’t mean they didn’t hook up.

“Lexa, you’re back.” Clarke breathes out and her eyes are dancing with relief and something else Lexa can’t quite figure out.

“Yeah I had to take a ride, clear my head.” Lexa sheepishly smiles. Laurel looks at her worriedly.

“Lexa, you can’t just run off like that. I was so worried.” Laurel reprimands her and Lexa scoffs.

“I just needed to clear my head okay?” Lexa says again, only this time with a little more attitude. Clarke, Octavia, and Lincoln look at each other and realize that this is a sisterly moment.

“I think it’s time we leave. Thank you guys for throwing the party. We love you.” Octavia hugs them both and so does Lincoln. Clarke follows and hugs Laurel, leaving Lexa fuming. Clarke awkwardly stares at Lexa for a second before relenting and opening her arms. She hugs Lexa and the basketball player breathes in her scent and closes her eyes. Laurel looks at the two girls who so obviously like eachother and shakes her head. How did she not see this sooner? It's so obvious.

“If you ever need to talk about anything, I’ll be here for you.” Clarke whispers in Lexa’s ear and the basketball player shudders at the blonde's kind words. They all leave and Lexa and Laurel are left alone.

“Lexa, nothing happened between Clarke and I.” Laurel states softly once the door closes behind their friends. Lexa looks at her with a frown and shakes her head.

“I don’t care what you do with Clarke.” Lexa snaps and Laurel sighs.

“Yes you do. You’ve never once lied to me. Why are you starting now?” Laurel probes gently. She knows Lexa hates discussing her feelings. Their parents really did a number on her.

Lexa deeply exhales and starts pacing again, clearly a nervous habit of hers. Lexa grows frustrated that she can’t convey her emotions ever.

“Because I…” Lexa snaps and then deflates quickly. “I..just ugh..why is this so hard?" Lexa pauses again and Laurel patiently waits for her sister to continue. "Clarke would never want me when she could have you.” Lexa quietly says and sits on the floor.

“Oh Lexa no.” Laurel sits next to her and wipes away the one tear Lexa allows to fall. Laurel opens her arms and Lexa falls into the hug.

“Don’t you ever listen to the bullshit Mom drilled in your head as a kid. You’re amazing Lex. Stop thinking I’m better than you. It couldn’t be farther from the truth.” Laurel murmurs into Lexa’s hair as she hugs her closer. Lexa stays silent but she nods.

“I’m telling you Clarke and I are just friends. You do trust me right?” Laurel pulls Lexa’s chin up so she’s looking at her.

“I trust you Laurel. But you two both had hickeys on your neck and I..you two are always together.” Lexa mumbles. She just feels stupid now. Laurel keeps telling Lexa that her and Clarke aren’t a thing and she trusts her sister’s word. But then who gave Clarke the hickey? Her stomach twists at the thought of anyone kissing her Clarke. Did she just say _her_? Lexa shakes her head from the thought.

“Luna was at the party last night.” Laurel says quietly and Lexa looks up at her with wide eyes.

And..are you two back together?” Lexa asks hopefully. Luna always made Laurel happy. Laurel was so in love with her.

“No.” Laurel mumbles and Lexa can tell she clearly feels uncomfortable. “We had sex. I thought she…” Laurel shakes her head. “Well it doesn’t matter what I thought, she’s not interested in doing long distance.”

“I’m so sorry. She’s a massive bitch. She doesn’t deserve you.” Lexa firmly states and Laurel laughs lightly.

“She’s not a ‘massive bitch,’ Lex. She just doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that’s ok. We never really ended things. There was no finality in it. But now there is. I’m okay. I really am.” Laurel softly smiles but her eyes are a little sad.

“Laurel...you know it's okay to be upset. You're allowed.” Lexa says gently and Laurel nods.

“I know, I know. And I really am okay now. But last night I was a bit of a wreck. And that’s when I ran into Clarke.” Laurel says delicately, trying to gauge Lexa’s reaction to the mention of the blonde. Lexa tenses up.

“She was pretty upset last night too. She wouldn’t tell me about what though. Something got her angry.” Laurel looks at her sister wondering if she’s what got Clarke so worked up.

“S-she was angry?” Lexa asks cautiously. Could she be mad at Lexa for running away from their explosive kiss? Did she see her with Costia? No. Clarke wouldn’t be angry about that because that would mean Clarke has feelings for her too. And that’s just impossible.

“Yeah she was. Look Lex, you should have seen how worried she was when you ran off today. She really cares about you. Don’t shut her out.” Laurel smiles at Lexa and Lexa looks down at her feet insecurely.

“She deserves better than me.” Lexa mumbles defeatedly, while nervously playing with her hands.

“Please stop with that. If only you saw yourself how I see you, how Clarke sees you.”

“How do you know how Clarke sees me?” Lexa asks suspiciously.

“Last night I started piecing it together. All your longing stares. How you get especially snappy whenever Clarke came over. You brought that girl Mercedes over every day and that’s excessive ever for you. You were trying to cope the only way you know how. And then last night, Clarke was drunk and she let it slip that she saw you and Costia kissing. She said it with such venom. She passed out right after that. Then this morning you ran off after Octavia suggested that we slept together. Clarke was so upset, I could tell. The way both of your eyes lit up when you saw each other told me all I needed to know. I feel like an oblivious idiot for not realizing it sooner. It's rather obvious.” Laurel took a big breath after explaining her theory to Lexa. Laurel’s disappointed she didn’t see it sooner. I mean, admittedly, there was a few days where she thought her and Clarke could have something. But that past as soon as she realized Clarke and her were better off as friends.

“You really think she was mad about Costia? I didn't even know she saw us.” Lexa asks, clearly taken aback at the theory.

“There’s a strong possibility, yeah. You should talk to her.” Laurel lightly tries to encourage her sister but Lexa shakes her head almost immediately.

“No. What about that hickey on her neck? That didn’t just magically appear.” Lexa sasses and Laurel sighs.

“No it didn’t.” Laurel hesitantly says, not wanting to reveal Clarke’s business. “Look, I didn’t say Clarke didn’t hook up with someone last night. It just wasn’t me.” Laurel watches as Lexa’s face falls.

“Who?” Lexa asks just above a whisper. Her heart is pounding in her ears.

“I..Lex, you’re gonna have to ask Clarke. But what I can tell you is that she said it was a mistake. She said she was doing it for the wrong reasons.”

“What reasons?” Lexa asks quietly.

“She said she was angry and she wasn’t thinking straight. She doesn’t regret it but she doubts it’ll happen again. There were no feelings there on either side apparently.” Laurel tries to comfort her sister but this is tricky territory. One wrong word and Lexa might go off the deep end. Lexa has never had genuine feelings for someone. She has to treat this Clarke and Lexa situation with a lot of care. If it all works out though, Laurel believes Clarke will be great for Lexa. Laurel just knows she’s going to have to get involved in this one.

“Did she have sex with this mystery person? Oh god, tell me it wasn’t Finn.” Lexa asks and shakes her head at the thought of that self entitled jerk touching her precious Clarke. Damnit, she’s gotta stop calling Clarke _hers_.

“No she didn’t. And no it wasn’t Finn. I’m telling you, you still have a chance. Fight for her.” Laurel says sweetly and Lexa nods.

“Maybe I will.” Lexa calmly says but inside she's freaking out. Costia was right. It’s time she starts working on herself for herself. And it wouldn’t be so bad if she would let a certain blonde in along the way. Oh if it were only that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter all that much but it's important for the rest of the story. Lexa finally knows Clarke and Laurel did not hook up. And now Laurel is a huge team Clexa supporter so let's see where that goes. 
> 
> Lexa is finally talking some more and gaining a lil confidence to pursue something with Clarke. It won't be all smooth sailing, I can promise that. But as of right now, there's a small pause in the angst. The only one who is in the dark about Lexa's feelings now is Clarke. Will Lexa tell her? Will Clarke reject her? Will Lexa hold it in and pine some more? What do y'all think?
> 
> Let me know what you think and where you think I'll take this. Hope you enjoy the small little chapter, sorry it's not longer! I'll try to make the next one longer.


	12. Best Tacos in the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa watches Clarke's soccer practice. Afterwards, they talk a bit and Lexa finally starts opening up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!

Sunday comes and Lexa goes to her basketball practice. It’s nice to just play the sport and not have to think about anything. The practice is over much too soon. Lexa showers in the locker room and goes to leave the school when she walks by the soccer field and sees none other than Clarke Griffin. Lexa smiles as she watches some girl kick the soccer ball to Clarke. Clarke flies down the field, weaving in and out of enemy players, and fiercely shoots the ball past the goalie. Lexa chuckles at the look of pure shock and excitement on her face. She decides she’ll stay awhile and watch the practice. She needs to take the first step.

Clarke is drained from the practice. She’s been here for hours, not that she’s complaining. She got the text about about who got on the team and this is the new kids ‘hell practice.’ They ran miles and miles at Ontari’s behest and Echo’s annoyance. Clarke was worried that things would be awkward between her and Echo, but they’re not. Echo hasn’t even mentioned their hookup. It seems as if they’re on the same page to leave the hookup at the party.

Practice ends and for the first time since it started, Clarke looks away from the field and up towards the bleachers. That’s when she sees Lexa softly smiling at her. Clarke gulps. Was Lexa watching her? Did she stay to see _her_? Clarke gets giddy at thought. The blonde goes to grabs her stuff and she sees Lexa walking down to the field. Right when Lexa’s feet hit the grass, some girl scurries over to her flirting and flouncing. Clarke’s heart drops. Of course Lexa was just waiting for some girl. Clarke inwardly curses herself for thinking Lexa stayed to see her. 

_She didn’t even want to kiss you at the party. She ran away and started making out with Costia. She doesn’t want you!_ Clarke reminds herself and shakes her head.

Lexa tries to get rid of Becca. Her and Becca had a brief thing last summer. It wasn’t serious and Becca knew that. Becca doesn’t seem to be looking for anything but a good fuck right now too.

“Lexa Woods, long time no see.” Becca seductively says as her eyes rake the basketball player’s body, stopping briefly at her shorts.

“Yeah and it’s going to stay that way Becca. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Lexa tries to move past her but this girl just won’t give up. When she finally gets rid of the girl, Clarke is talking to one of her fellow teammates. Echo, she thinks. Echo is pretty popular. She’s a senior. She dated this girl Destiny for years before she went to college last year. Apparently, Destiny cheated on her with Costia. That’s the girl Costia slept with when Lexa and Costia first started their thing. In Costia’s defense, she thought Echo and Destiny were broken up. But they weren’t of course and Destiny was just a cheater. Lexa always felt bad for Echo. Correction : She _used to_ to feel bad for Echo. But now Echo is flirting with her Clarke.

“So listen Clarke, I know what happened between us was just a casual drunken hookup, but I wouldn’t mind a repeat.” Echo winks and walks off the field before Clarke can get a word in edgewise. Clarke just stands there for a second, shocked. She grabs her stuff and turns around to see Lexa staring at her and she looks angry.

Lexa gulps and shakes her head. So Echo is the one Clarke hooked up with on Friday. She’s the one who gave her that massive hickey. And now they play on the soccer team together. They are going to spend hours together every week, every day after school at their practices and games. It makes Lexa sick to her stomach. 

The soccer girls always have these parties at Echo’s house whenever they win..and they usually win. Echo is going to have so many more opportunities to hit on Clarke and Lexa won’t be there. Basketball players aren’t invited to those parties unless they go as someone’s date. Lexa doubts Clarke will ask her to go as her date. And even if Echo doesn’t hit on Clarke, somebody surely will. Those parties have lots of soccer players, boys and girls, from the local college there too. And Clarke is gorgeous and kind and funny. She’s irresistable. Lexa really needs to step up her game if she wants any chance with her.

Lexa wants to run away. She wants to self destruct. She just found out that Echo is Clarke’s mystery hook up. But then she remembers that Laurel said Clarke regrets it and she was doing it for the wrong reasons. So maybe Lexa still has a chance? But she won’t have a chance if she runs away again, so Lexa stays put. Clarke turns around quickly and Lexa doesn’t have a chance to school her jealousy so obviously on her face.

“Hey Lex.” Clarke says with surprise and confusion. “I thought you were here for Becca?”

“No, I’m here for you.” Lexa says nervously and then widens her eyes, realizing what she just said. “I - I mean not for you..but like I saw you playing and you were doing really well and I just couldn’t look away. And I thought maybe you’d want to get some lunch afterwards?..with me?” Lexa rambles and her cheeks turn pink with embarrassment. 

Clarke chuckles and bites her lip. Lexa is secretly such a lovable little dork. Clarke loves that she gets to see this side of Lexa. Lexa is so sweet to her. She’s so different around here than she is with everyone else. She doesn’t understand the basketball player though. One second, they have deep conversation. The next, they kiss (albeit, it was a dare but still). The next, Lexa runs off and presumably sleeps with Costia. Clarke is a little ball of confusion. If only she knew what everyone else knew. Sigh.

“Yeah. I’d really love that.” Clarke smiles warmly and it melts Lexa’s walls around her heart a little further. “Let me shower quick and I’ll meet you in the parking lot in a few?” Clarke says and Lexa nods furiously, trying desperately not to think about Clarke naked and wet in the shower. 

Clarke meets Lexa outside and they hop in Laurel’s car. She really needs her bike fixed. Clarke says she’s craving Mexican so Lexa decides to take her to this great little taco truck two towns down. It’s a bit of a drive but she swears it’s the best tacos she will ever have.

“I mean I did live in Los Angeles, Lex. They have some banging tacos.” Clarke teases and Lexa just huffs.

“Have some faith in me here, Clarke.” Lexa jokes and Clarke bites her lip.

“I do.” She mumbles and suddenly it feels like they aren’t talking about taste in Mexican food anymore. Lexa’s heart is beating fast. Maybe she should bring up her feelings? No, not yet. She should say something though, to show she’s genuinely interested.

“I’m sorry about Friday.” Lexa mumbles, gripping the steering wheel tighter. Maybe she shouldn’t have done this while driving considering she always gets so flustered when she talks about her feelings, especially when those feelings involve Clarke.

“Why? You have no reason to apologize to me.” Clarke doesn’t know where Lexa is going with this. Lexa is allowed to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Did it hurt her to see her run off and grind with Costia? Of course it did. But that’s not Lexa’s fault. If anything, Clarke thinks it’s her fault for falling for Lexa.

“Eh I sorta do. We..um we kissed. I don’t know if you remember that.” Lexa rambles adorably when she’s nervous. Clarke chuckles a little.

“Yes. I remember. How could I forget kissing you?” Clarke sweetly blurts out and her face turns red. Lexa tenses up at the flirty yet sincerely heartwarming words. She looks over at Clarke to scan her face and they lock eyes. The connection is deep and it hits both of them in the chest. Lexa forgets for a moment that she’s driving.

“Lexa, stop sign!” Clarke shouts out and Lexa stops just in time. A car whizzes by a second later and they both breathe out a sigh of relief that Lexa was able to stop in time or else there surely would have been an accident.

“I’m sorry about that.” Lexa embarrassingly says and Clarke just laughs.

“Now that you’re allowed to be sorry about.” Clarke teases and Lexa softly smiles. Her heart is going a thousand miles a minute and it’s not because of the near death experience. It’s because of Clarke Griffin.

///

They get to the taco truck and order. Clarke gets beef tacos with the crunchy shell and Lexa gets chicken tacos with the soft shell. They sit down and munch on their food. Clarke lets out a sinful moan when the overload of flavors hit her tongue. Lexa can’t help how her dick twitches a little in excitement. Lexa clears her throat and tries to think of anything other than a moaning Clarke Griffin.

“So Lex, can I ask you something?” Clarke says, her eyes watching Lexa’s face.

“Of course. You can ask me anything you want.” Lexa smiles, encouraging Clarke to continue.

“Why did you apologize earlier? Our conversation got cut off by your horrible driving.” Clarke teases and Lexa pouts.

“I’m not a horrible driver.” Lexa mumbles. “You try driving when you have Clarke Griffin sitting next to you. It’s pretty damn difficult to stay focused.” Lexa rambles and her eyes widen yet again when she realizes what she said. Clarke’s eyes widen too.

“Why would it be difficult?” Clarke shakily says, desperate to know the answer.

“You make me nervous...b-but in a good way.” Lexa focuses on her tacos. Her palms are all sweaty. She’s not used to being this honest but she’s trying. She’s trying because that’s the only way her and Clarke stand a chance. “And um I apologized because I ran off when we kissed and that...it wasn’t fair to you.” Lexa mumbles and looks up into Clarke’s eyes. 

Clarke was softly smiling when she heard that she makes Lexa nervous. The basketball player is showing a side of her that Clarke thinks not many get to see. But then she mentioned the kiss and how she ran away and Clarke remembered Costia. Her eyes turn a little sad and Lexa takes notice of it. She takes notice of everything Clarke does.

“It’s okay Lexa. You wanted Costia. I understand. You two have history. It makes sense.” Clarke tries not to sound sad and she succeeds but she can’t control her eyes. Her eyes show everything and Lexa can see it.

“Me and Costia used to have something, yes. But it was just um..” Lexa pauses, suddenly feeling shy about her sex life. She’s never shy about that, but with Clarke she is for some reason. “...just sex.” Lexa finishes the sentence and Clarke nods.

“Yeah exactly. You and her probably had lots of fun Friday night. Don’t worry about me, I was fine.” Clarke doesn’t know why she said that. She was fine? Really? She most certainly wasn’t fine. She was irrationally jealous and angry and she hooked up with Echo because of it. But she doesn’t want Lexa to think she’s pining after her. Lexa hooks up with people and that’s the end of it. Clarke can’t fall for her. It’ll break her.

Lexa grits her teeth. Does Clarke really think she slept with Costia? Well, of course. Lexa totally would have slept with Costia if it wasn’t for that kiss with Clarke. Clarke is everything. If only Clarke could see that.

“I didn’t sleep with Costia.” Lexa says quietly and Clarke’s head shoots up.

“But..wait really? I saw you two dancing and kissing.” Clarke says confused but hopeful.

“Yeah that happened.” Lexa nervously chuckles. “I just...I didn’t want to. I don’t want to do that anymore.” Lexa firmly says and Clarke looks at her confused.

“You don’t want to have sex anymore?” Clarke asks softly but a little incredulously.

“N-no!” Lexa stutters out. “I mean I like sex. Sex is really nice.” Lexa’s cheeks are red. She is so _not_ doing this right. “But like..I want to have sex because I want to, because I’m - I don’t know - um turned on? Not because I’m trying to fill some kind of void.” Lexa says the last part quietly and insecurely. Clarke is silent for what feels like forever to Lexa but is really only a few seconds. Lexa is about to retreat into herself when she feels Clarke’s warm hand on top of hers. Lexa looks up into Clarke’s eyes and all she sees is affection and understanding.

“I know how hard that was for you to say. Thank you for trusting me.” Clarke smiles bright and squeezes her hand. “I’m proud of you Lex.” Lexa is proud of herself too. 

It’s a start. It’s not that big of a leap, but it’s definitely a small step towards Lexa winning not only Clarke’s love but her trust too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww look at how sweet and adorkable Lexa is around Clarke. They are getting to a good place in their friendship. But of course it won't stay fluffy and perfect forever. For now though, enjoy their cuteness.
> 
> Sorry the chapter is so short, I'm trying to update another one of my fics today too and I don't have the time to write two lengthy chapters.
> 
> What do y'all think is gonna happen to cause the angst ahead? Let me know in the comments, I love to hear your guesses and opinions.


	13. Pretzels and Strawberry Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke offers support to Lexa in a time of great tragedy. Lexa learns of a life changing secret.
> 
> Trigger: Some not nice name calling and minor character death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

The next two weeks are important for Clarke and Lexa. Lexa stops sleeping around. It’s not easy but it’s easier with Clarke around. Everyday after practice, Lexa gives her a ride home. It’s become their little tradition. Lexa cherishes the time they have together, even if it’s short lived.

Sometimes Lexa stays for dinner. She gets to know Jake better and she realizes that some people actually do have nice parents..it’s not just made up in Disney movies. She starts to love spending dinners and nights at the Griffin's’ house. Clarke brightens her day and even if it’s just as friends right now, it’s enough.

It’s a Saturday afternoon and Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy who had no shift at the station were all hanging out in the Woods’ house. They were watching cheesy 80’s romcoms at Clarke and Octavia pestering. Lexa is usually the first one to say no to romantic movies but Clarke mentioned how she loves cuddling up and watching these movies and Lexa couldn’t say no. Midway through the first movie, Clarke inches closer to Lexa. Lexa’s palms get all sweaty. 

Clarke leans her head on Lexa’s shoulder and Lexa’s heart starts beating really fast. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist and the basketball player sucks in a breath. Octavia hits Laurel in the ribs particularly hard and the older Woods’ shoots her a confused look until she follows Octavia’s eyes over to the other couch. She smiles wide. It seems she doesn’t have to intervene at all. Clarke and Lexa are slowly but surely on their way to confessing their feelings for one another. First things first, it seems some cute cuddling is in order. Lexa relaxes into the embrace and puts on of her hand’s in Clarke’s hair and massages lightly. Clarke sighs out and Lexa smiles bright. Inside, she’s giving herself a nerdy fistbump for doing something right.

“This is my favorite part.” Clarke mumbles about the movie and Lexa is still in a daze thanks to a certain blonde cuddlemonster currently attached to her hip.

“I love it too.” Lexa so is not talking about the movie.

///

When the end credits for the second movie are rolling, Laurel gets a phone call. Lexa eyes her and Laurel excuses herself to go talk in the other room. Lexa knows that it’s their mother. Lexa has yet to receive a phone call from either of her parents on any of their travels. They call Laurel and that’s it. Laurel refused to answer for awhile but they said if she didn’t pick up, they would fly back. Honestly, it’s kind of worse when they are here. 

Lexa hears a loud crash and a sob in the kitchen and the whole gang is startled. Lexa gets up and rushes to her sister to check if she’s alright, a great sense of dread suddenly coming over her. The rest of the group follows to find Laurel on the floor, crying. Lexa immediately pulls her into an embrace.

“Dad died last night...It was a heart attack.” Laurel cries into Lexa’s shoulder and Lexa hugs her tight. It hits her right in the chest. Just because her parents were negligent doesn’t mean that her father’s death wouldn’t affect her. Her mother is just plain cruel to her. But she had some decent times with her Dad when her Mom wasn’t around.

_10 Years Ago_

_Laurel is at her ballet class and their mother Beatrice is away at some spa retreat for the weekend so it’s just Lexa and her dad Charles. Charles is working in her study and Lexa is upstairs playing with her toys. Lexa’s stomach grumbles and she goes downstairs to ask her Daddy for dinner. She lightly knocks on his door and she hears a gruff ‘Come in.’_

_Little Lexa with her hair in braids peaks her head in the room. Her daddy never lets her come in his study when her mommy is around. She’s kind of scared of her mommy. She doesn’t really like her and it makes her sad when she thinks about how mean she is to her._

_“What is it pumpkin?” Charles says softly as he types away on his computer. Lexa has started to notice that Charles is nice to her when her mommy isn’t around. When Beatrice is around, he just ignores Lexa’s presence. It’s not right, but it’s not as bad as Beatrice._

_“My tummy is hungry.” Lexa asks, her smile missing a front tooth._

_“Oh yeah? How about we grab a snack? When you’re sister is finished with ballet, I’ll order us a pizza.” Charles smiles and Lexa’s smiles gets wider. Her mom never lets her get pizza. Beatrice says that pizza is below them. But Lexa thinks that’s silly. Who is below pizza?_

 _Charles takes his little girl’s hand and takes her to the kitchen._

_“What do you want?” Charles puts Lexa on the counter, her little feet kicking and barely hanging off the counter._

_“Salty.” Lexa says but then frowns after Charles puts pretzels in front of her. “No, sweet.” Charles chuckles and shakes his head in amusement at his daughter's indecisiveness. He puts down strawberry ice cream in front of her. Lexa looks deep in thought._

_“Can’t choose huh?” He asks his daughter, whose brow is deeply furrowed as if her snack today will affect the rest of her life. “How about both?”_

_“Both?..I - I can have both?” Lexa asks in awe. Laurel can always have whatever she wants. If Laurel changes her mind, her mom will give her whatever snack she wants. But Lexa is only allowed one small snack. Charles looks sad for a second as he stares off into the distance._

_He sits down at one of the kitchen counter stool so that he’s eye level with Lexa. Lexa’s still in awe at the small gesture. Charles feels shame wash over him for how he lets Beatrice treat his daughter. He just stands idly by and that makes him just as bad as Beatrice in his book. He wishes he had more patience._

_“Listen Lexa, I am going to tell you something and it will be the most important thing I'll ever tell you. Understand?” Charles says and Lexa nods seriously._

_“You can have whatever you want in this life. And don’t let anyone, including your mother and even me, tell you otherwise.” Lexa nods, thinking he’s talking about snacks. It’s only years later on the eve of his death that Charles’ daughter finally remembers this memory and it's in that moment that she understands he wasn’t just talking about snacks._

_Lexa and Charles munch on pretzels and strawberry ice cream and it starts a tradition for Lexa. She’s not sure if that’s her favorite snack because of the good taste or because of the good memories she shared with her daddy the day he showed it to her._

///

Her father was a flawed man. He was far from perfect, but he was her father. And now he’s gone. Lexa holds her tears in though. Her head is pounding and her heart is beating rapidly against her chest. But she doesn’t let it show. This time it’s her turn to hold Laurel while she screams out and cries. 

Laurel eventually stops crying. Her friends offer to stay and comfort them but she says it’s okay and she just wants to spend time with Lexa. They all give their condolences to the Woods’ sisters. Clarke lingers for a second while Laurel is talking to Lincoln. She pulls Lexa aside and hugs her tight. It takes Lexa by surprise but she falls into the affection she desperately craves and really needs right now.

“I know you want to hold it together now. But whenever you need to fall apart, I’m here. I’m always going to be here.” Clarke whispers to Lexa and she softly kisses her cheek. Lexa watches Clarke walk off and sits there stunned. Lexa just wants to be back in Clarke’s arms and cry. But not yet. She needs to get past this funeral and repass first. 

///

Beatrice comes home the next afternoon. The funeral is set for the next day. It’s all done rather quickly. Beatrice has ties in this community and gets everything settled as soon as her Jimmy Choos hit the airport runway.

“Laurel, dear.” Beatrice kisses her daughter dramatically on both cheeks. She gives her a light hug, but it’s not motherly. Beatrice wasn’t overly motherly and warm to Laurel either, but it was better than she was with Lexa. With Laurel, she at somewhat of an effort...or at least pretended to. But with Lexa, it was as if she hated her from the second she was born and she had no problem telling that to her daughter's face.

Lexa is standing next to her sniffling sister. Beatrice looks her up and down and scoffs.

“Alexandria.” She at least acknowledges her presence this time.

“Beatrice.” Lexa stopped calling her mother ‘Mom’ a long time ago.

“Can we please pretend to get along for Dad’s service?” Laurel mumbles, it’s mainly directed at her mother. Her Dad was a good father to her. She knows it’s hard for Lexa because their Dad ignored her a lot. But Laurel can’t help but be overcome with emotions. Her daddy is gone.

“Of course sweets.” Beatrice kisses her cheeks again. “I need my beauty rest. I can never sleep on those pesky planes. Your father’s service is tomorrow at 8. Be up and ready my darling Laurel." Her voice suddenly turns from soft to cold. Lexa immediately knows she's talking to her. "Oh and Lexa, don’t you dare disgrace your father by being late. And you better wear a black dress. No suits. No pants.” Beatrice spats out and Lexa bites her tongue, not wanting to fight with her mother just when her father died. “I love you Laurel.” She sweetly calls out and Laurel mumbles out a ‘goodnight.’

Laurel busies herself cleaning and reading. She repeatedly asks Lexa if she’s okay and Lexa says she’s okay as she can be right now. Lexa hasn’t cried. She wants to. She really does. She just hasn’t found it in her to cry. She’s sitting in her room when she gets a text from Clarke. Her spirits are instantly picked up slightly and all because of the blonde with blue eyes.

 **From Clarke -** Hi Lex. Just checking in. I know you probably want space but I hope you know we are here for you..I’m here for you. We will all be at the funeral tomorrow to support you and Laurel. I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold.

Lexa softly smiles at Clarke’s kindness. She’s sure Clarke sent a similar text to Laurel, and while she did, it wasn’t the same. Lexa replies to Clarke saying thank you before going to bed. Truthfully, she doesn’t think she will be able to get through the day without Clarke and Laurel by her side.

///

“Charles Gerald Woods was a man of many talents. CEO of the family business since the age 21, Charles grew up to be a loving husband and attentive father…” Lexa tuned out after the ‘attentive father’ spiel. Clarke has been holding her hand since the funeral. Now they are burying him in the ground at the Woods plots in the cemetery. Clarke is also holding Laurel’s hand, but Lexa isn’t jealous. She knows Laurel’s needs support too. Clarke squeezes her hand and Lexa squeezes back. 

Lexa has a flash of all the good memories with her Dad. There aren’t too many memories but there’s enough to leave a tiny hole in Lexa’s heart. Lexa feels a tear fall down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away, praying nobody saw. But Clarke did. 

Eventually their father is in the ground and it stabs at both sisters straight in their hearts. Lexa looks over at her mother and she barely looks grief stricken. She was even checking her fake pointy red nails to see if she needed a touch up. Lexa wanted to slap her for being disrespectful. Beatrice even refused to throw dirt on the grave as per tradition because it would ‘get her hands dirty.’ Almost everyone there looked at her with wide eyes and jaws on the floor. 

A repass is held where Laurel and Lexa sit with their cousins and uncles talking about Charles when he was a kid before he was burdened with the family business when his parents died in a plane crash. It changed him apparently. Lexa realizes she didn’t really know anything about her father...and now she might never have the chance to learn. She looks over at her friends who are sitting at a table in the corner, showing their support. Lexa’s heart warms up. That’s her real family. Not strangers that she’s never met before and certainly not Beatrice. The only blood family she has left now is Laurel. Nobody else in her biological family mattered to her. 

She goes over to her friends and talks for a bit, her eyes somehow always finding Clarke’s. Clarke has been so amazing these past two days. Her whole world has turned upside down. This all went much too quickly. They have barely had anytime to grieve. They didn’t even have a wake. Beatrice said Charles wouldn’t have wanted to be seen ‘all stuffy and in a box.’ But truthfully, Lexa thinks she just wants to hear the will. Beatrice has the lawyer coming after hours once the repass is over just so she can hear what is legally hers.

The repass at the restaurant is over and everyone says their goodbyes. Lexa hugs Clarke goodbye last. “Can I..maybe um come over later? To talk? I kind of really need to talk.” Lexa mumbles and Clarke looks at her with such affection and understanding in her eyes..but not pity. Never pity. And for that, Lexa is eternally grateful. “

“Of course. My door is always open.” Clarke reassures her and Lexa nods gratefully.

///

“Mrs. Woods, you receive the summer home in Croatia and the chateau in France. You also get the mansion in Pasadena and the townhouse in Chicago.” The lawyer says in a monotone professional voice. When he stops, Beatrice’s smile is wiped completely off her face. 

“And?” She hastily asks, gritting her teeth. The lawyer looks at her incredulously and continues.

“Laurel and Lexa Woods, you receive the deed to the mansion and all the unused plots in Polis. You both will split the shares down the middle of Woods & Company. You both will receive half the Woods fortune when you turn 30. Laurel, you are getting the villa in Greece. Your father says Greece has deep culture that a history buff like you would love. Lexa, your father is giving you the penthouse in Manhattan where you ‘will find the answers Beatrice and I could never give you.’ I have letters for both of you.”

The lawyer gives all three of them separate folders with all our information and what not. He shakes each of their hands and tells them to contact him if anything else is needed. He can tell the mother is barely holding it together, just as Charles warned him she would be when she found out the contents of the will. Charles’ real fortune was in the shares of Woods & Company and the heritages he gave Lexa and Laurel. Their nicest house is also the Polis Mansion, which is rather large and gorgeous.

Once the door closes, Beatrice implodes.

“How could he give _you_ the shares and properties that were rightfully MINE?!” Beatrice points at Lexa and says the words with such hatred. Lexa just shakes her head and chuckles bitterly.

“Maybe father finally realized what a gold digging bitch you are!” Lexa snaps. Her mother never loved her. Her mother was downright cruel to Lexa her whole life. And Lexa is done with it.

“You ungrateful whore.” Beatrice slaps Lexa hard across the face, so hard she leaves a big red hand mark. Lexa’s folder even falls out of her hand. Laurel jumps in front of them.

“Mother! Don’t you dare lay another finger on her!” Laurel screams louder than Lexa has ever heard her soft spoken sister yell before. “You’re hurting right now, but Daddy wouldn’t want you to take this out on your daughters.”

Beatrice chuckles darkly and shakes her head. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not taking this out on _my_ daughter. I’m talking to Alexandria. Alexandria Woods, certainly not my blood. Would you look at her? No. She's the product of your father and a no good whore." Laurel looks at Lexa and then Beatrice, clearly shocked. And so is Lexa, deep down she might have always known this bomb dropping truth : Beatrice is not her biological mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you guys didn't see that one coming. I wasn't planning on ending at a cliffhanger, but I'm not feeling all too well. And I knew I wouldn't have much time this weekend to write the rest of the chapter so I figured I might as well get something out there.
> 
> I just finished the outline for the whole story too and I am very excited to write the next few chapters. Hope you enjoy and let knew what ya think.


	14. So Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice is horrible as always. Laurel stands up for her sister. Lexa goes to Clarke and breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!
> 
> Trigger Warning : Beatrice says some horrible stuff. Later in the chapter, Lexa talks about how she never felt like she could love herself thanks to Beatrice. So I guess some brief mentions of self hate? Just figured I'd put a warning out there in case.

There is a deafening silence in the room. Beatrice and Laurel are both staring at Lexa, trying to gauge her reaction. She’s in shock right now. Suddenly, it all makes sense. Lexa never understood how a mother could be so cruel to her own flesh and blood. And now the truth is out there. Beatrice isn’t her mother. 

“What?” Lexa says shakily. 

“By the time that bitch told your father that she was pregnant, she couldn’t get rid of you.” Beatrice aims her word’s to stab Lexa in the heart. “He wanted to leave me.” Beatrice laughs out loud. “In what world does a man of Charles’ stature leave someone of my standing for a stripper! I told him the prenup was iron clad and if he even thought of trying to divorce me, I’d suck his assets dry. He wouldn’t have a goddamn penny. So your father, being the sensible man he is, made a compromise. He knew your mother wouldn’t be able to financially support you, so he offered to take you. In exchange, she got a hefty check and a contact that she could never contact you. And I got to continue living the lavish lifestyle that being Charles Woods wife afforded me. I couldn’t let anyone think I was raising the daughter of my husband’s cheap tawdry affair though so we said you were my own. But you couldn’t be farther from my blood, you little worthless whore. I’m what sophistication looks like. You’re just like your mother only worse. At least she got paid -”

Lexa slaps Beatrice across the face. Tears are streaming down her face and her chest is heaving. Her body is on fire in fury.

“You think your blood is so special? The only good that has come from your line is Laurel. Everyone else are blood sucking leeches who look plastic by the time they hit thirty just like you. You live a sad pathetic life where your reputation is the thing you hold the most dear. Make no mistake, you were never a mother to me. Hell, you were barely a mother to Laurel! The worst type of people in this world are the ones who have to put other people down to bring themselves up. So you want to sit there acting like you’re better than me, well fine. If you are what ‘sophistication’ looks like then I want no part of it.” Lexa is fuming. Laurel is holding her back gently so Beatrice and her don’t come to physical blows again.

“Get the hell out!” Beatrice screams and Lexa just scoffs and walks out of the house. Laurel tries to stop her but Lexa says she just needs space. The emotionally distraught basketball player grabs here folder and hops on her bike into the darkness of the night. Laurel comes into the house to see her mother with her permanent scowl etched on her face.

“That little bitch-” Beatrice starts but Laurel cuts her off.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!” Laurel screams with such authority that she is even shocked at the pure ferocity behind it. “You have bullied and emotionally abused my beautiful sister since she was a baby. You have repeatedly tried to break her spirits because she reminded you that father could never love an emotionless greedy pathetic excuse of a woman like yourself. She reminded you that you were in a loveless marriage of convenience. You never cared. You only pretended to love me to hurt her, didn’t you? For me, you were an absentee parent. But for Lexa, you were hell on Earth. If I started talking about the cruelness Lexa was subject to thanks to you, I’d never stop. Lexa has wasted too many tears on someone who doesn’t deserve them. And quite frankly so have I.”

“Laurel, you don’t understand. That girl isn’t worth the trash in the street-”

“Don’t you fucking finish that sentence.” Laurel says sharply. She is about the walk away when something pops into her head. She turns back around. “I’m 18. That means I automatically get my shares of the company, the house, and the unused plots. You’re no longer going to be Lexa’s guardian. We are going to hire a lawyer and you’re going to be out of our lives for good. Go to one of the many houses that Daddy graciously gave you but you certainly didn’t deserve. This is over. Stay until you make arrangements elsewhere and then get out. You may not be Lexa’s mother by blood, but now you are not my mother by _my choice_.” Laurel says calmly and fiercely. Laurel goes upstairs to her room and slams the door, deeply worried about her sister. 

Beatrice stands their jaw slacked and stunned that her daughter chose Lexa’s side in this. Truthfully though, Beatrice is still outraged that she was cheated of her money. Still, that’s the only thing that woman cares about. Laurel and Lexa are better off.

///

Lexa’s eyes are blurry with tears and her mind is clouded by anger and sadness. This whole time she could have had a mother who loved her, who accepted her. Instead, she had Beatrice. Beatrice broke her and Lexa is only now just starting to pick up the pieces. Lexa doesn’t even know where she’s going until she realizes she’s parked outside the Griffins’. Lexa wonders if she really should bother Clarke with all her baggage but right now she’s falling apart at the seams and Clarke is the only one that’s going to make her feel better.

Lexa knocks on the door and Jake opens it. She tries to hide her tear stained face but of course Jake sees it.

“Jake, I - I’m sorry for stopping by but um do you think I...could -” Lexa stammers for a moment.

“Oh honey. Come in, come in. You’re always welcome and don’t you forget that.” Jake says genuinely and hugs Lexa. Usually Lexa is uncomfortable by hugs, but Jake is such a sweet man. She feels comfortable around him. In the short time Lexa has known him, he’s become like a sort of father figure to her.

“Now I didn’t know your Daddy but he sure raised an amazing daughter. He’d be proud of you.” Jake lets go of Lexa and she smiles at him with watery eyes. Jake means well but of course he doesn’t know that Lexa’s father barely raised her. 

“Thank you.” Lexa says quietly. Jake can tell Lexa wants Clarke right now.

“Clarke is in her room. Go on up, you know where it is.” Jake says gently. When Lexa is halfway up the stairs, Jake calls out to her. “Oh and Lexa, you are more than welcome to stay the night if you want.” Lexa thanks him and makes his way to Clarke’s room.

She opens Clarke’s door and Clarke is sketching on her bed. Clarke looks up to see who’s at her bedroom door. When she sees it’s an emotionally broken looking Lexa, she immediately shoots up. Lexa walks inside and shuts the door to Clarke’s bedroom, standing awkwardly. It’s disorienting to see Lexa cry. Lexa has never cried in front of her. Lexa smiles through the tears and mumbles out a quiet vulnerable ‘hi’ before breaking down into tears. Clarke catches her in a warm embrace.

“This isn’t fair. Life has given you such a shitty hand. I’m so sorry.” Clarke mumbles into Lexa’s hair. Lexa appreciates the honesty. Most people would just tell her it’s going to get better. They would tell her that her father is in a better place. They would tell her a bunch of lines that won’t make her feel better. Her father just died, a father she barely knew. Her mother isn’t actually her mother. She’s running on pure adrenaline right now. Her life has crashed down on its axis in the span of two days and she has barely had a moment to process it. She doesn’t want to think about how it’s going to get better, she wants to cry. She wants to grieve her father, her childhood. She has a right to. And she doesn’t want to think about ‘focusing on the positives’ or anything like that. not now at least.

“M-my mom...she isn’t my mom.” Lexa cries into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke holds her tight and listens to Lexa’s cryptic words, trying to understand what she’s saying between all the sobs.

“Sweetie, I don’t understand.” Clarke softly says, petting Lexa’s hair. Lexa doesn’t explain any further and Clarke lets it go for now. Lexa needs a long cry. She has been bottling it all in for so long. After what seems like forever, Lexa is out of tears to cry and she’s exhausted. Clarke gives her a bottle of water that was on her nightstand and Lexa greedily gulps it all down. She’s so parched from all the tears that should have been shed long ago.

Lexa, still clutching onto Clarke’s side, is calmer now. She is so tired and just wants to rest her eyes but she doesn’t want to leave Clarke’s side. She can’t stand the thought of leaving Clarke’s warmth for the cold of being alone right now. She’s never felt as safe as with Clarke Griffin.

“Can we lay down?” Lexa says insecurely.

“Of course. Whatever you want.” Clarke says sincerely and they break the hug and move to the bed. Clarke lays down and Lexa bites her lip, unsure of herself. Clarke looks up at her confused.

“And um..” Lexa shifts her weight nervously between her feet. “Can you hold me?” Lexa says so soft and so broken that it stabs at Clarke’s heart. She swears she will protect this girl for as long as Lexa will have her.

“Yes.” Clarke breathes out tenderly and opens up her arms. “Come here.” Lexa crawls into Clarke’s embrace. Clarke kisses the top of Lexa’s head and the younger Woods’ shivers at the contact. It makes her feel all warm and tingly in a time where she thought she couldn’t possibly feel more emotions. Lexa’s eyes flutter open and shut.

“Rest Lex. I’ll be here when you wake up.” There’s so much left unsaid but it’s enough for now. Being in Clarke’s arms is enough.

///

Lexa wakes up to the sun peeking in through Clarke’s bay window. She feels groggy and tired. Lexa realizes she’s lying almost completely on Clarke. Her face is tucked in between Clarke’s shoulder and neck. Lexa tenses for a moment. She tries to get up, feeling as if she is somehow invading Clarke’s personal space. But Clarke’s hand has a fist full of Lexa’s shirt, keeping Lexa firmly in her place. Clarke frowns in her sleep and mumbles out a distressed ‘no.’ Lexa smiles at her and abandons the notion of moving farther away from Clarke’s embrace, reveling in the affection. She lays back down and falls back into a light sleep.

Clarke wakes up about an hour later. It’s still very early. She wakes up to Lexa’s luscious brown curls in her face. Clarke rubs at her eyes and begins to wake up. Her hand has somehow moved under Lexa’s shirt in the past hour and is right on the warm skin of the basketball player’s back. Clarke removes her hand quickly and the movement wakes Lexa up as well. Lexa’s eyes scrunch up and her lips smack together. It’s the cutest thing ever and if it wasn’t for the grim circumstances surrounding them, Clarke might have just given in and kissed Lexa right there and then.

“Hi.” Lexa quietly says and Clarke melts. Her voice is thick with sleep and small, almost childlike. Lexa sits up and rubs at her eyes, looking around the room.

“Morning.” Clarke says as she yawns. “How do you feel?” Clarke hates asking the question. Obviously Lexa feels like shit. But she really wants to know how Lexa feels. She wants Lexa to know that her feelings, whatever they may be, are valid.

Lexa ponders the question for the moment. How does she feel? Her father is dead. She’s mourning the loss of a man she barely knew. It confuses her. She knows how she is _suppose_ to feel. But it’s not the same as it is for Laurel. For Lexa, she is deeply saddened that Charles has passed. But she is more so grieving the fact that she will never be able to foster a real relationship with her own father. And after last night, she is starting to question everything she thought she knew about her father. He is essentially a stranger to her. More so than he ever was before.

Lexa also doesn’t know how to feel about the whole Beatrice bombshell. She’s ecstatic that Beatrice isn’t her mother. But it just means her whole life has been a life. And she has a mother out there somewhere. A mom that she never met. A mom. Lexa has a real chance at motherly love. It’s all so confusing.

“I don’t know.” Lexa finally croaks out and Clarke nods.

“Thank you for last night. I’m sorry if I -”

“No thank yous or apologies needed.” Clarke firmly says. “When I told you, I was here for you, I meant it. I care about you Lexa...deeply.” Clarke says the last part very soft and Lexa’s heart starts a thudding now familiar to her whenever she’s around Clarke.

“I’m not used to that.” Lexa vulnerably says.

“What? People being there for you or people caring about you?” Clarke asks curiously and a little shockingly.

Lexa smiles sadly and responds. “Both.”

Sure, Lexa has Laurel. Laurel has been her lifeline, but besides her, she’s been alone a lot. She has friends and they are amazing. But she’s still always felt so alone. Clarke is the only person that makes her feel alive and dare she say..loved. Clarke makes her feel whole. When she’s around Clarke, she doesn’t feel the void in her heart she always feels. She feels warm. She feels at home.

“Well you better get used to it because I am not going anywhere.” Clarke says truly and Lexa can’t help but smile wide. She hopes to God that’s true. Now that she has met Clarke Griffin, Lexa doesn’t think she can ever imagine a life without her. 

“Thank you Clarke. You don’t know what this all means to me.” Lexa says in awe. Her voice turns shakier at the next words out of her mouth. “Last night, I learned my entire life has been a lie.”

Clarke frowns in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well for my whole life, my parents were never there for me. My father ignored me for the most part. Sometime he was nice, but only when my mom...when Beatrice wasn’t around. Beatrice was horrible to me. She made me feel worthless and unlovable.” Lexa quietly says and Clarke is filled up with anger. She never knew why Lexa hated talking about her emotions so much but now it all makes sense. Clarke really wants to kick Beatrice’s ass.

“Last night though, she finally told me why.” Lexa pauses and gulps. Saying the words out loud will make this all feel so real. “Beatrice isn’t my biological mother. My father had an affair with a woman and that’s my mother. My father and Beatrice lied to everyone and said I was their child together. But I’m not.” Lexa feels a weight lifted off her shoulder. Clarke’s eyes widen at the new information.

“Lexa.” Clarke gasps in shock and Lexa nods, chuckling a little.

“I was shocked at first too. I’m still shocked, but I’m kind of relieved. Beatrice is a horrible woman. It means so much that she isn’t my mother. It changes everything.” Lexa says in awe and Clarke smiles gently for her.

“It’s a good thing Clarke. A really good thing. I feel like I can love myself now.” Lexa says with a smile on her face and it breaks Clarke’s heart. That last sentence really shatters Clarke’s heart. Lexa never thought she could love herself thanks to Beatrice’s inhumane ways. How could a mother do such a thing? Because Beatrice might not have given birth to Lexa, but Lexa was her child for 18 years. How could she be so cruel to an innocent child? 

“Lexa, you are so loved.” Clarke says, cupping Lexa’s cheeks. “You need to realize that even if Beatrice was your mother, you still would be so loved. You deserve love no matter who your parents are and how they treated you. Their actions are not yours to bear. You love yourself because you are a kind loving individual. Everyone deserves love from not only themselves but from others. And trust me, you have so much of both. You are so loved.” Clarke says the words in a shaky voice but her words hold the utmost sincerity in them. Lexa’s lip trembles and her heart aches but in a good way. Clarke’s words hit her hard. They will forever touch her heart and her soul. 

“I..” Lexa starts a sentence but trails off, at a loss for words. She’s stunned into silence. She didn’t realize how much Clarke cared for her. She didn’t even realize how deep her own feelings for Clarke run until this moment. Or perhaps she always knew, but she was too afraid to admit it to herself. Because if she was in love with Clarke Griffin, that means Lexa finally realized she was worthy of love. And now she knows both statements are wholeheartedly true. 

Lexa doesn’t even expect it when Clarke leans in closer. Clarke’s lips barely graze hers. Their lips lightly brush up against each other, breaths mingling. Clarke feels this intense rush of love for Lexa in that moment and just can’t stop herself. Her feelings have been growing with each day. Maybe they’ve always been there too, but she was terrified of them. She was in a state of denial because she thought Lexa was just going to hurt her. Now she realizes that Lexa has been hurt her whole life and that’s why she shut down. That’s why she didn’t let people in anymore. But she let Clarke in for some reason. And Clarke isn’t going to hesitate to show Lexa that love isn’t weakness. 

Clarke sees the small little girl broken by a cruel woman’s constant abuse. Clarke sees the young woman who fights off her emotions with a stoic face and faceless bodies to distract her from the loneliness. Clarke sees all of Lexa. The cute dorky awkward stuttering mess Lexa turns into whenever she asks Clarke to go for lunch after practices. The confident sexy basketball player who doesn’t realize just how amazing she is. She knows the Lexa who plays up a facade so that nobody can get close. She knows the Lexa with her heart naked and dreaming of love, welcoming Clarke Griffin into its chamber. She knows Lexa Woods. And everything Clarke has learned so far hasn’t made Clarke run away. If anything, it’s made Clarke run heart first towards her.

Lexa sucks in an unsteady breath. She’s scared Clarke is going to pull away. Lexa is paralyzed in anticipation and fear. She waits for Clarke to close the distance. The two of them sit there suspended in time until Clarke fully embraces Lexa’s lips with her own. Lexa shuts her eyes and surrenders to the kiss. It’s soft and hesitant, exploratory. Both bodies are shaking from the sheer emotion of it. Their last kiss tasted of tequila and sexual tension. Their bodies craved each other that night, but their minds and hearts had not quite caught up just yet. Now though, Clarke and Lexa are completely and irrevocably in love. They might have barely admitted it to themselves but it’s there. It’s buzzing under their skin, jolting their senses alive.

Lexa can’t believe this is happening. She kisses back and it tastes like salt, tears. She doesn’t know who is crying. Maybe both of them are. It’s a tender and loving kiss. A kiss that some will never experience in their life. It’s a kiss that stems from a connection so deep, so pure, that only a select few truly can say they’ve felt something like it. There’s no tongue and it’s over much too soon. But it’s a start. A start of something beautiful but also oh so very messy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice is horrible! I'm glad her character is almost gone. I love Laurel and don't worry, she will a bigger role again eventually. Right now, I'm focusing on Lexa (and Clarke's) journey.
> 
> How about that kiss though?! Clexa is coming together.
> 
> I wish I could say the angst is coming to a end soon, but it's not lol. Fic has a whole lot left. Interesting reading all your guesses on the angst. Some of you may or may not have guessed part of what happens later. 
> 
> Enjoy!


	15. Guardians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa reads her father's letter. She makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

Their kisses last for a few more minutes before Jake lightly knocks on the door saying breakfast is ready. Lexa jumps off the bed nervously and Clarke laughs. Lexa looks at Clarke’s swollen lips and bites her own in arousal. She can’t believe Clarke Griffin kissed her. Her body is floating. Her world might be turning upside down but at least she has Clarke by her side. It’s weird, having someone to lean on other than Laurel. But it’s not a bad weird. Lexa doesn’t like to be vulnerable in front of others. She doesn’t like to see that look of pity in their eyes. But Clarke doesn’t pity her. Clarke understands her and supports her and that’s all she could ever ask for. 

Breakfast is quiet. Jake knows these two girls are head over heels in love. He’s just not sure if they know it yet. He’s pretty sure Clarke would tell him if Lexa and her were dating. Lexa would still be allowed to stay over..with the door open of course. For now, he’ll let them figure it out on their own.

Lexa is grateful that Jake isn’t hovering over her, constantly asking if she’s okay. There’s light conversation but it’s nothing about her father. They all happily eat their blueberry pancakes and turkey bacon. It’s like a little family. Clarke and Lexa finish their plates and hurry upstairs.

Lexa checks her phone for the first time since storming out and it’s filled with messages from Laurel.

**2 missed calls from Laurel**

**From Laurel -** I kicked Beatrice out. She’s leaving as soon as tomorrow hopefully. Please come back Lex.

 **From Laurel -** We need to get in contact with the lawyer’s soon. You’re only 17 and Beatrice is still your guardian. Call me so we can figure this all out.

 **From Laurel -** At least tell me you’re okay. You’re always going to be my sister Lexa. Please I’m here for you.

**1 missed call from Laurel**

**From Laurel -** Where are you? Are you at Clarke’s? She’s not answering her phone either.

 **From Laurel -** I’m getting really worried here. Answer Lex! I’m going out of my mind with worry.

 **From Laurel -** I know you need your space. I get that. But I need to know you’re safe and not in a ditch somewhere. I’m so close to calling the cops Lexa. You can’t just run off and not answer all night.

Lexa instantly feels immense guilt for not texting Laurel that she’s alright. She wasn’t even thinking about how worried her sister would be about her. Damn her phone for being on vibrate. She’s just about to dial her sister back when it pops up that she has an incoming call from Laurel.

“Hey Laurel.” Lexa sheepishly says.

“Lex?! Jesus, where are you?” Laurel hisses into the phone, worry can be heard in her voice.

“I’m so sorry. I’m at Clarke’s. I wasn’t looking at my phone and I fell asleep. I just...I - I..”

“It’s okay. I didn’t mean to go all crazy overprotective sister on you but you were upset and I know how you get sometimes when you’re overloaded with emotions. I just wanted to make sure you were okay...are you okay?” Laurel rambles anxiously.

“I’m better now. Clarke has been great.” Lexa says with a smile and looks over at the blushing blonde looking at her from across the room.

“That’s..that’s really good Lex. I’m glad you’re embracing how you feel about her.” Laurel’s voice is much calmer now that she knows her sister is okay.

“Me too.” Lexa continues smiling and Clarke. There’s a pause in conversation for a moment.

“Did you open your folder yet?” Laurel says quietly.

“No..have you?” Lexa tenses up at the question as it brings her out of her Clarke Griffin love bubble and back to reality.

“Yes. There’s a lot of legal jargon. But basically it says that once we are 18, we get our shares of the house, the unused plots, and the company. We won’t get our heritages until we are thirty though. So I am already legally entitled to my shares but not the heritage. You have to wait one more year for your shares. Until then, you need a guardian to oversee your account. Don’t worry though, you get to choose who oversees the account. It won’t be Beatrice and it can’t be me. The guardian has to be over 21. Do you have anyone in mind?”

“Yeah. I think I might. Can I call you back?” Lexa asks. 

“Of course Lex. You can come back whenever you’re ready.” Laurel says gently.

“I know. I’ll come back once Beatrice is gone. I love you.” Lexa says softly.

“I love you too.”

Lexa sits down on the bed and Clarke moves to sit next to her. Lexa has her folder in her hand. She looks hesitant to open it. Clarke slips her hand in Lexa’s and Lexa smiles.

“Laurel said I have to choose a guardian to oversee my accounts until I turn 18. I don’t really know any adults.” Lexa says unsurely and Clarke looks at her understandingly. “I was thinking um maybe..Jake could be my guardian? Not like my legal guardian. He would just be in charge of my shares until I turn 18. He won’t even really have to do anything I don’t think. I just...I can’t have Beatrice in charge of my shares. She will try to scheme a way to take it all for herself.” Lexa rambles nervously.

“I think Dad would do it. He loves you Lexa. You just have to ask him.” Clarke says tenderly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind Lexa’s ear. Lexa melts into the simple display of affection.

“Thank you Clarke.” Lexa says lovingly.

“For tucking a piece of hair behind your hair?” Clarke teases and Lexa just looks at her with even more awe, ignoring the joke.

“For being you.” Lexa says quietly. Clarke’s eyes widen in shock but then she smiles. She puts her forehead against Lexa’s.

“Thank you for being you too.” Clarke says with a soft smile on her face. Lexa closes her eyes and just enjoys the moment.

A little later, Lexa opens her letter from her Dad when Clarke is in the shower. Jake just went out for a run so it’s just the two of them in the house. Lexa takes a deep breath and opens the letter addressed to ‘My dearest Alexandria.’

_Alexandria,_

_I know I have failed you time and time again in this life. I know I was not there for you when I should have been. I know I should have protected you from Beatrice. I have no excuse for my shortcomings as a father. You were an innocent child who deserved only love and kindness. Instead you got the wrath of a woman I scorned long ago, a woman you grew up calling your mother._

_There is no easy way to lessen the blow of what I am about to tell you, so I will just be blunt. Beatrice is not your biological mother. The mother who gave birth to you, the mother on your birth certificate, is Olivia Moore. We met and instantly, I had fallen for her. We had a whirlwind affair._

_Beatrice and I had just moved to New York. I was 35 and Beatrice was 31. We had been married for 7 years already. Beatrice was always a cold woman. We married because our fathers were old golf partners and it seemed like a sensible arrangement. I came to realize much later that I had very little sense to agree to such a loveless marriage._

_It’s no secret that Beatrice and I had affairs. As long as it was kept under wraps, we never questioned each other. It was an unspoken agreement. And one of the rules of this unspoken understanding was that we never fall in love with our lovers. It would have made things much too messy. I, however, broke that rule when I fell in love with your mother._

_Olivia was working towards getting her degree in nursing at a local city college when I met her. She was 20 years old. I went to her college to give a guest lecture on business management. We met in the cafeteria. Her eyes were kind and the brightest of greens, just like yours. It pains me to say that I could never look you in the eyes because of the similarity._

_We talked and talked until the cafeteria closed that night. I would go to see her as much as I could. She was hesitant since I was married, but I assured her it was a loveless marriage. Weeks later, our affair begun. I found out a few months later that she worked nights at a local strip club to pay for her tuition. You see Olivia was a very smart girl, a genius even. But she was also an orphan. She was in foster care since she was 10 years old. She had no funds for an education but she was hell bent on getting one. I see her fire in you sometimes. I see a lot of her in you. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been so distant. You were a reminder of how close I came to love and how far off track I’d gotten._

_Of course I offered to pay for her tuition but she refused. She did not take charity. Our affair lasted about six months when I found out Beatrice was pregnant with your sister, Laurel. She broke up with me. She told me I had to put my role as a father ahead of everything else._

_We didn’t talk for months. Laurel was born and I loved her as any father would. But I could never love her mother. When Laurel was a few months old, I went back to your mother. It took some time but she took me back. It was months later that she found out she was pregnant with you. No matter what Beatrice says, Olivia loved you Lexa. That’s why she gave you up._

_I tried to leave Beatrice but I was a weak man. A weak man who put his wealth ahead of his love. It will always be my biggest regret, my biggest tragedy. Olivia wanted to keep you so badly. She didn’t want the life that she had in the foster care system to be yours as well. But she didn’t have money. She believed she could not give you the life you deserve. So she asked me to take you. I could never refuse. You are my daughter Lexa. Despite everything I’ve done wrong in my life, my love for you has always been true..even if I didn’t show it._

_Beatrice agreed but under the condition that I never saw your mother again. And I never did. The day you were born was the last time we were together as a family. We have one picture all together and I’ve attached it to this letter. Your mother was so beautiful Lexa. You are the spitting image of her._

_If you ever wish to look for her, she lives in Queens. Three years after you were born, she married a man named Kyle Bauer. She made her way through college with no help. Last I checked, she works as a nurse at Jaha Memorial. Her husband works there as well as an anesthesiologist. That’s all I know. I used to check in on your mother all the time, but once she got married I knew it wasn’t my place anymore. I never stopped loving your mother, Lexa. But I failed her time and time again every time I failed you. I do hope you choose to meet her one day, when you’re ready._

_I know you think love is weakness, and perhaps that is my fault. I used to think the same thing and look where I am because of my foolish belief. Don’t fall into the same trap as I did. Love is beautiful and it’s strong. Embrace it my little Lexa. You deserve the world. You deserve so much more than I ever gave to you. You deserve to feel true happiness. And I hope more than anything that one day, you find it._

_With my sincerest of regrets and deepest love,  
Charles Woods_

Tears fall from Lexa’s eyes and onto her father’s last words to her. She shakily looks at the picture and sees her mother for the first time. Her hair is a little lighter but her eyes are Lexa’s. Her smile is wide yet sad as she looks at the little bundle in her arms. Charles is kissing her temple with one his arms around her. It looks so sad. They both knew this was the last time they’d be together. Lexa cries a little until she hears Clarke’s shower turn off.

She hastily gets up and paces for a minute. Lexa decides she needs to go now. She needs the truth now. She’s going to New York. Tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do y'all think?
> 
> Love all your comments. And thanks for all the kudos and reads :)


	16. Burnt Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to find Lexa's birth mom. Lexa and Clarke talk about their feelings (finally)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

Lexa is quickly writing a letter when Clarke enters her room in just a towel. Clarke observes the girl for a second and she looks panicked.

“Lex?” Clarke gently says. Lexa tenses at the sound and turns around. Looking at Clarke only makes her more flustered though. Clarke is wrapped up in a little towel. Her hair is wet and there are tiny wet droplets on her skin. _Clarke is naked under that towel. Clarke is wet and naked. Oh my god._ Lexa is about to have a full blown heart attack. 

“H-hi Clarke.” Lexa blurts out, her eyes shooting back up to Clarke’s face. Clarke blushes and moves closer to her. _She smells so so good, like strawberries. Oh my god, is she coming closer to me? Oh my god. Please don’t pop a boner, Lexa. Come on you can do this. Look at her eyes. Or that cute beauty mark right above her lip. Just not her body. She has such a nice body. Focus Lexa! Focus!_ Lexa is trying to act casual but she’s is miserably failing.

“What are you writing?” Clarke asks curiously as she tries to read the letter but Lexa hurriedly shields it so Clarke can't see.

“Oh uh that. It’s nothing. I was just um uh...well I was um-” Lexa is stammering, and although it’s the cutest thing, Clarke decides to save her from continuing rambling.

“You don’t have to tell me. But..you know I’m here for you right?” Clarke says sincerely and squeezes Lexa’s shoulder before moving to her dresser to pick out clothes.

Lexa instantly feels bad that she was going to try and run off and leave Clarke with just a letter. She should probably tell her. Clarke has been so supportive and amazing. She can’t mess this up by running away.

Clarke grabs clothes and mumbles that she’s changing and not to turn around. Lexa’s cheeks heat up and she shuts her eyes tightly. Right now Clarke is naked. She is completely naked and right behind Lexa. The muscles in Lexa’s neck are straining as she tries to focus on anything but that fact.

“Okay you’re good.” Clarke says and Lexa slowly turns around as if Clarke was lying and she is still in fact naked. Lexa finally takes a breath when she sees Clarke in jeans and a shirt, clothed. Lexa knows Clarke isn’t going to push her to talk about something she’s obviously not comfortable speaking about. The blonde grabs her sketchbook and sits on the bed. Lexa watches her for a minute before she just can’t take it anymore.

“I read my Dad’s letter.” Lexa blurts out. Clarke looks up at her shocked. “He said that my mom’s name is Olivia Moore and she lives in Queens last he checked. And she’s a nurse and she’s married and she has my eyes.” Lexa rambles and Clarke’s face softens.

“Lex, that’s amazing.” Clarke shuts her sketchbook and moves to the edge of the bed so she’s closer to Lexa. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to New York...now.” Lexa quietly says and looks away from Clarke. Clarke has a frown on her face.

“Now? Lex, I know you want to meet your mom but you can’t just get up and leave.” Clarke says softly.

“Why not? It’s a Saturday. There’s that teachers convention Monday and Tuesday so there’s no school till Wednesday. It’s the perfect time to do it. If I waiting any longer I will chicken out.” Lexa deflates at the next part and her voice suddenly grows more quiet. “I’ve been living a lie for so long Clarke. I just want the truth.”

Clarke frowns for a moment. It’s crazy to just run off to the city like that. And Lexa is still learning how to deal with her emotions. If she goes to New York and things don’t turn out good, she might just go off the deep end. But Clarke can also tell that Lexa is going to do this no matter what anyone says. She sees the fire in her eyes.

“Okay let’s go.” Clarke says simply, getting off her bed and walking to her closet. Lexa looks at her dumbfounded.

“What?” Lexa mumbles quietly. “Clarke, you don’t have to come with me. I don’t mind going alone.”

“I know. But I want to come with you. Don’t worry I won’t interrupt your mother daughter bonding time. I’ll just be around if you need me.” Clarke says sweetly and Lexa’s heart swoons. “Plus, I’ve never been to Manhattan before.”

“What about Jake? He’s not going to let you run off with me to New York, will he?” Lexa asks incredulously.

“You’d be surprised what my Dad will let me do. It might take some convincing but he trusts you and he trusts me. And both of us used to live in big cities so we aren’t naive. I think he’ll say yes.” Clarke starts packing her bag. Lexa looks at her in awe. How could she have met someone as amazing as Clarke Griffin.

Clarke packs her bag and Lexa paces the room nervously. She books two train tickets to New York while waiting for Clarke to finish packing. Lexa still has clothes and all she needs in her room at the penthouse.

“You should call Laurel.” Clarke supplies helpfully. Lexa gulps. She knows she has to call Laurel. She can’t have Laurel freaking out about her absence again. Lexa dials the phone and Laurel immediately picks up.

“Lex, hi.” Laurel says with relief evident in her tone.

“Hey Laur. I read my letter.” 

“You did? What did it say?” Laure asks surprised.

“Charles talked about my birth mom. Apparently she lives in Queens.” Lexa rubs the back of her neck, worried how Laurel is going to take it that she’s running off.

“And you’re going to see her, aren’t you?” Laurel says knowingly and Lexa’s mouth drops on the floor. Her sister always knows exactly what she’s going to do.

“How did you know that?” Lexa asks shocked.

“I’m your sister. I know you.” Laurel says softly. “I will kick your ass if you think about going alone though. I’m assuming Clarke is going with you.”

“How did you-”

“Lexa.” Laurel chuckles. “You have this habit of running off and not letting anyone know where you’re going. If you were going to New York by yourself, you’d already be there and you wouldn’t have called me. But I know Clarke would kick your ass straight back to Polis if she found out you didn’t call me.”

“Wow.” Lexa never stops being amazed at her sister. It’s like she’s a psychic.

“I can come too if you want. I know you’re going to say that it’s okay, but I can come as moral support as well.” Laurel supplies gently. She doesn’t want to third wheel on the little clexa adventure to New York but at the same time, she still wants to offer her sister support.

“No it’s alright. Thank you so much Laurel.”

“Of course. Now, the penthouse isn’t legally yours yet. But you can still use it. It’s still a Woods property and you’re a Woods.” Laurel says and Lexa nods.

“Yeah I thought that.” Lexa says, looking at her watch. They’ll have to leave soon if they don’t want to miss their train. “I have to go but thank you for understanding.”

“Of course Lexa. I love you. And I am here for you. Call me when you get there.”

“Love you too.”

Clarke and Lexa sit on the couch and wait for Jake to get back. Jake walks in, sweaty and tired from his long run. He looks at the two girls sitting calmly in his living room with Clarke’s suitcase packed. He can tell something is up.

“Girls? What are y’all scheming?” He asks, half joking half serious.

“Daddy, you look so handsome.” Clarke says overly sweet and Jake laughs.

“Clarke, I look like a sweaty mess. You know that won’t work on me. Now tell me whatsup and we will see if I can say yes.” Jake says and the girls look each other in the eyes nervously.

“Mr. Griffin, I -” Lexa starts but Clarke cuts her off.

“No, Lex. I got this.” Clarke gently smiles at Lexa and looks at her Dad. “Daddy, Lexa just found out that her evil mother isn’t actually her biological mom. Her Dad had an affair with a woman who lives in New York. Lexa wants to go meet her and I want to go with her.” Clarke says calmly.

“Oh honey, I would love to take you two to New York but I have a huge presentation in work on Monday and I just can’t miss it.” Jake says regretfully.

“I know you do. That’s why I’m asking you if Lexa and I can just go.” Clarke says. Jake looks like he’s about to reject the idea so Clarke starts talking again, trying to persuade her father.

“Hear me about before you say no. We will take the train and go straight to Lexa’s penthouse. Lexa used to live in Manhattan so she knows her way around. We won’t walk around the streets at night. We are just going to meet Lexa’s mom and then we will come back. No partying, no drinking, nothing. I promise. Daddy, please. This isn’t a vacation. This is really important.” Clarke begs and Jake softens.

“Do you really have to go this weekend though?” Jake asks unsurely.

“Mr Griffin, I understand if you don’t want Clarke to go but I will be going today. I need closure sir.” Lexa tries to sound formal but Jake can see how upset the girl is. He can see it in her vulnerable eyes. Lexa tries to act so strong but she's still just a little girl.

“And does your other mother care if you go?” Jake asks. Lexa is only 17. He can’t just let her run off if her guardian doesn’t know.

“Beatrice doesn’t mind.” Lexa says and it’s the truth. Beatrice always told them to do as they please. She never cared.

Jake sighs and thinks about it for a minute. He’s glad Clarke came to him about this. She could have easily lied and said she was spending a few days at Octavia’s like any other teenager might. But knowing Clarke, they already bought the tickets. His little girl is nothing if not persistent and oh so stubborn.

“Alright. But I expect two phone calls a day. One in the morning and one at night. Be smart. And I want the address of the penthouse and the train information. I also want all of the information of your biological Mom, in case I can’t reach either of you. And Clarke, keep your iPhone tracking on. I’ll only use it if I need to, okay?” Jake says and immediately both girls faces light up. He knows some parents wouldn’t approve of this, but Jake isn’t any other parent. He trusts Clarke. Clarke comes to him with everything. He treats her like an adult and in turn expects her to act like one. 

Clarke runs up to him and hugs and kisses him. Lexa looks shocked that he actually said yes. She tries to shake his hand but Jake hugs her. Lexa tenses at first and Jake thinks he made a mistake but then Lexa relaxes a little and hugs him back. Jake drives them to the station and waits with them until they get on their train.

“Now two phone calls a day! I mean it, Clarke.” Jake hollers out to them. 

“I promise. I love you!” Clarke smiles as she catches up with Lexa. They are on their way to New York, a place where everything will change for them.

///

The pair finally get to New York and are exhausted. The train ride was long and it’s evening already. They decide to grab dinner and wait until tomorrow to go see Olivia. They just got off a few minutes ago at Penn Station and hop on a subway to the Upper East Side, where Lexa’s penthouse is. They go up the elevator and as soon as the doors open, Clarke gasps. The penthouse is absolutely stunning. Clarke runs around looking at all the rooms like a little kid in a candy shop. Lexa chuckles at how cute Clarke is being. It seems as if everything Clarke Griffin does makes her fall more and more in love with her. Clarke drops her stuff off in a guest room and they go out to explore the city.

“What do you want to eat?” Lexa asks as the walk through the busy streets of Manhattan. 

“Anything is good with me.” Clarke says and Lexa nods. Clarke narrows her eyes at the brunette and smiles. Lexa is so darn cute. She’s not really sure where they stand, but that kiss was absolutely explosive. Clarke decides to be brave again and slips her hand in Lexa’s. Lexa’s eyes widen and her body tenses for a second. She tries to force her heart to stop beating so fast as a smile creeps on her face. Clarke is holding her hand! Both girls walk along the busy streets with their hearts beating rapidly, ever so in love. 

Lexa takes Clarke to a nice steakhouse. Clarke looks at the prices and almost falls over.

“Lexa, the food is so expensive. I - I don’t think I can afford this.” Clarke says, really embarrassed. 

“Clarke, you’re not paying. I’m taking you out, it’s my treat.” Lexa smiles and Clarke looks shocked. Clarke starts to freak out. _Is this Lexa’s way of telling me this is a date? Holy shit, are we on a date?! No, this can’t be a date. Oh my god, am I on a date with Lexa fucking Woods and I didn’t even realize it??_

“Clarke? Claaaarke?” Lexa cuts Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Hmm. Sorry what?” Clarke smiles and Lexa’s confusion ceases as soon as Clarke's mouth curves upward.

“I was just asking if you knew what you wanted.” Lexa says while smirking.

“Oh um..yeah I think I’m going to have the porterhouse. It looks so good. I love steak.” Clarke rambles and Lexa chuckles.

“I know. You mentioned once that L.A. had the best steak you ever tasted. You said that the one thing you miss about L.A. is the steak. So that’s why I picked here. I think this place has L.A. beat.” Lexa smiles and Clarke is in awe. Clarke doesn’t even remember saying that. Lexa actually remembers the things she says, even the little stuff. Clarke swoons.

///

Dinner is lovely. They share a dessert and when Clarke steps away to use the restroom, the waiter compliments Lexa on how cute of a couple they are. Lexa’s face grows red as she mumbles out a thank you. Do her and Clarke really look like a couple? In her dreams maybe. Clarke comes back to the table and they walk back to Lexa’s penthouse, holding hands. Maybe they are closer to being a couple then Lexa thinks.

The rest of the evening they lazily sit in front of the TV, watching romcoms. Lexa picks out the movie this time but she picks something she knew Clarke would like. She just wants to see Clarke's gorgeous smile. Clarke’s smile is better than any movie. Clarke snuggles into her and Lexa revels in the embrace. She’s very nervous about meeting her mother. Actually, she’s freaking out. But Clarke is here and she loves Clarke. Clarke is so warm and beautiful. Being in Clarke’s presence puts her at ease. They fall asleep deep in eachother’s arms on the couch, both girls finding a sort of peace in one another that they have never felt before.

///

They wake up the next morning and shower (separately) and get dressed. Lexa runs out to the store while Clarke is in the shower and grabs some ingredients to make pancakes. Clarke wanders out into the kitchen with damp hair clad in baggy pajama shorts and a sweatshirt. Lexa groans because she swears Clarke isn’t wearing a bra but she can’t be sure since she’s wearing a sweatshirt. _Mind out of the gutter, Lexa. Mind out of the gutter._

“Is the great Lexa Woods cooking me breakfast?” Clarke mocks surprise, but truthfully she is shocked. She melts at the gesture.

“No. Just cooking some food for myself. There might be some scraps for you when I’m finished though.” Lexa teases back sarcastically. Lexa might be nervous around Clarke, but she hasn’t lost her sarcasm. The two girls are constantly engaging in playful banter. Clarke lightly slaps Lexa’s arm and moves to help her. 

“Making pancakes is an art. Are you sure you’re up to the task Griffin?” Lexa teases and Clarke playfully scoffs.

“Well I don’t know if you’ve heard but I am a bit of an artist.” Clarke says with a glint in her eye and Lexa smiles.

“Pancakes are a very tricky medium Clarke.” Lexa says playfully.

“I think I’m up for the challenge Woods.”

“If you say so.”

It turns out Clarke was in fact _not_ up for the challenge. 20 minutes later, there is a tray of burnt pancakes. The girls are covered in flour thanks to the little food fight Clarke started. And Lexa and Clarke are laughing on the floor, pancakes long forgotten.

“I guess I should stick to sketching.” Clarke chuckles, laying half on top of Lexa.

“I think I agree with you on that.” Lexa jokes and Clarke playfully pushes her. As their laughter subsides, the two girls realize how close in proximity they are. Clarke glances at Lexa’s lips and that’s all the invitation Lexa needs to initiate a soft kiss. 

Clarke kisses back enthusiastically. The angle is a tad awkward though so Clarke decides to fully climb on top of the brunette. Lexa is pleasantly surprised by Clarke’s boldness. Clarke smiles down at Lexa as she leans in for another kiss. Lexa doesn’t exactly know what her and Clarke are and it’s quite confusing. She doesn’t want to be just a hookup to Clarke. They kissed once (besides the dare, which Lexa doesn’t count). Lexa thought it might have just been heat of the moment, but god was she wrong. Lexa decides she will tell Clarke that she’s serious as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

When Lexa feels Clarke’s tongue in her mouth, she moans embarrassingly loud. She’s never been this turned on in her life. Clarke smiles into the kiss and Lexa grows red. She’s acting like this is her first time making out with someone! No, she needs to show Clarke how good of a lover she can be. Not that they are going to have sex. They’re just making out. Oh god, now Lexa can’t stop envisioning sex with Clarke. _Stop that. Don’t think about a naked Clarke writhing underneath you. Don’t think about her moaning out your name when she comes for the first time. Bad Lexa!_ Lexa closes her eyes and gets lost in the kiss and her thoughts. She pulls Clarke in closer and puts her hands in Clarke’s hair.

When they first start kissing, Lexa seems awkward to Clarke. It’s like she wants to be sure she doesn’t overstep any boundaries. Clarke is confused because she thought Lexa is the type to be aggressive. But then she remembered that Lexa knows she’s a virgin. It’s sweet and so endearing that she is being hesitant. But this is nothing new to Clarke. Clarke reasons she will have to the one to make the next move so she starts grinding on the girl. 

Lexa feels Clarke move shamelessly against her and oh god Lexa feels like she’s died and gone to heaven. Clarke is so fucking good at this. She’s so good. Lexa can’t even think straight. Whenever she’s had sex in the past, she was never fully into it. Sure, it was good. But it was never some earth shattering experience where she truly felt herself get lost in it. She never fully gave herself to another. But with Clarke, she feels every touch. She hears every sound. It’s driving her absolutely wild. She's ready to hand over her mind, body, and soul to the blonde kissing her.

Lexa feels her penis hardening. Clarke is making her feel amazing. She wants to undress Clarke. She wants to taste her and feel how wet she is. She wants to make love to her. And surprisingly, the thought doesn’t scare her. _Making love._ Not meaningless sex. No. Lexa finally understands the difference. 

Clarke kisses the girl underneath her passionately, pouring all her love into each kiss. She is incredibly turned on. Her body is acting on it’s own accord. She’s made out like this before and the makeouts have been nice. But it was never like _this_. Clarke feels hot all over. Her body is calling out for something she’s never felt it call out for in her life. She is desperately aroused and that’s when she feels Lexa’s erection begging to break free of her sweats. It’s no secret that Lexa has a penis. It’s a known fact around Polis. Lexa has never brought it up to Clarke though. Knowing about it and feeling it pressed up against you are two entirely different things. Clarke rubs against it and it's making her feel like she's on fire. Her clit is aching and feels like it's being overloaded with so many sensations. She just wants to rip Lexa's clothes off and feel Lexa inside her. Clarke has never felt like this before but the feelings are definitely not unwelcomed.

Lexa seems to be getting more comfortable in their position. Her hands shakily make their way down to Clarke’s sleep shorts. She puts her hands on Clarke’s generous ass and groans when she feels bare skin. Clarke’s shorts are so short and so baggy that Lexa easily moves them upward and palms at her ass, feeling the thin lace underwear she's wearing. Lexa groans into Clarke’s mouth as she squeezes the blonde’s ass. Clarke breaks the kiss and throws her head back in pleasure, her grinding motions increasing tenfold. 

“Lex.” Clarke pants out. Lexa in entranced by the ethereal figure on top of her, giving her so much pleasure. Lexa takes the opportunity to kiss down Clarke’s long unblemished neck. Lexa’s tongue pokes out, licking the warm skin it finds. Her teeth nip and graze. Her mouth forms a tight suction grip, leaving love marks scattered all over. Lexa’s hands leave Clarke’s ass and makes its way under Clarke’s shirt. She slowly travels to Clarke’s breasts and all but growls when she realizes that she was in fact right before. Clarke is indeed not wearing a bra. Lexa massages Clarke’s breasts, pinching and rubbing her nipples. The sensation causes Clarke to go wild, her body moving faster and rougher. 

Lexa swears she’s so fucking close to coming in her pants. She can feel herself on the edge. Lexa's moans and whimpers are getting louder and louder. Lexa is jolted into action at the realization that she very well might come. Lexa never comes early. This is all new territory to her. Clarke is making her go crazy in the best possible ways. Lexa rolls them over with her now on top so she can control the movements and calm her body down a bit. Clarke giggles and Lexa smiles down at the girl. There’s a pause in their kissing. Both try and catch their breaths, smiling at one another. Lexa tenderly wipes away some flour on Clarke’s cheeks and Clarke wipes away some on Lexa’s forehead. Lexa sighs out and nuzzles into Clarke’s neck.

“Maybe we should stop before things go too far.” Lexa says, her voice muffled as she burrows deeper in Clarke’s embrace. She never thought she’d say such a thing. Waiting? The concept is so unfamiliar to her. But she’d wait forever for Clarke. 

“If that’s what you want.” Clarke says with her eyes closed and a dopey smile on her face. Clarke is fully ready to lose her virginity on the kitchen floor to Lexa Woods. It seems fast and random and maybe it is. But Clarke doesn’t care. It feels so _right_. And that’s all she’s ever wanted. She wanted to feel safe and for it to feel good. She feels all of those things but she also feels loved. Clarke loves Lexa. Clarke is in love with Lexa.

“Is that not what you want?” Lexa asks, clearly taken a back. “I mean like aren’t you um...a virgin?” Lexa lifts her head and stares at Clarke’s blue pools to observe the blonde’s emotions.

“Yes I am.” Clarke chuckles. “It’s not a bad word Lexa.” Clarke smiles and bites her lip and Lexa’s cheeks redden in embarrassment.

“No that’s not what I meant. I just thought you are waiting for something..like for it to be special.” Lexa awkwardly rambles. Clarke finds it cute whenever Lexa rambles.

“Well I’m not waiting for candles, roses, and satin sheets. It’s just never felt right before.” Clarke says casually.

“A-and you’re saying it um.. you're saying that it feels right now?” Lexa asks eyes wide. Clarke Griffin is ready to lose her virginity to her?! Oh my god. Clarke wants to give herself to Lexa and Lexa is considerably freaking out. It’s not that Lexa doesn’t want to. She _definitely_ wants to but she’s nervous. Like really nervous. She’s going to Clarke’s first. She has to do this right. Not on some kitchen floor because she’s too turned on to keep it in her pants. No. Maybe Clarke isn’t expecting candles and roses but she sure as hell deserves it. Clarke deserves to feel showered with love. 

“It feels right with you.” Clarke mumbles quietly. “But that doesn’t mean..I mean I know you don’t do relationships or feelings so I -”

“That was before you. It’s different with you Clarke.” Lexa cuts her off with a soft kiss and sincere words.

“It is?” Clarke asks in awe and Lexa nods softly. Lexa leans in and passionately kisses the blonde. Their kisses quickly growing hungry. She meant for it to be a peck but Clarke’s lips are like magnets and she just can’t get enough. Clarke’s phone starts ringing on the counter and they both groan.

“It’s definitely my dad. We haven’t spoken yet this morning.” Clarke whispers against Lexa’s lips before she reluctantly moves to get up.

“Hey Dad.” Clarke says, trying to keep her voice cool and casual like she wasn’t just heatedly making out with Lexa. “Yeah everything’s good. The city is amazing.”

Lexa picks herself up off the floor as Clarke talks her Dad for a good long while. Clarke keeps looking at her apologetically but Lexa smiles and waves her off. Lexa has a raging erection though and it’s very hard to ignore. It actually hurts really bad.

“I’m going to go take another shower. I’m covered in flour.” Lexa whispers as Clarke pulls the phone away from her ear to hear what she’s saying. Clarke nods regretfully and Lexa walks off. She was _this_ close to blurting out that she’s in love with Clarke. Lexa gets in the bathroom and rids herself of her clothing. The hot water feels nice but her erection is still present and bothering her. 

Lexa doesn’t want to touch herself with Clarke in the next room but she desperately needs relief. Lexa starts slow, rubbing her member to thoughts of the warm flesh she was kissing and touching just minutes before. She thinks about how she felt Clarke’s nipples harden in her palm. She wonders what they must look like. Lexa throws her head back, leaning on the tiles of the shower wall. Her efforts starting getting more sloppy and faster as she bites her lip to suppress the moan trying to break away. She thinks of Clarke on top of her, only this time she’s naked with her breasts bouncing up and down as she rides Lexa. Lexa comes moments later, her eyes tightly shut and her mouth in a wide ‘o’ formation.

Lexa gets dressed and goes into the living room. She hears the shower in the guest room and assumes that Clarke is also washing off the flour from her body. Ten minutes later, Clarke comes out all showered and dressed in different clothes. Their smiles are soft and shy. It’s as if they weren’t just contemplating having sex on the kitchen floor a half hour ago. 

“I’ll clean up the mess I made.” Clarke chuckles and Lexa follows.

“Let me help. I distinctly remember I threw flour right back at you.” Lexa teases. They’re back to their normal flow of playful banter and it’s perfect. After they clean up, comfortable silence fills the air.

“I meant what I said before.” Lexa suddenly blurts out and Clarke is a little startled. Eventually she catches up to what Lexa is talking about.

“I know you did.” Clarke smiles and puts her hand on top of Lexa’s. “I have feelings for you Lexa. A lot of feelings.”

Lexa smiles wide and bright. Her eyes have never been brighter. She feels like she’s about to burst into tears at Clarke’s confession. It’s one thing to kiss and makeout but that could have all been purely physical to Clarke. Now that she knows it’s not just physical, that Clarke can feel this insanely strong and beautiful connection too, Lexa feels invincible. Lexa’s heart is soaring.

“I do too. So much Clarke. You have no idea.” Lexa proclaims passionately. She moves over to the kitchen stool Clarke is sitting on and kisses her excitedly. Both girls are smiling so hard that kissing is proving rather difficult. It’s still so perfect though. Once Lexa pulls back from the kiss, they both touch their lips and smile.

“We can talk about what this means later though. Right now, we go find your mom. Okay?” Clarke breathes out, her head resting against Lexa’s. Lexa smiles and nods, a whole other set of nerves kicking in. She’s going to finally meet her mother. A mother that could love her. Oh god, this is so scary but so amazing. Everything is going her way. Or so it seems. But as Lexa will learn soon enough, life is never easy. And nothing is as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah that happened. Clexa got pretty heated for a second there. I personally love a awkward adorkable Lexa so there will be more of that ahead as Clarke and Lexa explore their relationship further. 
> 
> I know I ended on a dark note. You'll figure out why in the upcoming chapters. I have the entire story planned out, I just have to write it. Unfortunately, I am officially back in the college grind. Between work and classes starting, I have a lot on my plate. Updates will not be as constant (I'm sorry!)
> 
> Just know that all my fics will eventually be finished (especially this one). Love all your comments :)


	17. Make Me Feel Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds out the truth about her bio mom. Small time jump. Clarke and Lexa get closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes. I really have no time to write let alone edit as of right now. So for the time being, a lot of my work will be unedited but I figured I would get it out there anyways.
> 
> Warning : Minor character death

Lexa tugs at her collar and clears her throat anxiously. Lexa is really nervous. Clarke grabs her hand and Lexa instantly feels calmer. Lexa can hear movement at the other side of the door. The door swings open and it’s a young boy, maybe around 12 years old.

“Who are you?” The boy eyes them suspiciously.

“Uh - I’m um..are you parents here?” Lexa nervously rambles and Clarke squeezes her hand in support.

“My dad.” The boy says calmly. “Dad!” The boy hollers and more footsteps are heard. Lexa shakes her head. 

“This was a bad idea. We - we should have called. Let’s go.” Lexa whispers into Clarke’s ear.

“Shh. We are here. Let’s just see what happens okay? I’m here. Don’t worry.” Clarke whispers back and Lexa nods slowly. She’s still freaking out but Clarke is here and that’s all that matters.

“Hello?” A man with a kind smile approaches the door. He ruffles the boy’s hair and the kid walks away, uninterested in the strangers at the door.

“Hi sir!” Lexa squeaks out. She clears her throat before she continues. “I’m...well I was wondering if Olivia Moore lives here?”

“You’re her.” The man states plainly, shocked.

“W-what?” Lexa stutters out.

“You’re my Livy’s first child. You’re Alexandria.” The man says in awe. Lexa stands there dumbfounded. 

“I am.” Lexa says emotionally. “Um is she here?” Lexa asks with hopeful eyes. The man’s eyes grow sad.

“Come in. There’s something we should talk about.” The man says sullenly and Lexa feels knots in her stomach form. She knows something really bad is about to happen but her and Clarke walk into the apartment anyway.

///

“Lexa! Lex, you have to calm down.” Clarke desperately pleas with the emotional girl. Lexa was eerily quiet once they left the apartment. Once they got home, Lexa started freaking out. She tried to open up the liquor cabinet but when it wouldn’t budge, she threw a vase against the cabinet.

“Please Lex.. talk to me.” Clarke tries again and Lexa turns around, breathing heavy. There are tears freely falling from her eyes.

“She was suppose to be my chance! A mom who loved me..” Lexa starts crying harder. Clarke cups her cheeks.

“She did love you. Didn’t you hear Kyle? She always talked about you. She was just waiting until you were 18 and then she was going to contact you.” Clarke says softly.

“She’s dead Clarke! It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’ll never know her.” Lexa sobs, lowering her body to the floor. Lexa burrows her head into Clarke’s neck, a waterfall of tears hitting Clarke’s neck. 

Clarke cradles Lexa back and forth, letting the girl cry on her shoulder. It’s not fair. Lexa can never catch a fucking break. Clarke knew something was wrong the second Kyle, Olivia’s husband, sat them down to talk. He told them that Olivia was in a car accident four months ago. She died on the scene. Clarke feel Lexa’s heartbreaking right next to her. 

Kyle is a good man, Clarke could tell. And Lexa has a brother too. Aden. When Lexa is ready, Kyle and Aden could be a part of Lexa’s family. But for now, Lexa has to mourn both her mother and her father.

Lexa’s cries subside to sniffles until she’s completely silent. Lexa nudges her nose against the wet skin of Clarke’s neck. Clarke holds back a shudder, focusing on comforting Lexa. Lexa slowly removes herself from Clarke’s embrace and her eyes land straight on Clarke’s lips.

“Lex..” Clarke murmurs, seeing exactly where Lexa is looking. Lexa pulls Clarke in by her head.

“Please Clarke..” Lexa whispers and it’s heartbreaking. Clarke nods slightly and Lexa presses her lips harshly against Clarke’s. Lexa just needs to feel alive. She needs to feel Clarke’s heart beating underneath her touch. She needs to forget that she’s an orphan. She needs to forget.

Lexa kisses Clarke hard and it’s nothing like the kisses they shared before. It’s rough when Lexa is usually sweet. Lexa pushes her tongue in Clarke’s mouth. Clarke releases a little whimper and it only spurs Lexa on more. “Get on your back.” Lexa mumbles against Clarke’s lips as she crawls on top of Clarke.

“Lexa, you’re mourning. We shouldn’t..You’re not thinking clearly.” Clarke says breathlessly.

“I just need to feel you. I need to feel something good right now.” Lexa’s voice croaks at the end. Clarke pushes back Lexa’s hair behind her ear.

“Just a little kissing okay?” Clarke says softly and Lexa nods.

“Whatever you want..always.” Lexa says sincerely. She just needs to feel Clarke right now. She can’t explain it. Clarke makes her feel safe and at home. Her kisses melt her heart.

Lexa molds her lips against Clarke’s. Clarke kisses back feverishly. Lexa starts grinding down on Clarke and the bloan lets out a feral moan. Lexa bites and harshly sucks on Clarke’s neck. It’s rough, hard, and fast. Clarke can tell Lexa just needs a distraction from everything right now. Clarke knows this and she’s letting it happen because she knows Lexa cares about her. Lexa would never dream of using her. Lexa needs physical and emotional intimacy and comfort right now and that’s what Clarke is going to give her.

Lexa lets out a grunt as she humps Clarke, groaning as her bulge presses deliciously against Clarke. Clarke feels like she’s on fire. Maybe she should stop this now. It’s getting much more heated than she planned.

“Lex..” Clarke means for it to come out firm but instead it’s more of a breathy moan. Lexa takes it as Clarke wanting more so she moves her hand down to the button on Clarke’s pants.

“Wait wait..Lex...not like this.” Clarke gently pushes at Lexa’s shoulders and Lexa immediately stops her movements.

“I’m sorry. Shit! You said just a little kissing.” Lexa frantically apologizes.

“It’s okay Lex. I love kissing you, but you’re not in the right headspace right now. I’m here for you Lex. I’ll always be here for you. You will get through this.” Clarke says emotionally and Lexa nods, tears building up in her eyes.  
“Please don’t leave me too.” Lexa mumbles and it breaks Clarke’s heart. Lexa is never like this in front of anyone. She hates being ‘weak.’ But with Clarke it’s different. She’s different.

“Never.” Clarke says gently, hugging Lexa tight and kissing her forehead. She will always be here for Lexa no matter what happens between them.

///

_Two weeks later_

“Griffin! Nice leg work today.” Echo calls out as Clarke grabs her duffle bag. It’s Friday and practice ran a little late.

“Thanks.” Clarke says with a sincere smile on her face. Her and Echo are friends now. Echo is actually really cool, platonically speaking of course. 

“You’re coming to the party later right?” Echo asks with a smirk on her face.

“Yup.” Clarke pops the ‘p.’ “With my _girlfriend_.” Clarke says the word ‘girlfriend’ with a dreamy smile on her face.

“Ah you wound me Griffin.” Echo teases back all in good fun. The whole school knows that Lexa Woods is dating the gorgeous new girl Clarke Griffin. Truthfully, Echo loves them as a couple. Clarke chuckles and shakes her head.

“Babe?” Lexa says softly. She gives Echo a tight lipped smile, still insanely albeit irrationally jealous that Echo has touched her Clarke. 

“That’s my cue.” Echo mumbles, still joking with Clarke. “See you at the party Woods.” Echo calls out behind her shoulder as she walks to her car.

Once Echo is gone, Clarke leans up and presses a tender kiss to Lexa’s lips. “Mm Hi baby.” Clarke mumbles before kissing Lexa again. Clarke eventually tries to pull away but Lexa pulls her back in for another long sweet kiss.

“No.” Lexa pouts against Clarke’s lips. The blonde chuckles. “Oh you haven’t had enough yet?” Clarke whispers against her lips.

“Never.” Lexa growls, pulling Clarke impossibly closer.

“Sixth period under the bleachers wasn’t enough for you?” Clarke huskily says and Lexa shivers. Both Lexa and Clarke have 6th free so they always go under the bleachers and makeout...a lot.

Lexa has a dopey smile on her face, thinking back to Clarke’s lips sucking love marks on her neck. Clarke is like _really_ good at grinding. 

“Earth to Lexa?” Clarke chuckles at her oh so horny girlfriend. Girlfriend. Clarke still can’t believe she’s Lexa’s girlfriend. On the train ride back from NYC, Lexa asked Clarke to be her girlfriend. Of course Clarke said yes. Lexa is still grieving. There’s no denying that. But just this week, she started seeing a therapist after Clarke encouraged her to. Clarke thinks it will do a lot of good for Lexa. She’s been through so much.

“Sorry. I was just thinking about how good you make me feel.” Lexa sweetly says.

“Such a charmer.” Clarke teases, holding out her hand for Lexa to hold. “Come on, I want some dinner and nice long shower before the party.”

“Mm I’d like a nice long shower too.” Lexa jokes and Clarke bites her lip to hide the smile. They still haven’t had sex yet. Only makeouts. It’s not that Clarke isn’t ready. She absolutely is. She just wants to wait until she knows for sure that Lexa is okay. The basketball player has been through so much these past few weeks. Clarke just wants to be there for her.

///

The party is fun and filled with alcohol. Clarke is sure to keep Lexa away from Ontari and Echo. She knows Lexa is jealous about Echo. Lexa isn’t obvious about it and she’s never said anything to Clarke because she knows it’s not her place, but Clarke can still notice the little glints of jealous in Lexa’s eyes when Echo teases Clarke.

Clarke and Lexa leave the party early and go back to Clarke’s house. Beatrice left while Lexa was in NYC. The whole legal process has been very smooth actually. Lexa and Laurel’s lawyer is very smart (although very _very_ expensive). He filed Lexa’s emancipation papers immediately after she got home from the city. Jake also signed on to be Lexa’s financial and legal guardian for the time being until Lexa’s emancipation could be cleared. Jake allows Lexa to sleep in Clarke’s room during this time _but_ the door always has to be open. 

However, tonight Jake is staying over his lovely new girlfriend Indra’s house. That means Lexa and Clarke have the house to themselves. 

Clarke pushes Lexa on top of the bed as soon as they make their ways up the stairs. Lexa plops onto the plush mattress and hungrily watches as Clarke crawls up her body. Clarke feels like tonight is finally the night. It just feels right.

Clarke takes off her top while straddling Lexa. Lexa’s eyes widen. This is the first time she’s seen Clarke without a shirt on.

“Clarke..” Lexa says in awe. Lexa takes a big gulp.

“I’ve fallen in love with you.” Lexa didn’t realize those words were coming out of her mouth until they do. Clarke’s seductive smirk falls and is replaced with a soft sincere smile.

“Really?” Clarke says so sweetly that Lexa’s heart feels like it’s going to burst.

“Really.” Lexa says surely and pulls Clarke in for a kiss.

“I love you too.” Clarke whispers before unhooking her own bra. Lexa’s grip on Clarke’s waist tightens when she sees Clarke’s beautiful naked breasts and pert pink nipples for the first time. 

“Are we gonna..I mean are you ready now?” Lexa asks awkwardly. Clarke chuckles at her adorkable girlfriend.

“I want to… that is if you wan-” 

“Yea!” Lexa squeaks out and shakes her head vigorously. She clears her throat and calms herself down. _You’re acting like you’re an overexcited virgin Lexa. Calm down. _“I mean absolutely. I love you.” Lexa says softly before rolling them over so she’s on top.__

“I love you too. This feels right. You feel right.” Clarke says softly as Lexa kisses down her chest, taking one of her breasts in her mouth. Clarke sighs out happily, threading her fingers in Lexa’s unkempt brown curls.

Lexa spends a very very long amount of time worshipping Clarke’s breasts with her tongue and fingers. Clarke’s panties are soaked through and through. Lexa’s wet tongue swirling around her nipple causes the most pleasant of tingles to hit her core. Clarke’s legs wrap around Lexa’s waist and pull her girlfriend’s body impossibly closer. 

Lexa starts grinding her bulge into Clarke’s center and the blonde mewls at the overload of sensation. Her breathing is heavier. She doesn’t think she can take another second of this teasing but she’s also too shy to voice that she wants more. Thankfully, Lexa can read her like an open book.

“More?” Lexa asks gently. Clarke smiles and nods. “Yes please.” Clarke sweetly says, her voice husky with lust.

“Okay yeah. Yeah.” Lexa mumbles excitedly, seemingly more to herself than to Clarke. Clarke giggles until Lexa takes her top off revealing her perfect abs and breasts. Clarke loses her breath.

Lexa takes off her bra and her pants eagerly before slowing unbuttoning Clarke’s pants. Clarke is panting really fast in Lexa’s ear as the girl slides her hand into her soaked panties.

“Wow.” Lexa mumbles hotly against Clarke’s skin. Clarke is breathing heavy, her chest moving up and down with each breath. Lexa rubs Clarke’s clit slowly and softly. A few seconds later, Clarke is whimpering in her ear. 

“That feels…” Clarke mumbles. “Good..really good.”

Lexa smiles at the girl squirming below her. Lexa is a little ball of nerves. She’s pleasured many _many_ women before, but this is different. This is Clarke. She wants her first time to be perfect. That puts a lot of pressure on a girl.

“You like what I’m doing to you?” Lexa whispers softly. Clarke nods, her eyes shut and lips smacking together.

“Can..can you do more?” Clarke asks shyly, a deep blush hitting her cheeks. Lexa’s eyes widen a bit but she mumbles out a ‘yeah.’ This is really happening. She’s going to have sex with Clarke. She’s going to be Clarke’s first. Lexa gulps. She’s nervous but excited. This doesn’t feel like just sex. It feels like something much bigger, something Lexa just can’t put her finger on.

Clarke’s eyes flutter open when Lexa pulls her fingers out of Clarke’s panties. Clarke stares lustfully at her girlfriend on top of her. The basketball player sits up a little so she can pull of Clarke’s panties and jeans in on motion. The only barrier left now is Lexa’s boxers.

Lexa gets back on top of Clarke and kisses her softly. Everything about this moment is tinged with sweetness.

“Are we really doing this?” Lexa asks breathlessly as she grinds into Clarke. Lexa groans when she feels Clarke’s wetness soak through her own boxers. Lexa is a bit nervous. If just grinding with Clarke feels _this_ good, then what will being inside Clarke feel like. Lexa hopes she can last long enough to please her amazing loving girlfriend.

“Y-yeah.” Clarke stutters out, her nerves starting to get to her. She’s so inexperienced compared to the girls that Lexa is used to being with. What if Lexa gets bored? What if she doesn’t enjoy herself. All these thoughts decide to strike Clarke right now.

Lexa senses the change in the air and stops completely. She settles on top of Clarke and pushes back the sweaty few stray strands of blonde hair littering Clarke’s face.

“What’s wrong, love?” Lexa asks worriedly. Clarke bites her lip, contemplating if she should tell Lexa. Clarke wants to always be honest with Lexa though so she decided to just rip the bandaid off.

“I’m worried that I’m not going to be as good as you’re used to.” Clarke says sadly, refusing to look Lexa in the eye. Lexa’s heart immediately aches.

“Clarke, I love you.” Lexa cups Clarke’s cheeks tenderly. “I love you so much. This isn’t just sex to me. This is so much more.” Lexa presses her lips to Clarke’s forehead, keeping her lips there for a few seconds. “I know I’ve been with other people, but please just..” Lexa sighs out. “They don’t compare to you. They will never compare to you. This is already better than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. I promise.”

“You’re perfect.” Clarke smiles softly and pulls Lexa into a loving kiss. Lexa breaks the kiss and looks down at her love.

“While we are on the subject though, I um - well I am nervous too.” Lexa awkwardly stutters out.

“Why baby?” The term of endearment falls out of Clarke’s mouth and it causes sparks to bloom in Lexa’s chest.

“I just...I want to please you. I want this to be..perfect. What if you have expectations I can’t meet?” Lexa mumbles and it’s Clarke’s turn to battle Lexa’s insecurities.

“Lexa Woods, I wish you could see what you do to me.” Clarke says quietly. “The only expectation I have is that I share this moment with you. Nothing else matters okay?” Clarke rasps out and Lexa nods. “We are thinking entirely too much with our heads.”

“Head over heart.” Lexa mumbles under her breath.

“What?”

“I always used to say ‘head over heart.’ It was sort of like my motto.” Lexa says quietly.

“Well not anymore okay?” Clarke says gently and Lexa smiles wide.

“Not anymore.” Lexa whispers before diving in for another kiss. With their insecurities successfully washed away, Clarke’s hands start to wander down Lexa’s bare back settling on her lover’s ass. 

“Can I take off my boxers?” Lexa asks sweetly and excitedly. Clarke bites her lip and nods. 

Lexa’s dick springs out of her boxers and Clarke marvels at it. It’s average, maybe a little bigger than average. Lexa’s v-line is hot and leads to a perfectly manicured trail of brown curls. Lexa smiles sheepishly under Clarke’s gaze.

“Can I touch..?” Clarke trails off and Lexa nods softly, secretly exploding with eagerness inside.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing.” Clarke mumbles as she grips the shaft of Lexa’s dick. Lexa moans softly at the sudden touch. Lexa is on top of Clarke with her dick pressed in between them.

“Do whatever feels right.” Lexa says softly, letting Clarke take the lead where she wants this to go. Clarke nods and starts slowly pumping Lexa’s dick, twisting her hand a little at the end. Lexa groans and burrows her head into Clarke’s neck as pleasure besieges her.

“Am I doing this okay?” Clarke asks curiously.

“So good.” Lexa grunts out, her voice muffled by Clarke’s neck. Lexa starts sucking on Clarke’s neck. Between Lexa’s wet lips on her skin and touching Lexa so intimately, Clarke can feel her wetness spreading more and more.

“Clarke..” Lexa moans out loudly, her body overwhelmed with pleasure. “I’m gonna come soon.” Lexa weakly warns. Lexa bites Clarke’s neck playfully and the blonde gasps out in surprise. Clarke gently stops her movements and Lexa whines slightly. Lexa smiles sweetly, her eyes crowded with lust.

“You’re good at that.” Lexa mumbles before eagerly reattaching their lips together. Clarke feels pride for pleasing Lexa so well. Lexa sucks on Clarke’s bottom lip hard as Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa’s waist. Lexa’s cock makes contact with Clarke’s soaked center. The basketball player’s hips jerk and grunts out in bliss.

“Fuck, we need a condom.” Lexa groans out, her body on fire. Clarke is so wet for her. 

“Top drawer.” Clarke moans out. She may have never had sex but she’s always prepared just in case. Okay okay, she may have bought a box of condoms last week. She knew her and Lexa would have sex soon enough.

Lexa leans over and pulls out a condom from the drawer. She carefully rips the foil open and places the condom on her member. Lexa rubs her dick through Clarke’s folds before aligning with her girlfriend’s entrance. Lexa starts to push her member in, taking Clarke’s virginity. Clarke lets out a loud moan mixed between the feeling of being full and a slight stinging sensation. Lexa groans loudly. Clarke’s walls are already pulsing and pulling her in. The blonde is so tight. Lexa slowly pushes her whole length in and forces herself to still so Clarke can get used to the fullness.

“Is this okay baby?” Lexa moans out. 

“Mhm yeah. You can move.” Clarke whimpers out, her nails already making a mark on Lexa’s back. Lexa starts moving expertly, in and out, in and out.

“Wrap your legs around me again.” Lexa softly demands and Clarke obliges. The feeling is so much better. Lexa starts hitting _the_ spot. She knows it because Clarke is screaming out her name. Lexa’s moans are much softer and quieter, reveling in the sounds of Clarke’s pleasure. Lexa is going slow, cherishing every moment of being inside Clarke.

Both of their orgasms are so close. Lexa moves faster and faster, the sound of hips meeting and wet skin slapping together fills the air. The bedpost starts to slam against the wall as Clarke’s moans reach an all time high. Lexa is grunting and panting out ‘I love you’ in one of Clarke’s cute little ears. They come together, with swollen lips and sweat beading down their bodies. Lexa pecks Clarke’s lips while the blonde’s eyes are shut and her smile is dreamy. Lexa carefully pulls out of the blonde. Lexa looks at the condom and sees a few specks of blood.

“I’ll be right back love.” Lexa kisses Clarke’s cheek tenderly and the blonde nods affectionately.

Lexa gets up and cleans herself off in the bathroom before returning with a warm wet towel and cleaning Clarke off as well. Once all is said and done, Lexa collapses on the bed next to Clarke.

“Hi.” Clarke cutely says and Lexa chuckles, caressing the blonde’s cheeks.

“Hi back.” Lexa says sweetly, her heart filled with such love.

“Mmm we just had sex.” Clarke says, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Yeah.” Lexa mumbles with a dumb smile on her face. “It was perfect. You’re perfect.”

Clarke smiles at her words and leans up a little to press a quick soft kiss to Lexa’s lips. And in this moment, everything _is_ indeed perfect. Two girls head over heels in love, open and honest and baring their souls to one another. They’re in a love story like those of fairytales and fantasies. But what happens when reality seeps in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it might now seem like it but Lexa is still grieving. We will see that in chapters to come. I'm afraid there will still be lots and lots and lots of more angst to come. BUT this is a angst with a happy ending story. Clexa will prevail.
> 
> Comments, kudos, and reads are appreciated!


	18. Can't Lexa Ever Catch a Break?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa kiss a bit. Laurel makes an appearance. Drama hits the Clexa ship!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!

Clarke and Lexa spend the next week inseparable. Every second they have free, they spend it together. All their friends constantly make fun of them but they don’t care. 

Wednesday rolls around and Clarke and Lexa haven’t had sex since Sunday. Clarke and Lexa decide to go over to Lexa and Laurel’s house after school. They don’t have practice so they decide to go hang out there.

Lexa misses living with her sister. She knows this setup of living with Clarke is only temporary until she gets emancipated so she doesn’t mind it. She loves living with Clarke but she also misses her sister.

“Hey you two.” Laurel chirps out, looking up from her book. Laurel squealed when she heard that Clarke and Lexa got together. It turns out they didn’t need her help getting together after all.

“Hey Laur.” Lexa says smiling, going to hug her sister. They see each other in school all the time but it’s still so weird not seeing her at home too.

Clarke comes up and hugs Laurel next. Lexa is no longer jealous of Clarke and Laurel, knowing that their friendship is completely platonic. Lexa is secure in her relationship with Clarke. She knows it’s early but she really loves the blonde. And Clarke loves her too. The thought of Clarke loving her brings a smile to the basketball player’s face.

“I’m going out in a bit.” Laurel mentions casually.

“Oh yeah where?” Lexa says with a smirk on her face. Laurel’s face grows a little red.

“I’m going to study with this girl from my history class.” Laurel says with a sweet smile. She pushes her glasses from falling off her nose. “We have a test coming up.”

“Mm? What’s the mystery girl’s name?” Lexa asks, enjoying teasing her sister. 

“Maggie.” Laurel says with a blush on her face. “She’s nice.”

“Wait Maggie? This isn’t the same Maggie who writes for the school paper, is it?” Lexa says.

“Yeah it is.” Laurel says slowly. “Why?”

“Nothing, she’s hot.” Lexa teases, trying to get a rise out of her sister. Clarke lightly punches her arm.

“Did you forget that your _girlfriend_ is right next to you?” Clarke says, pretending to be annoyed.

“I was just kidding. I’m sorry baby.” Lexa says with a pout on her face. Clarke just huffs and folds her arms. “Please, I’m sorry.”

Clarke pretends to scowl and Lexa just whines. “Clarkeeeee, I didn’t mean to upset you. Here let me make it up to you. How can I make it up to you?”

Clarke just chuckles. Lexa looks at her suspiciously. “Were you messing with me?”

Clarke bites her lip and nods. “You’re cute.” Clarke leans up and kisses the pout off Lexa’s mouth.

“Wow you’re whipped Lex.” Laurel says and Lexa pouts some more, mumbling about how she’s going to go take a shower. Clarke smiles and sits down next to Laurel.

“Soo who’s Maggie?” Clarke teases, waggling her eyebrows up and down. Laurel giggles.

“She’s a new friend.” Laurel says quietly. “We’ll see what happens.” Laurel shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. Secretly though, she’s buzzing with nerves. Clarke smiles.

“Well I’m happy for you.” Clarke says sincerely. Laurel has become a good friend to her.

“So..how are things going with you and my sister?” Laurel says with a devious smile on her face.

“Good..really good actually...well we’ve gotten closer lately.” Clarke says with a blush on her face and Laurel’s eyes widen.

“Oh wow. So you two have..?” Laurel trails off and Clarke bites her lip. 

“Yeah..Saturday was the first time.” Clarke mumbles with a blush on her face.

“Wow...wow well I don’t really like thinking about my little sister like _that_..but was it everything you were expecting?”

“It was so amazing. She was so..soo sweet and gentle and just perfect.” Clarke beams and Laurel fake pukes. 

“Who knew that my sister could be such a romantic.” Laurel teases.

“I did.” Clarke mumbles sweetly and Laurel smiles softly. Clarke really is perfect for Lexa, and so it seems, Lexa is the same for Clarke.

///

Lexa and Clarke are doing homework on Lexa’s bed. Laurel left about a half away ago to go study history with her crush. Clarke is really really horny. It’s amazing. She never felt horny a day in her life until she met Lexa. Clarke scoots a little closer to Lexa and the brunette smiles.

Clarke closes her book and starts kissing Lexa’s neck. Lexa shuts her eyes and sighs out. Lexa angles her head so she can passionately kiss Clarke. Lexa rolls on top of Clarke and takes of her muscle tee, revealing her toned abs and a sports bra.

Clarke bites her lip. She loves Lexa’s body. Clarke’s one hand moves down Lexa’s body, feeling her abs, going lower and lower until she’s rubbing Lexa’s dick through her sweatpants.

“Fuck..” Lexa mumbles. “Oh fuck..” Lexa feels all the blood rushing to one particular member. Clarke smiles onto her skin. Lexa sucks on Clarke’s collarbone before shedding her girlfriend’s top. The blonde kisses Lexa feverishly. 

They had lots of sex this weekend. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast. Jake was really busy at the office so they had the house to themselves for the most part. It was amazing to not only be physically close but emotionally close as well. Neither girl has ever felt anything like it.

Lexa jerks her hips, eager for more contact. Lexa pulls down Clarke’s bra and sucks on the blonde’s nipples. The blonde moans out softly at the wet lips wrapping around her hardening pink nubs.

Lexa places a soft kiss on Clarke’s breast before completely taking off the blonde’s bra followed by her own. Clothes are shed and hands roam. Heavy breaths and panting fills the air.

Lexa and Clarke are completely naked with Lexa fingering Clarke. The sound of wet skin slapping as Lexa pushes her two fingers in and out of Clarke’s pussy fills the air.

“Lex..” Clarke softly moans out, her back arching. Lexa kisses Clarke’s neck. “I’m here ai niron.” Lexa mumbles against Clarke’s overheated skin. Clarke comes hard, pulsing around Lexa’s fingers a moment later.

“Can I try something?” Clarke asks shyly once she recovers from her intense orgasm. Clarke is burrowed deep in Lexa’s embrace.

“Of course love.” Lexa sweetly says, curious to what Clarke wants to try. Clarke removes herself from Lexa’s warm embrace and slowly kisses down Lexa’s chest. Lexa’s eyes flutter close at the sensation.

“Clarke..” Lexa whimpers out, feeling her erection rub against Clarke’s stomach. Clarke is doing wonders with her mouth wrapped around one of Lexa’s breasts. The brunette can’t help but move her hips softly against Clarke’s bare skin.

Soon enough, Clarke scoots down lower on Lexa’s body until her lips are oh so close to her girlfriend’s dick. Lexa gasps out from underneath Clarke as soon as she realizes what Clarke wants to try.

“Are you sure baby?” Lexa whispers gently. Clarke looks at her and nods.

“I might not be good at it.” Clarke mumbles insecurely.

“Everything you do is good.” Lexa says lovingly. Clarke blushes furiously and bites back her wide grin.

Clarke wraps her perfect wet lips around Lexa’s tip and the basketball player groans quietly. Clarke takes more and more of Lexa in her mouth, reaching all the way to her throat. _Clarke is really fucking good at this._ Lexa moans loud as soon as Clarke’s mouth sucks and starts bobbing, taking her in so good.

“Oh..ugh...yes Clarke!” Lexa moans and moves her hips up slightly as Clarke sets a maddening pace. Lexa doesn’t think she has ever felt this good. Lexa has had lots and lots of sex but for some reasons she never liked receiving blowjobs..well before this that is. 

Lexa always thought blowjobs were too intimate or something. And she didn’t like the idea of someone she barely knew going down on her. Costia is the only other person who has given her one before and it certainly didn’t feel like _this_.

Lexa feels her balls tightening and she realizes she’s really close to coming embarrassingly quick.

“B-baby..yes oh my god...I’m gonna - fuck Clarke! I’m gonna come.” Lexa moans out loudly, trying to warn Clarke that she’s close. Clarke doesn’t stop though. Lexa’s one hand is firmly in Clarke’s hair, holding onto the blonde’s hair like a lifeline. Clarke loves this side of Lexa, the totally uninhibited side. 

Lexa’s back arches and her other hand tightly grasps the sheets. Lexa screams out Clarke’s name and several expletives as she comes in her girlfriend’s mouth. Clarke takes in all of her before removing her mouth and lightly kissing the tip.

Lexa’s eyes are half lidded, watching dreamily as Clarke crawls back up her body. Lexa kisses Clarke languidly, not caring that she can taste her own essence on Clarke’s lips. 

She loves her girlfriend and her girlfriend loves her back. They are in a love bubble, their relationship’s honeymoon period. Little do they know, it’s all about to come crashing down.

///

It’s after school on Thursday. Lexa just got out of practice and is heading toward the locker room to go shower. She’s exhausted and can’t wait to go back to Clarke’s and take a nap with her love in her arms. Clarke has been so amazing. 

“Lexa.” A familiar voice calls out her name. Lexa turns around and sees a nervous looking Mercedes walk towards her. Lexa’s facial features scrunch up. She hasn’t talk to Mercedes in weeks since they ended their little tryst.

“Whatsup?” Lexa asks casually, eager to end the conversation and get back to Clarke.

“Can we talk for a sec?” Mercedes asks nervously.

“Uhh-” Lexa checks her phone. “I guess..I’m kinda in a rush.”

“I’m pregnant.” Mercedes blurts out and Lexa’s eyes widen. The basketball player's heart starts beating fast.

“W-what?” Lexa stutters out. “It’s..it’s not mine...right?”

“It’s yours.” Mercedes says evenly, refusing to look at Lexa. “I haven’t been with anyone else in months.”

“What?..N-no we used protection. I always use protection.” Lexa splutters out.

“Well it’s not always effective.” Mercedes sighs out. Lexa stands there in shock. This can’t be happening.

“Are you sure?” Lexa says quietly and Mercedes nods sadly.

“Yes.. And I am keeping the baby.” Mercedes says calmly. Lexa moves to lean on the wall for support.

“I... I can’t deal with this right now.” Lexa is freaking out.

“Lexa we have to talk about this. It’s your baby too.” 

“I just...I can’t do this right now Mercedes!” Lexa shouts as she stumbles into the bathroom, on the verge of a panic attack. Lexa runs into the empty locker room and hunches over, breathing heavily in and out. She just got Clarke, the love of her life. Everything was finally looking up and now she’s going to have a baby. A baby.

Lexa can barely take care of herself let alone another human being. And she’s having this baby with some girl she barely knows, a girl she doesn’t love. Lexa forces her breathing to slow. She takes a shower, numb. Head over heart. Head over heart. 

She can’t tell Clarke..not yet. Their relationship is still so new and this might destroy them. She loves Clarke. She doesn’t want to disappoint her. But she doesn’t want to lie to her either. She will tell her..eventually. But first, Lexa needs to figure out what this means for herself.

///

“Hey baby. I was waiting for you after soccer practice but you never showed.” Clarke said as she sketched on her bed. Lexa is silent, putting her duffle bag in the corner of the room.

“Sorry. I was talking to coach.” Lexa mumbled, her mind somewhere else.

“Oh okay. Come here. I’ve missed you all day.” Clarke says seductively. Lexa smiles softly but inside she’s freaking out. Lexa obliges and lays down on the bed next to Clarke. Clarke puts down her sketchbook and lays down next to Lexa.

“Talk to me. Tell me about your day.” Lexa says softly, desperate to talk about anything else than what’s on her mind.

“Nothing crazy. Mr. Jeffreys assigned me a photography spot in the next gallery showing.” Clarke says offhandedly and Lexa smiles.

“That’s great baby.” Lexa says sweetly, genuinely excited for her girlfriend. She is sick to her stomach though. She hates lying to Clarke. Lexa loves how honest they are with each other. She’s terrified that Clarke will leave her though. Lexa doesn’t want to disappoint Clarke.

“What’s wrong? I can tell something is off.” Clarke says gently, pushing the hair out of Lexa’s face.

“I just..” Lexa sighs deeply. “I miss Laurel.” Lexa lies weakly, a sad smile on her face. Clarke has a look of understanding on her face.

“Well how about you stay over there for the night? My dad won’t mind. Maybe you need a sister’s night.”

“Yeah maybe.” Lexa mumbles. She kisses Clarke goodbye before she hops on her bike and starts driving, except she doesn’t drive home. 

“Lexa?”

“I fucked up.” 

///

“Hey Laurel, how’s Lexa?” Clarke asks worriedly after class. Lexa hasn’t responded to her texts ever since she left Clarke’s last night. She figured her and Laurel were having a sisters night but she knew something else was wrong that Lexa didn’t want to tell her.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since yesterday afternoon when you two went back to your place. Why? Is she okay?” Laurel says now concerned. Clarke’s face pales.

“You mean, she didn’t come stay at your house last night?” Clarke says anxiously.

“No Clarke, she didn’t. What’s going on? You’re freaking me out.” Laurel pulls out her phone and dials Lexa’s phone. It goes straight to voicemail.

“Well she seemed bothered by something last night. I thought since she didn’t want to talk to me about it, maybe she’d talk to you. Now I’m worried though because she was suppose to stay the night at your house. Where is she?” Clarke starts to freak out. Is Lexa okay? Where is she? Is she in a ditch somewhere?

“Lexa.” Laurel says Lexa’s name like a curse. “She does this a lot Clarke. Lexa likes to run away from her problems.”

“But she’s been doing better. She trusts me. We - we talk about everything.” Clarke mumbles sadly, tears forming in her eyes. “What if she’s hurt?”

“I’ll call her again. But Lexa usually does this when life gets to be too much for her to handle.” Laurel pulls Clarke into a hug, calming her a tad.

By lunch, Clarke is a nervous wreck. Finally, by last period Clarke gets a text from Laurel. Lexa texted Laurel that she’s okay and at a friend’s. Clarke is relieved that Lexa is safe and wasn’t in some crazy motorcycle accident. Clarke’s stomach shifts into knots still.

Where is Lexa? Who is this friend she’s staying with? What happened that Lexa can’t trust Clarke with? Clarke wipes away her tears and hurries outside once the bell rings. 

Not paying attention to her surroundings, Clarke runs into someone and their books go flying.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Here let me help you.” Clarke bends and picks up the other girl’s books. A baby sonogram picture falls from the other girl’s folder. Clarke looks curiously.

“Sorry, you dropped this too.” Clarke looks up and sees the girl is none other than Mercedes, the girl Lexa used to sleep with. 

“Clarke, hi.” Mercedes says with a smirk on her face. “Do you mind giving that to Lexa for me? I think she’ll want it.” Mercedes winks and walks away. Clarke stands there helpless and confused. Why would Mercedes want Lexa to have a -

Oh. Clarke gets it. This is what Lexa was upset about last night. This is what Lexa felt like she couldn’t tell Clarke. This is why she ran off.

And so the shit storm begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to drop a spoiler in here because I know y'all are about to hit me with a dose of unhappy haha. Mercedes' baby is NOT Lexa's. There are reasons why she is lying and they will be brought to light. Also, Lexa did NOT cheat when she stayed 'with a friend.' Neither girl will be with anyone else while they are in a relationship with one another. I hope this is good news despite the seeds of drama that were just planted in this chapter.
> 
> Like I've said before, this story is angst with a happy ending. Clexa will be together in the end and forever happily ever after. There will be a few bumps along the road though. A whole lotta angst. But hopefully you all enjoy the ride. And there will still be fluff thrown in the story as well.
> 
> I know it's annoying that Lexa ran off and didn't communicate with Clarke, but she's not perfect. She can't make a 360 change. Lexa is used to running when things get hard. And right now, she feels like her world is crumbling. She thinks that if she tells Clarke, that the blonde will leave her just like everyone else does. You'll see what happens though. Lexa will eventually learn not only how to communicate consistently but to never run from her problems again (but that's all in due time).
> 
> Enjoy! Would love to hear comments (good and bad). Also, good job to Leelan22 for guessing a lot of the plot twists in this fic. Looks like we had a lot of the same ideas on this one haha.


	19. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke talk quite a bit. Clarke isn't very happy with all the lying. Mercedes asks a small favor from our favorite basketball player.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes.

Lexa walks into Clarke’s house slowly and hesitantly. She knows Clarke must be pissed at her for dodging her texts and lying about where she stayed last night. She wants to make up for it but she’s still not ready to tell Clarke the truth. She’s scared.

“Clarke?” Lexa knocks on her girlfriend’s bedroom door and walks in. Clarke is in the middle of changing. Her bare back is toward the door. She’s wearing her cute pajama shorts and in the middle of picking out a top. Lexa gulps at her half naked girlfriend.

Clarke turns around and looks uninterested. She rolls her eyes and goes back to her tasks of finding a pajama top.

“I know you’re mad I lied to you but I have a good reason.” Lexa starts out. Clarke scoffs.

“I’m listening.” Clarke says firmly as she throws on a baggy sleep shirt. She looks so cute, Lexa thinks. But that’s not a thought for right now.

“I just needed some air. I’m dealing with a lot right now.” Lexa responds truthfully. Clarke sits on the bed and pats the space next to her. Lexa hurries to sit down.

“I know Lex. But you need to trust me.” Clarke says softly with sad eyes. “This relationship won’t work unless you do.”

“I do trust you Clarke.” Lexa said eagerly and honestly. She doesn’t want Clarke to think she doesn’t trust her.

“I know you’re grieving.” Clarke says gently, caressing Lexa’s face. Lexa closes her eyes to the touch. “If that’s what last night was about, I’ll understand. But it wasn’t was it?” Clarke says knowingly.

“I - uh…” Lexa stutters out. Her throat feels like it’s closing up. “It’s complicated Clarke.” Lexa mumbles before getting up and pacing the room anxiously.

“Tell me Lexa.” Clarke says firmly.

“I just freaked out a bit last night that’s all.” Lexa says waving it off. “So much has been on - on my plate and I just needed space.” Her words feel bitter. She hates lying to Clarke but she’s just not ready yet.

Lexa watches Clarke’s face turn from one of understanding to cold and angry. Clarke shakes her head and looks away from Lexa. Suddenly, the room feels like it’s freezing. Clarke gets up and walks to her backpack slowly.

“Clarke?” Lexa asks, unsure of what Clarke is doing. Clarke grabs a piece of paper from her bag and hands it to Lexa.

“I was told to give this to you. I’m assuming you know who it’s from.” Clarke says blankly. Lexa takes it confused. Then she looks at the picture and sees the sonogram. _Fucking Mercedes._

“Clarke..” Lexa gasps out, struggling to explain herself. “I can explain..I-”

“I wanted to give you a chance to tell me yourself, but you seem intent on lying to me.” Clarke says with her voice eerily calm and even.

“Clarke, listen I’m-”

“And who did you stay with last night?” Clarke cuts her off again. “Did you stay with _her_?” Clarke adds such venom into the last word. Lexa knows she’s talking about Mercedes.

“No! Clarke, I haven’t talked to Mercedes since I ended things weeks ago. And - and then she came up to me yesterday while I was on my way to the locker room and she told me about the -” Lexa shuts her eyes, not ready to say these words. “About our baby then.”

Clarke closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Lexa, she could be lying.” Clarke sighs out. “You need a paternity test.”

“I know. I’ll get one once the baby is born..but Clarke, this is probably my baby. I - I can’t just...abandon it. It’s mine too. I’m sorry I lied to you. I was going to tell you I swear but I - I needed time. I was scared how you were going to react.”

Clarke’s eyes widen at that. She’s kept calm this whole time until now. How she’d react?! When has she ever given Lexa any reason to believe she couldn’t come to her? She has been nothing but supportive of Lexa and now Lexa is saying she’s scared of how she’d react. 

“Scared of how I was going to react?! That’s a copout and you know it Lexa.” Clarke says, clearly pissed off.

“I don’t want to lose you. I - I can’t lose you Clarke..You’re everything to me.” Lexa says, getting emotional.

“You shouldn’t have lied to me then.” Clarke sighs out, rubbing her temples to get rid of her headache.

Lexa swallows back her tears and approaches Clarke. “Please baby..”

“Don’t ‘please baby’ me Lexa.” Clarke snaps. “You really fucked up okay? The one thing I value more than anything else is honesty. I need to be able to trust you and I’m not so sure I can do that right now.”

Lexa nods sadly, looking insecurely at her feet. “You’re right. I fucked up. I broke your trust. H-how can I fix this?” 

Clarke looks at Lexa unsurely while biting on her lip. “I love you Lex. I need you to be honest with me from now on, okay?”

“Absolutely. I promise.” Lexa nods eagerly. She looks unsure for a moment. “Can I maybe hug you?”

Clarke’s anger melts for a second. Lexa looks so cute and so vulnerable. How can she refuse her lil raccoon?

“Of course you can.” Clarke says gently, opening up her arms. Lexa hurries into her embrace and the tears slowly fall from her cheeks.

“She’s pregnant Clarke..” Lexa mumbles, her face buried in Clarke’s neck. Clarke is still so mad at lexa but she still has to be there for Lexa. Lexa needs her and she’ll be damned if she isn’t here when her girlfriend needs her.

“I know. You’re gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.” Clarke softly says. Lexa sniffles quietly, gathering the courage to ask her next question.

“Are we gonna be okay?” Lexa’s voice cracks. She sounds so sad, so vulnerable and it breaks Clarke’s heart.

“I hope so..I want us to be okay, more than anything.” Clarke replies truthfully. “But I’m angry right now... And I’d like for you to leave.”

Lexa tenses up in her embrace. “Clarke?” Lexa whispers worriedly. Clarke wants to her leave. How can they fix this if she leaves?

“I’m just really mad Lex. I never gave you any reason not to trust me. I know this isn’t about me or even our relationship but it still bothers me that you didn’t come to me. So tonight, you sleep on the couch.” Clarke says gently but firmly. Lexa is sad but she understands.

“If that’s what you need, then I completely understand.” Lexa mumbles, separating herself from Clarke’s embrace. Lexa rubs her arms, suddenly cold and absent from Clarke’s hug. Clarke nods and looks away from Lexa. This isn’t right. Lexa feels sick to her stomach. 

The basketball player grabs her pajamas and heads towards the door.

“Goodnight Clarke. I love you.” Lexa says sadly and Clarke smiles softly.

“I love you too Lex. Goodnight.”

Neither of them can fall asleep that night.

///

The next day, Jake drops Clarke and Lexa off at school. He knows something is wrong since Lexa slept on the couch last night. This morning, the car ride was eerily silent. He’ll ask Clarke what’s wrong later.

Clarke walks into the school with Lexa hurrying to catch up to her. Clarke didn’t even give her a good morning kiss. Lexa knows she’s fucked up. Lying to Clarke was a horrible idea. All she wants is to make it right between her and Clarke.

“I have to talk to Echo about rides to the away game so I’ll see you at lunch.” Clarke says to Lexa as soon as they walk into the school. Lexa nods.

“Oh okay. Have a good morning baby. Love you.” Lexa calls out as Clarke walks away. Lexa swallows down her sadness. _Clarke is just mad. We’ll be okay. She’s not ending things with you Lexa. She just needs her space. She won’t leave you._

The first few periods pass by slowly for Lexa. Lexa just wants to talk to Clarke during lunch. She hates feeling like her and Clarke aren’t okay. She gets to lunch before any of her friends and sits down at a table waiting for them. Lexa is typing a text out to Clarke when she sees another lunch tray placed across from her. She looks up and its Mercedes.

“What are you doing?” Lexa spats out, confused and annoyed. 

“I figured we should talk about _our_ baby.” Mercedes says in a soft voice, trying to sound sweet.

“Speaking of that, it wasn’t your place to tell my girlfriend.” Lexa grits out. Mercedes feigns surprise.

“I really thought she knew Lex. I’m not trying to ruin your relationship.” Mercedes murmurs softly. “Look, this is really scary for me. My parents are furious and they wanna kick me out. I just..I can’t do this alone. This is your baby. I need…” Mercedes shuts her eyes tightly and wipes her few stray tears away. “I need your help.”

Lexa chews on her lip and looks down. “They really want to kick you out?”

Mercedes wipes at her cheeks and nods, not looking Lexa in the eyes. Lexa curses under her breath. This is her baby too. She can’t let the mother of her child end up on the street.

“What can I do to help?” Lexa asks sympathetically.

“Come meet my parents after school.” Mercedes says hopefully. “They are very religious. They want me to get married to the other parent.”

Lexa’s eyes widen. “Mercedes, I’m not going to-”

“I know that Lex. You made it perfectly clear that you never had or will have feelings for me.” Mercedes mumbles sadly. Lexa narrows her eyes.

“So then what would I say to your parents?” Lexa asks carefully.

“Just tell them that we were dating when we had sex. My parents can’t know what we had was just casual sex, Lexa. It’ll kill my mother.” Mercedes looks desperate. Lexa feels bad for her. She can’t let Mercedes bear all the weight of their mistakes on her own.

“Okay fine. I’ll come over and we can say we were dating but we aren’t anymore.” Lexa grumbles out and Mercedes nods gratefully. “For what it’s worth, I will be here for our child. I know what it feels like to have shitty parents. I’ll never do that to my own child.” Something flashes in Mercedes’ eyes and Lexa can’t exactly tell what it is. It looks a bit like guilt though.

“Thank you Lex. That means the world to me.” Mercedes stutters out sweetly.

“I just..and please take no offense to this Mercedes, but I want a paternity test. I need to be certain that this baby is mine.” Lexa says and Mercedes looks anxious. 

“I wasn’t with anyone else but you for months. But we can get one done once the baby is born. I don’t want to get an amnio. I’d be too worried about the needle and the baby.” Mercedes stutters out nervously.

“Okay yeah. I guess we can wait until the baby is born.” Lexa mumbles out, rubbing her neck. The basketball player looks around and sees her friends paying for their lunches, but no sign of Clarke.

“I think it’s a girl.” Mercedes says after a few moments of silence. Lexa’s head whips around so fast.

“Really?” Lexa says with wide eyes. It’s one thing to know she’s having a baby but talking about sexes makes it all the more real.

“Yeah. I just have an instinct. I like the name Grace. What do you think?” Mercedes says with a smile on her face.

“Uh um Grace is pretty.” Lexa mumbles out. The room suddenly gets very _very_ hot. Talking about names is freaking her out a bit. 

“Lexa.” Octavia greets her friend with a tight lipped smile. Lincoln is right behind her and so is Laurel. Laurel looks at Lexa and Mercedes with a confused face.

“Hey guys. You remember Mercedes right?” Lexa clears her throat, desperately trying to push down the anxiety she feels. The group sings out a chorus of curt yeps.

“Well I should get going.” Mercedes takes her tray and starts to walk away. She turns around and looks at Lexa one last time. “I’ll meet you outside after ninth period, okay?” Mercedes sweetly says and Lexa dumbly nods.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Octavia harshly says. She loves Lexa but Clarke is her best friend too. She doesn’t want to see her get hurt.

“Nothing.” Lexa mumbles, picking at her salad. “Where’s Clarke?” Lexa looks around the cafeteria searching for her girlfriend.

“Not sure. Maybe she saw you making plans with your old hook up and left the cafeteria.” Octavia mumbled and Lexa fumed.

“I don’t need your shit right now O!” Lexa shouted loudly. Surrounding tables got quiet and looked over at their table. Octavia’s eyes widened.

“Lex..” Laurel said gently. “What’s going on?” Laurel is much softer with her approach. Lexa sigh and curses under her breath. She rubs at her temples.

“Mercedes is pregnant.” Lexa sighs out. The whole table is stunned into silence.

“Oh Lexa no..” Laurel gasps out. “Are you sure it’s yours?”

“She said she hasn’t been with anyone in months, but she agreed to take a paternity test once the baby is born.” Lexa said, her voice tired.

“Fuck!” Laurel cursed out. Lexa’s eyes widen. Laurel _never_ curses. “Did you use protection with this girl? Do you even listen when I would talk to you about safe sex?” Laurel’s voice is still soft but disappointed.

“I know, okay! I fucked up. I know this. This is why I didn’t want to tell anyone. This is why I lied to Clarke and stayed at Costia’s the other night. I didn’t want to see that disappointed look that you have on your face on hers! And now-”

“You stayed at Costia’s?” Lexa turns around to see Clarke, clutching angrily onto her lunch tray.

“Clarke..shit, I can explain -” Lexa stumbles and gets up to talk to Clarke. She knows she should have just told Clarke she went over to Costia’s but she was afraid that would upset her girlfriend even more.

“You went to your ex fuckbuddy’s house and stayed the night. You went to some other girl to talk about your issues because you felt like you couldn’t talk about it with your own girlfriend?!” Clarke is fuming. She harshly drops her plate on the lunch table and walks away. Lexa runs to catch up with her in the empty hallway outside of the cafeteria.

“Baby please..wait listen to me -”

“Oh I’ve listened enough Lexa! I told you last night that I _needed_ you to be honest with me for this relationship to work. You should have told me Lexa.” Clarke spats out and Lexa nods solemnly. She just keeps fucking this up with Clarke. 

Lexa isn’t used to dating someone. This is her first relationship. She’s not used to trusting someone the way she trusts Clarke. She just didn’t want to let the girl down but she keeps messing up.

“Fuck I’m so sorry. I’m just-”

“And the worst part of all of this is that you’d rather talk to Costia than me.” Clarke mumbles sadly, wiping at her tears.

“No no, Clarke, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.” Lexa hurries to explain herself. Her heart is beating in her ears. She can’t breathe. She can see Clarke slipping away from her.

“Oh yeah? Then how come you went to her and not me in your worst of moments?” Clarke said sadly. Lexa looks at a loss for words. There’s a beat of silence where Clarke searches Lexa’s eyes for something, anything to prove her words wrong.

“Maybe we rushed into this..” Clarke uses her hands to signal between her and Lexa. “We have such a strong connection but maybe we moved too fast and now we are crashing and burning.” Clarke says sadly and Lexa shakes her head furiously. She refuses to believe this is the end of her and Clarke. They’ve only just begun.

“No wait stop please.” Lexa pulls the emotional blonde in close, gripping her tightly by the waist with their foreheads pressed together. “I keep making mistakes I know. But I love you and you love me. This is right. Feel my heart.” Lexa pulls Clarke’s shaky hand against her chest. Clarke hears the rapid beating of Lexa’s heart. “You do that to me. You are so special to me Clarke. I’m still learning this whole relationship thing. It’s hard for me to let someone in but I’m trying.”

“Lexa, relationships are built on trust. You can’t lie to me and then expect me to automatically forgive you. That’s not the kind of relationship either of us deserve.” Clarke says with a tired voice.

“I know. You deserve the world. You deserve everything. I will never lie to you again, I promise.” Lexa whispers and it weakens Clarke’s resolve. The bell rings and their little emotional bubble is popped when students start to crowd the hall.

“I’m not sure where we stand right now Lex. I need to think about this. I’m hurt. Let’s talk after school okay?” Clarke says gently.

“Um I can’t talk after school.” Lexa mumbles, looking at her feet. Clarke’s face scrunches up in confusion.

“But you don’t have practice..” Clarke trails off.

“Yeah I know..um Mercedes wants me to go meet her parents today.” Lexa says slowly and worriedly. She doesn’t want Clarke to think she was hiding this from her too.

“Oh..” Clarke says surprised. 

“We can talk when I get home?” Lexa asks hopefully. “Mercedes parents want to kick her out and I have to go and talk to them. I have to go. I can’t let her end up on the street.” Lexa says, desperate for Clarke to understand.

Clarke bitterly chuckles and the sound makes Lexa’s stomach turn. She’s used to hearing Clarke’s soft chuckles or rowdy laughs, but not this bitter sad chuckle she just heard from her lover’s lips. “I understand perfectly Lexa. I gotta go. We need to talk about this later when my head is clear and I won't say something I'll regret”

And with that, Clarke drowns into the crowd. Lexa feels like throwing up. Did she just ruin her relationship with the love of her life? Because that’s exactly what Clarke is and Lexa knows it. The love of her life. And Lexa will do anything and everything to fix things with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo yeah the angst is starting up again uhoh. Lexa isn't used to having someone there for her constantly. She's so afraid of messing up and losing Clarke that she is doing exactly that. Let's see if they can turn it around?
> 
> Also, what do y'all think are Mercedes' motives for saying the baby is Lexa's?
> 
> Sound off in the comments below. I'd love to hear your opinions.


	20. I Love You but I Don't Trust You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets Mercedes' parents. Clarke and Lexa talk about all the lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!

“Hey Lex. You ready?” Mercedes chirps out as Lexa walks up to her. Lexa nods slightly.

“Yeah. Let’s go now. I have to meet Clarke after this.” Lexa says as they walk towards Mercedes car. She’s not sure where her and Clarke stand and it scares the shit out of her. She can’t lose Clarke. She’s the love of her life.

Lexa knows she’s made mistakes but she will do whatever it takes to prove to Clarke that she can be better, that is if Clarke gives her a second chance to prove herself.

Mercedes pulls into the driveway of her house. It’s a modest house for Polis but it looks homey. Lexa imagines their little child running around the the patch of green lawn. Lexa bites her lip. She’s actually having a child. It still hasn’t fully sank in yet.

“Ready to do this?” Mercedes asks nervously. Lexa’s eyes widen slightly.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Lexa mumbles as they get out of the car and enter the home. Their is a small dog barking as soon as they enter. It tries to bite at Lexa’s ankles.

“Ouch! You little bi-” 

“Lexa! Don’t curse at Gordo.” Mercedes whispers harshly. “You’re trying to impress my parents and they hate cursing.”

Lexa nods and decided to bite her tongue and play the part she’s suppose to play. 

“Mom? Papa?” Mercedes calls out. Lexa can hear some pots clanking in the kitchen and something smells amazing. Lexa looks on the walls and sees pictures of Mercedes as a child with her two older sisters and her parents. The family looks happy. Her child will at least have some decent family on one side at least.

“Did you bring the one responsible for getting you pregnant?” A gruff voice calls out and Lexa frowns. It’s not her fault Mercedes is pregnant. It’s both of their faults, not just Lexa’s. Lexa looks over to Mercedes and the girl looks apologetic.

The man walks out. He is very muscular and tan with a beard. He looks Lexa up and down in confusion.

“Who is this?” He asks, clearly confused. Mercedes grabs Lexa’s hand and Lexa really wants to pull away but she doesn’t want to do so in front of Mercedes’ father.

“This is Lexa Woods. She’s the baby’s other parent.” Mercedes says carefully. The man is silent with her brows deeply furrowed. 

“Lorelei! Get out here and see what your daughter has done now.” The man curses under his breath.

“What’s wrong with the boy?” Lorelei calls out from the kitchen.

“It’s not a boy. It’s that girl Lexa Woods. You know the one with the..” Mercedes’ father trails off.

“What?!” Lorelei stops cooking and hurries outside. She wipes her hands on her apron and runs out to see her youngest daughter holding hands with Alexandria Woods. 

All of Polis knows of Alexandria Woods. She is one of the daughters’ of the richest family in all of the town. And in a small town like Polis, rumours spread fast. That means that everyone knows that Lexa has a penis. Polis is relatively liberal and Lexa has never been bullied because of her being intersex. 

But she does see the looks sometimes. It seems that Mercedes’ parents are some of those people.

“This has to be a joke.” Mercedes’ father curses under his breath.

“Semet, breathe. You’re going to pop a vein if you keep glaring at the poor girl like that.” Lorelei says calmly but her eyes are furious.

“Sit down, Lexa. We have much to discuss.” Lorelei signals for Lexa and Mercedes to sit on the couch. Lea takes her place next to Mercedes. At least they aren’t holding hands anymore.

“So Lexa, I understand that you have a penis.” Lorelei starts out and her husband, Semet, grumbles.

“Mom!” Mercedes exclaims, very embarrassed by her mother’s frankness. 

“What is it, Mercedes? You obviously are familiar with this aspect of her.” Lorelei says firmly. Her gaze is scary. Mercedes avoids her stare and looks down at the ground, seemingly put in her place. Lorelei directs her attention back to Lexa, awaiting for her answer.

“Uh y-yeah. I’m intersex.” Lexa says quietly and her parents nod. She’s really nervous right now. Mercedes said her parents are very religious. She’s not quite sure how the girl’s parents are going to handle their daughter carrying her baby.

“And you had sex with my daughter?” Lorelei asks carefully. Lexa wordlessly nods. “I want verbal answers, Lexa.”

“Yes ma'am. I did.” Lexa sputters out. There’s a beat of silence where nobody talks.

“And I’m assuming Mercedes isn’t the first person you’ve been sexually intimate with?” Lorelei says and Lexa’s eyes widen.

“No maam.” Lexa says while avoiding Lorelei’s glare.

“And yet you take advantage of my daughter. My daughter who was pure before she started dating you, is this correct?” Lorelei spits out her words like venom and Lexa looks both shocked and confused.

“Wait what? That’s..that’s not true. I didn’t take advantage of Mercedes!” Lexa asserts, gaining her confidence back.

“Mercedes, what is this girl talking about? You told us you were a virgin when you met Lexa. Did you lie to us again?” Semet is angry. He’s been quiet this whole time to make sure he didn’t explode on this Lexa girl.

“Daddy, I promise I - I was. But Lexa..she didn’t take advantage of me. I told you it wasn’t like that. I wanted to.” Mercedes lies and pleads desperately with her father to understand. She was far from a virgin when she met Lexa, but she couldn’t tell her parents that of course.

Both parents just huff. Lorelei puts her hand on her husband’s chest, a signal to him that she will take over talking now.

“Well what’s done is done. This baby cannot be born out of wedlock if we are to support it. You two will have to be married and soon.” Lorelei says firmly. 

“With all due respect, I do not have any intention of marrying your daughter.” Lexa replies evenly, although inside she is freaking out.

“Excuse me?” Semet grits out. “What did you just say?”

“I said I do not plan to marry Mercedes. We made a mistake, yes. I will never leave Mercedes alone in this. I will be here every step of the way and I will support my child emotionally and financially. But I will not marry Mercedes.” Lexa asserts firmly. Mercedes’ parents look furious.

“If you two will not wed, than Mercedes is no longer a daughter of ours.” Semet says gruffly and Lorelei just nods sadly.

“Mama? Mama, tell me you don’t support this.” Mercedes cries desperately. 

“You either marry or you leave. We will not support sinners.” Lorelei says softly, her voice sad but firm on her stance. 

Mercedes begs for some more time but it is no use. Lexa doesn’t know what to do. Mercedes, the mother of her unborn child, was just kicked out of her house. She knows what she has to do. She can’t let her live on the street. She just hopes Clarke can forgive her for this.

///

Laurel is keeps rereading the same line over and over again. Her and Maggie have been study for twenty minutes, or at least trying to. Maggie is so close and she smells so nice. 

“Hey Laurel.” Maggie’s voice is a little timid, maybe even nervous.

“Yeah?” Laurel says breathlessly. Maggie bites her lip before responding.

“I was wondering if we could do try what we did last study session again.” Maggie’s smile is shy but her eyes are shining. Laurel nods eagerly and scoots closer to the girl. When Laurel went over to Maggie’s to study a few days ago, they may or may not have made out a little.

Okay they totally did and ever since then, Laurel can’t stop thinking about the girl and her soft lips. She smiles and cups Maggie’s cheeks, pulling her in close. Their breaths mingle before Maggie presses her lips the rest of the way, kissing the life out of Laurel. Laurel sighs into the kiss.

Life couldn’t get any better than in this moment.

But of course it could get worse.

Laurel hears the front door open and some shuffling.

“Laur!” Lexa calls out. Laurel groans against Maggie’s lips and the other girl chuckles. They press their foreheads together and Maggie caresses one of Laurel’s cheeks.

“Go talk to your sister. I’ll be here studying.” Maggie softly says and Laurel nods. She pecks Maggie’s lips quickly before getting up and going to find Lexa. But Lexa isn’t alone. Mercedes is with her too.

“What’s going on Lex?” Laurel asks cautiously. Lexa is carrying two suitcases with her. Laurel is really hoping this isn’t what it looks like.

“Mercedes is moving in here _temporarily_. Her parents kicked her out.” Lexa says, a little out of breath from carrying Mercedes’ luggage. Laurel’s eyes widen. She throws a polite smile at Mercedes.

“You can go upstairs and make yourself comfortable in the guest room on your left. I have to talk to my sister a bit. If you’ll excuse us.” Laurel says sweetly and Mercedes smiles and scurries upstairs.

Laurel pulls Lexa into the kitchen and looks at her sister worriedly.

“Lexa, what’s going on? You skipped school the other day. You lied to Clarke and stayed at Costia’s. You didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy until today. I’m your sister. You always come to me. What’s going on in your head? Come on, talk to me.” Laurel says tenderly and empathetically. Lexa sighs out in pure exhaustion.

“I don’t think I can take all of this Laurel. I’m gonna break if anything else is thrown on the pile of shit I’m dealing with right now. And -” Lexa furiously wipes the tears starting to form on her face. “I lied to Clarke and I really think she’s going to leave me. I fucked up so bad. I lost her trust and I don’t know what to do to get a second chance.”

Laurel brings her sister into a tight bear hug, shushing and rocking her back and forth. “Oh honey, it’s gonna be okay. You have me and your friends and you have Clarke. You will always have Clarke. She’s never going to abandon you. And even if the relationship doesn’t work out, she will always be your friend.” Laurel speaks softly and delicately.

“I - I don’t want to be just her friend. I love her.” Lexa sniffles and buries her head in Laurel’s neck.

“Then be honest with her from now on. Go over there and open up to her. She loves you. Clarke is so forgiving. She just needs to see that you’re trying.” Laurel says softly and Lexa nods. She needs to show Clarke she _can_ trust her.

///

Lexa walks into the Griffin’s house after telling Mercedes that she is staying at Clarke’s. Mercedes had a weird look on her face when she told her but Lexa ignored it and left. Lexa knows on the door to find Clarke sketching in her room. Jake must be working late at the office because he’s not home right now.

Lexa walks in and Clarke sighs deeply. It hurts Lexa immensely that Clarke’s reaction to seeing her right now is sighing but she understands it. 

“Hi.” Lexa sheepishly says. Clarke looks at her, tired.

“We need to talk, Lexa.” Clarke says in an exhausted tone. Lexa’s heart starts beating hard in her chest, so hard it hurts. She’s terrified that Clarke is going to break up with her. And she would have every right to too. But god, Lexa hopes and prays with everything in her that Clarke decides to give her another chance.

“I know.” Lexa says quietly. She decides it’s best to let Clarke guide the direction of this conversation.

“I can’t do this Lexa.” Clarke says emotionally, putting her sketchbook aside and scooting to the end of the bed. Lexa sucks in a sharp breath. Clarke is going to leave her. This is it.

“...what..um what does that mean?” Lexa shakily whispers. “Are you breaking up with me?” Lexa’s chest is heavy. Tears start to fall down her cheeks. Clarke shuts her eyes and breathes out slowly, her own tears staining her face.

“I don’t want to.” Clarke mumbles softly. Lexa rushes over to her and gets on her knees in front of Clarke. She cups the blonde’s cheeks and presses their foreheads together. They breathe each other in.

“Then don’t. Please. I promise I can do better.” Lexa says with a thick voice.

“You spent the night with Costia, Lex.” Clarke says sadly. Lexa puts them space between them so she could look in Clarke’s gorgeous watery blue eyes.

“I didn’t sleep with her. I didn’t touch her. I love you Clarke. I just needed to clear my head.” There is such sheer force behind Lexa’s voice.

“I know you wouldn’t do that. That isn’t the issue. The issue is that you felt more comfortable talking to someone you used to sleep with then you do with your girlfriend. Not to mention all the lying.” Clarke’s voice is broken, Lexa can tell. But Lexa is broken too.

“I told you that I didn’t want to disappoint you Clarke.” Lexa says truthfully.

“Yes, but there has to be more to it. You could have gone to Laurel. You could have talked to her if you didn’t want to talk to me. But you went to Costia. Why? Why did you have to lie and spend the night with her Lexa? How would you like it if I found out huge news, lied to you about it and went and slept over Echo’s?” Clarke says bitterly.

It hits Lexa right in the chest with realization, sadness, and immense jealousy. It’s the first time Clarke openly admitted to Lexa about hooking up with Echo. It causes an unpleasant sensation in her heart. Lexa knows her jealousy in unfounded because Clarke loves her. And she knows that she has no right to be jealous anyway. The hookup happened before they even were dating or together. But it still stings and it hits Lexa in that moment. She gets why Clarke is so upset. She really fucked up going to Costia and then lying about it She doesn’t know how to fix this. She can feel Clarke slipping through her fingers and she’s terrified.

“I would hate it. I would be sad that you didn’t come to me. And I would be jealous. I’m even jealous now and it’s just a hypothetical. But Clarke, I love you and I’m begging for a second chance. There’s no denying I’ve made many mistakes. I’m not trying to brush this under a rug. I will make this up to you day in and day out until I fully regain your trust back..” Lexa softly rubs up and down Clarke’s arms. 

“I wish it were that simple.” Clarke mumbles, tears still running down her face.

“Don’t leave me.” Lexa says in a vulnerable tone that is too much for Clarke to bear. Lexa sounds so alone, lonely. She sounds like Clarke is her only salvation right now. Clarke starts shaking and crying.

“C’mere.” Clarke says through her cries. She pushes herself farther onto the bed and opens her arms for Lexa to fall into. Lexa pushes off the floor and launches herself in Clarke’s arms. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa and kisses the top of her head.

“I love you Lexa. I just don’t trust you.” Clarke says through her tears. Lexa cries harder into the warm skin of Clarke’s neck. They fall asleep in limbo, not knowing what this break of trust means for their relationship. Both heartbroken girls have dreamless sleeps but find some comfort in their true love’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clexa is still in relationship purgatory agh so frustrating I know, I know. We will see what all this means for their relationship in the next chapter when they have a longer conversation. 
> 
> As far as the Mercedes plotline is concerned, it won't be stretched out for too long so don't worry. But the angst might not go away even after Lexa learns the truth about it not being her baby. I'll try to update again soon but I also want to finish up my 'Princess First, Mates Second' fic.
> 
> If you have any questions about the fic or literally anything else, stop by my tumblr http://clexainparadise.tumblr.com/


	21. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa talk. Clarke makes a decision. An unexpected person reaches out to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!

Clarke wakes up first to Lexa cuddling and clutching onto her. Clarke shuts her eyes and sighs deeply. She doesn't know what to do. She loves Lexa but there is a complete break of trust between them. Clarke needs a break before she starts to resent her girlfriend. Is she still her girlfriend? Clarke doesn't even know.

The blonde wiggles stealthily out of Lexa’s grasp. She changes into clothes for the day and quickly gets ready. She knows it's wrong, but Clarke can't be here when Lexa wakes up. She needs some time to think this through.

Clarke gets dressed and goes downstairs, following the smell of bacon.

“Hey Dad.” Clarke walks into the kitchen and steals some bacon that Jake just finished cooking.

“Hey there bug. Mornin.” Jake cheerily chirps out. Jake was always a morning person. Clarke? Not so much. 

“Morning. I'm going to go draw by the lake today.” Clarke announces, stealing a couple more pieces of bacon and chugging a cup of orange juice.

“That sounds nice. What about Lexa? It's a beautiful Saturday morning, maybe you two can go for a nice hike or something.” Jake tries, curious to see his daughter’s reaction. He can tell something isn't right between the girls. He just doesn't know what.

“Oh um.. I don't know what she's doing today. I want some space.” Clarke mumbles quietly. Jakes eyes widen slightly before he schools his face.

“Why do you want space? What happened?” Jake gently asks. 

“You sure you want to know? It's a lot..” Clarke trails off.

“Of course Clarke. You’re my little girl. And I love Lexa. What's wrong?” Jake asks gently, even though inside he's freaking out a bit. What is so bad that Clarke is this afraid to tell him?

“Well...Lexa got this girl pregnant and then she lied to me about it. Then I told her to leave and instead of going to Laurel’s, she went to go stay over her um… well this girl she used to hook up with and she didn't tell me! And I just don't know how to move past it all. I know she didn't cheat but it still hurts she keeps lying to me. It hurts that she prefers Costia’s comfort over mine.” Clarke sighs deeply. Jake’s eyes are as wide as saucers. 

“Oh uh..well…” Jake awkwardly clears his throat. He’s a bit at a loss for words right now. Is Clarke having sex? Should he have given her the talk? Oh god, are they using protection?!

“Dad? You okay?” Clarke asks curiously. “It looks like you just had a mini stroke.” She jokes lightly.

“I’m okay bug. It’s just a lot to take in..um so Lexa had sex with this girl and got her pregnant?” Jake asks slowly.

“Yeah Dad. That’s kind of how it works.” Clarke narrows her eyes at her Dad.

“And this was before..”

“Before me and Lexa got together yeah.” Clarke mumbles and Jake nods.

“So..well is Lexa planning on supporting the child? Do they know their options? What do the girl’s parents say?” Jake goes in full parent mode and Clarke starts to regret telling him this.

“I don’t know Dad. All I know is that Mercedes wants to keep the baby and Lexa will support whatever her decision is. She said it’s her kid too and she will help raise it.” Clarke says truthfully. Jake nods some more, still trying to wrap his head around this.

“I see. And how do you feel about Lexa raising a child with the girl she used to date? Did they date?” Jake asks in a non judgemental tone.

“Um no..they just..well they-”

“I know what you mean. You don’t have to give me details.” Jake waves her off. He tries to be the cool Dad but right now it’s kind of hard when his only baby girl’s girlfriend just got another girl pregnant. Boy was that a lot to take in or what.

“I don’t know how I feel about it. I don’t like the other girl. She’s rude. But I would support Lexa. It’s not about what I want or who I like. It’s about the baby. And Lexa wants to do right by the baby so that’s all that matters to me. I just can’t get past the lying. I don’t know what to do” Clarke says sadly.

“I think you already do. You’re just too afraid to make the decision final.” Jake answers helpfully. “Do what you and _you only_ think is best.”

“Thanks Dad. I love you.” Clarke kisses his cheek. “I think I’ll ask Lexa on that hike like you suggested.”

“Oh anytime.” Jake mumbles. Suddenly he has a very _very_ big headache and he has a pretty strong clue as to why.

///

“Lex. Lex, get up.” Clarke softly says. Lexa’s eyes flutter open. She softly rubs at her eyelids and yawns, stretching out her achy limbs.

“Clarke.” Lexa says in awe, her voice still thick with here. “I didn’t think you’d be here when I woke up.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. I wanted to clear my head, but after a talk with my dad I decided we should just talk about it now. Get dressed. I’m going to go sketch by the lake and you’re coming with me so we can talk.” Clarke says softly yet still in a stern tone. Lexa instantly grows sweaty and nervous. This already doesn’t sound promising. She feels like she’s a pig on the way to the slaughterhouse. 

Lexa and Clarke ride to the lake on Lexa’s motorcycle. Clarke points towards a tree and they settle under it. Clarke stares out and starts sketching the landscape. Lexa anxiously sits there, waiting patiently for her girlfriend to start talking to her. A half hour later, it finally happens.

“How was Mercedes parents?” Clarke asks quietly, refusing to meet Lexa's gaze. Lexa gulps. She has to tell Clarke the truth.

“Well um..” Lexa rubs the back of her neck nervously before continuing. “They're very conservative people so uh when I said I wouldn't marry their daughter they..well they kicked Mercedes out.” Lexa mumbles nervously. Clarke's eyes widen.

“What? Seriously?” Clarke asks, truly shocked by the information. 

“Yeah.. So uh well… She's actually -” Lexa rambles a bit before Clarke cuts her off.

“She's living in your house.” Clarke says knowingly.

“Yeah. I was going to tell you but-” Lexa struggles to explain herself.

“But you didn't.”’ Clarke says sternly. This so isn't how Lexa wanted this conversation to go. “Lexa..” Clarke sighs out deeply, gathering her thoughts. Clarke is silent for a few minutes, staring out at the lake in deep thought. It scares the shit out of Lexa.

Clarke puts down her sketchbook and looks Lexa in the eyes. “We need to take a break.” Clarke tries to sound calm but her voice cracks at the end. Incidentally, so does Lexa’s heart.

“Clarke please...don't..” Lexa shuts her eyes and shakes her head. “Don't do this.” 

“It's absolutely not permanent. I don't plan on seeing anyone else and I hope it's the same for you. My heart is still yours. _I’m_ still yours.” Clarke says inching closer to the teary eyed Lexa and cupping her cheeks.

“It has nothing to do with the fact that Mercedes is pregnant. I will support you in this. I will be your hand to hold, your support system. But the lying Lex. That's a big deal to me. And until I feel like I can trust you again, there's really no foundation for a relationship. I'm sad that you'd rather talk to Costia about this than me. But I'm even angrier that you lied about the whole thing. You need to learn how to communicate with me or else this never will work. And I need the space to figure out how to be with you again..romantically.” Clarke says firmly. 

“You're ending this though. You're ending _us_.” Lexa says vulnerably, sniffling back her tears.

“No I'm not. Make no mistake, we are not broken up. We are just on a break. If we both work on ourselves, then we will be back to being _us_ in no time.” Clarke says gently, pushing back Lexa’s stray strands of hair.

“I love you Clarke. I'll do anything to show you that." Lexa whispers, gripping the back of Clarke’s neck to press their foreheads together.

“Oh Lexa, I never doubted your love for me. This break is more about you showing me that I can trust you again. I mean I'll still see you. After all, you still live in my house.” Clarke teases and chuckles lightly. Lexa sadly smiles.

“But no kisses, no sex. That being said, please don't feel like you can't talk to me. I'm not leaving you, Lexa. I'm still here. Don't close up on me. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on and how you feel. So much has happened the last few months. It makes sense that you break down a little. I'll be here for that. I'll be here every step of the way. Our romantic relationship is just on hold though.” Clarke says sadly and Lexa nods.

“Does this mean.. I mean are you still my girlfriend?” Lexa asks quietly, her eyes averting Clarke's gaze.

Clarke frowns for a second, thinking of her answer.

“Don't think about the labels, Lex.” Clarke caresses her cheeks. “I'm doing this to save our relationship. This isn't the first step to breaking up. It's just taking a step back while we _both_ sort things out. Okay?” Clarke asks gently.

“Okay. But...can I kiss you one more time before this break is enacted? I need to feel your lips.” Lexa says in an exhausted tone, worrisome that Clarke is going to say no.

“Of course. I was going to suggest that too.” Clarke sadly smiles. “Come here.” The blonde whispers softly.

Lexa angles her head and kisses Clarke soundly and desperately. Their kisses are tinged with sadness and longing. Lexa breaks the kiss after a few minutes and her eyes are sad. She tries to smile at the blonde but it doesn't reach her eyes. Lexa touches Clarke’s lips softly with her thumb. 

“You're everything to me. I'm ready to show you that I can be better not only for you, but for myself too.” Lexa whispers to Clarke and the blonde has a small smile on her face. She hopes to god this break works.

///

_1 Month Later_

This ‘break’ has been very tough on Lexa and Clarke. Lexa has given Clarke the space she needs but it's been really rough to do so. 

Clarke doesn't always eat lunch with their group anymore. Sometimes she stays in the art studio, sometimes she eats with the soccer girls. And that means Echo is there. 

Lexa is insanely jealous. She trusts Clarke with her everything but it's tough not to be jealous. She knows Clarke said she doesn't _plan_ on being with anyone else during their ‘break’ but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen. She's seen the whole Friends ‘we were on a break’ controversy. It could happen. She doesn't think it will, but it could. And that sliver of possibility eats away at Lexa's insecurities.

Mercedes has been living in her house. Laurel drives Mercedes home with her everyday. Mercedes is quiet and doesn't really bother anyone. Lexa goes to visit her every few days to make sure the baby is alright. They have a doctor’s appointment coming up soon. Lexa is nervous. It's scary realizing that she's going to be a mother, a mother with someone other than Clarke too. She knows it's early but she Lexa just knows with her everything that Clarke Griffin will one day be her wife. She knows they will have babies together and she knows their love will last. So it's odd to imagine having a child with someone else. God, she really misses Clarke.

Lexa has been going to therapy more often to work on her communication issues on top of grieving for her parents. She's learned something that she already knew : Lexa tends to be self destructive. A part of her knows when she's doing something bad, something that works against her, but she does it anyway. Her therapist is helping her stop the self destructive behavior before it even starts. It's really helping her.

Her and Clarke have a long talk once a week, usually on Sunday mornings. They go to the lake and talk about their week. Lexa is trying really hard to communicate and be open with the blonde. She tells Clarke everything that happens to her. She doesn't lie or avoid the truth. She's truly trying. 

Lexa still lives at the Griffin’s but she's sleeping in the guest room now. Her bed's so cold and lonely. She misses Clarke’s warmth sleeping right next to her. She just misses Clarke so much. 

It hasn't been easy for Clarke either. Clarke misses Lexa more than she could ever imagine. She missss her kisses and her soft touches. She misses her snores in her ear. She misses their intimate conversations in the dark of the night. She misses Lexa. This break is killing her but she sees the good it's doing for both of them.

They rushed into their relationship. It's good that they took a step back and started working on themselves rather than trying to work on an us with two broken halves of the whole.

Clarke has found herself outside of Lexa. She has been focusing on her art more and making friends outside of the group. Echo has become a close friend of hers. Both of them have essentially forgotten about their party hookup all those months ago and now are strictly friends. Echo is a good friend to have and Clarke is thankful for her.

“Hey Dad. I'm home.” Clarke calls out as she drops her soccer bag on the floor. 

“Honey, can you come here for a sec?” Jake calls out in an odd voice.

“Whatsup?” Clarke says suspiciously once she enters Jake’s study.

“Well sweetie, your mom wants you to visit her in California for your upcoming spring break.” Jake says softly. He has no intention of keeping Clarke from Abby. Abby just hasn't had any interest in being a parent the past few years.

“What? Absolutely not!” Clarke shouts out.

“Clarke, sweetie, Abby threatened to take it to the courts. She said she wants to make amends. Maybe you should give it a shot.” Jake supplies helpfully. “She's still your mother after all.”

“She hasn't been a mother to me in a long time.” Clarke mumbles and Jake’s eyes soften.

“Look if you really don't want to go, I'll fight her on it. She really doesn't have a case anyways since she gave away custody already. But I think it'd be good to see her. Maybe she's trying to make amends. Besides you can see Raven. I know you must miss her.” Jake says truthfully. He doesn't want Clarke to hold on to such bitterness about her mother. Maybe they can work through it. Abby might be flawed, but she is still Clarke’s mother.

“I'll go..” Clarke says quietly.

“Are you sure? Because if you don't want to..” 

“No I will go. I miss Raven. And I want to see what the she devil herself has to say about walking out on her family for a Pilates instructor with enough plastic surgery to be registered as a Ken doll.” Clarke says nonchalantly. Jake bursts out laughing. He goes up and hugs Clarke, kissing her forehead.

“I'm proud of you for being the bigger person here. I love you kiddo.” Jake says sincerely.

“Love you too Dad.” Clarke replies back. “It shouldn't be that bad.” Clarke lies through her teeth. Even now she can tell this trip to L.A. is going to be a recipe for disaster. Only time will tell how massive that disaster will be and how it will affect her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick little chapter I typed out for ya! It's really just a filer chapter, setting some important stuff in motion. The whole story is planned out in my drafts, I just need to find the time to write it all (easier said than done haha).
> 
> What do y'all think of Clexa's break? Is it healthy? Was it a good idea on Clarke's part?
> 
> What about Abby? Do you think Clarke's visit to L.A. is going to be a good or bad thing?
> 
> Let me know in the comments section! And as always, enjoy!


	22. You Gotta Love that California Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will this trip to California mean for Clexa?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes!

Lexa is excited to just get home. It’s been a long day and she hasn’t seen Clarke at all. This break is killing her but it’s a little better since she lives with Clarke. She can see Clarke smile at the dinner table and laugh at Jake’s corny jokes. It’s the most peace she gets all day. And even if she can’t hold Clarke at night anymore, Lexa at least finds comfort in the fact that Clarke is only a room away from her. 

Lexa gets home and the house is eerily silent. She assumes Jake is probably at Indra’s for date night. She’s happy Jake has found someone. He deserves it after the hell Clarke’s mom put him through. Lexa decides to go knock on Clarke’s door and ask if she wants to order some pizza. She knows they’re on a break and she knows it’s not Sunday, but maybe then can hangout alone tonight. She really misses being alone with Clarke.

“Hey Clarke.” Lexa says gently, leaning on Clarke’s doorway. Clarke looks up from her sketch and smiles. 

“Hey Lex.” 

“Umm…so I figured Jake went to Indra’s for dinner and I wanted to know if you wanted to order a pizza or something?” Lexa rambles nervously. God, when did she become so nervous? She guesses love has done crazy things to her game…not that she minds it at all.

“Sure pizza sounds good.” Clarke says softly, putting her sketchbook away. “I actually wanted to talk about something anyways.”

“Oh right..yeah okay.” Lexa mumbles nervously, racking her brain for what Clarke could want to talk about. Maybe she’s ready to get back together? No, that can’t be it. Could it? Lexa feels hope blossom in her chest. Or maybe she wants to break up for good now. Lexa really hopes that’s not it.

“How about we go out to eat? I could use a change of venue.” Clarke mumbles and Lexa nods absentmindedly, seemingly still in her own thoughts.

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

///

“So what did you want to talk about?” Lexa asks eagerly once they sit down and order at Clarke’s favorite pizza parlor.

“Oh right..well I’m going to visit my mom in L.A.” Clarke mumbles unenthusiastically while playing with the straw of her soda. Lexa’s eyes widen. She never thought Clarke would willingly go see her mom.

“Oh wow..I…what made you decide to do that?” Lexa asks softly. Clarke just shrugs.

“She threatened to sue for custody if I didn’t visit. Something about making amends.” Clarke mutters bitterly. The idea of Abby taking Clarke away from her forms a large unpleasant knot in Lexa’s throat.

“You don’t think she could actually win, right?” Lexa asks worriedly. Clarke looks up at Lexa’s worried expression and her features immediately soften.

“No. Besides I’ll be 18 soon. It doesn’t matter what she wants.” Clarke reassures Lexa, placing her hand over the brunette’s. They’re silent for a minute, just enjoying the comfort of being with one another. The waitress serves them their pizza a moment later, breaking the scene.

///

“Hey Lex?” Clarke knocks on Lexa’s door later that night. Clarke hears a faint ‘come in’ from Lexa and opens the door. Lexa is wearing loose boxers and a sports bra to sleep. Clarke feels a little flush at the sight. God does she miss Lexa’s touch. Her own hands just aren’t the same.

“Everything okay, Clarke?” Lexa asks softly, getting up from her bed.

“Yeah..you don’t have to get up. I…well..I-“

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks worriedly, her brows furrowed.

“Nothing. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to L.A. since our talk earlier and I was..well I was wondering if you could come with me.” Clarke mumbles nervously. Lexa’s eyes widen in surprise.

“You want me to come..with you?” Lexa asks slowly.

“Yeah. I just don’t think I can face my mom alone. And you..well you ground me. I feel safe and calm with you.” Clarke confesses just above a whisper. Lexa’s heart melts. “But if it’s too much, then I totally understand. I know we are still on a break and if it’s too confusing, then I completely understand and-“

“Clarke.” Lexa chuckles and interrupts the adorable ranting girl in front of her. “I’d love to.”

“Yeah? You’re sure?” Clarke asks hesitantly.

“Very.” Lexa smiles softly. “I’m always going to be here for you.”

Clarke smiles sweetly and blushes. Lexa feels her heart beat faster at the sight of Clarke’s radiant smile. All Lexa ever wants from life is to keep making Clarke Griffin smile.

///

Two weeks later, Jake drives both girls to the airport. Despite everything Clarke told him about her relationship issues with Lexa, he felt better that Lexa was going with Clarke to L.A. Clarke needs all the support she can get right now. Seeing Abby again is going to be tough for Clarke. He’s glad that despite their issues right now, Lexa is still going to be there for his daughter. Jake can tell Lexa is the one for Clarke. He just knows it.

“Hey..nervous?” Lexa asks as she holds out her hand for Clarke to take. Clarke accepts greedily. The plane is about to land in L.A.

“A little.” Clarke smiles nervously. Lexa takes a risk and kisses Clarke’s palm like she used to. Clarke shuts her eyes and smiles slightly.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m here with you.” Lexa mumbles against Clarke’s skin.

“Thank you Lex.” Clarke says softly, her eyes fluttering open.

“Like I said, I’m always going to be here for you.” Lexa smiles gently and Clarke returns the sentiment.

Their friends assume that they are going to get back together on this trip. Slowly but surely, they have been acting more and more like a couple. Only now, Lexa is better. She talks to Clarke and they tell each other everything. It’s only a matter of it Clarke trusts Lexa again. And that’s something Clarke and only Clarke knows the answer to.

///

“Clarke..let me get a look at you.” Abby says a wide smile. “You look great! I’m so glad you got rid of that pink in your hair.” 

“Mom, this is Lexa. Lexa, this is my mother.” Clarke says bitterly. Lexa smiles politely.

“Hello Mrs..um..Mrs.-“ Lexa inwardly facepalms. Does she call her Mrs. Griffin? Fuck, what does she call her?!

“Mrs. Tanner, dear. I changed back to my maiden name after the divorce.” Abby replies dryly. “Are you Clarke’s girlfriend?”

“Umm..”

“No, she’s not.” Clarke cuts in abruptly. Lexa won’t lie. Clarke’s quick answer hurt like a bitch.

“Well, either way, it’s lovely to meet you Lexa. This is my friend Henry. Henry is running for senator.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lexa politely says and goes to shake his hand.

“You as well.” Henry says politely. Henry has platinum white hair. He’s in an expensive suit and clean shaven.

“What happened to the pilates instructor?” Clarke speaks in an almost bored tone.

“Clarke!” Abby reprimands her daughter. Clarke’s mother sighs. “Look, there’s no denying that I have made some mistakes. But I am trying to make up for it. So please, can you at least try and limit your level of sass on this trip?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and grumbles. Lexa squeezes her hand in comfort. “Whatever.” 

The car ride to Abby’s house is completely silent. Abby tries making small talk in the beginning but Clarke has decided to not be sassy by simply not answering Abby’s questions whatsoever. Abby drops the girls off and says she has dinner plans with Henry and will be back late. Clarke and Lexa put their bags in a guest bedroom.

“So that’s your mom.” Lexa calls out while she starts to unpack.

“I told you she was a bitch.” Clarke sighs out, coming out of the guest bedroom’s bathroom in only her bra and a very revealing thong. Lexa’s eyes widen and she starts coughing.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot.” Clarke mumbles, covering her exposed chest with a blanket.

“No um..um it’s okay.” Lexa says softly.

“I just wanted to change into a bikini. We have Raven’s beach party tonight remember?” Clarke says lightly. “Hey it’s not anything you haven’t seen before right?” Clarke jokes lightly but it falls short.

“Right.” Lexa smiles at her and gets up quickly. “I’m gonna let you change and then I’ll come back in and then um..then I’ll change.”

Lexa hurries out of the room, her pants suddenly very tight. “Fuck.” Lexa mumbles, leaning her head against the hallway wall. This trip is going to be the death of her. 

///

The party is in full swing when Clarke and Lexa get there and it’s nothing like parties in small town Polis. This party is wild. There’s even a DJ.

“Wow..” Lexa mumbles out and Clarke chuckles.

“Yeah. Raven’s parents are loaded. This is their private beach so the cops never bother us. She throws these kind of parties all the time.” Clarke says nonchalantly and Lexa nods. “Let’s grab some drinks and look for Raven.”

As they pass by crowds of kids, a lot of people say hi to Clarke in passing. Clarke smiles politely and keeps on walking. It seems like all eyes are on Clarke, but from what Lexa can gather, Clarke hates the attention. Lexa knows Clarke hated living in L.A. She said her only real friend was Raven. But maybe Lexa understood her wrong. Maybe she was actually really popular but hated it.

“Clarke!” A small girl with brown hair and brown eyes runs up to Clarke and hugs her tight. 

“Raven, oh my god! I’ve missed you so much!” Clarke squeals and hugs her back. Lexa smiles softly. So this is Clarke’s best friend.

“So you must be the sexy basketball player that took my Clarkey’s virginity.” Raven says while smirking. Lexa chokes on air.

“Oh my god, Raven!” Clarke lightly reprimands. Clarke turns her attention to Lexa. “Sorry about that Lex, Raven has no filter.”

“It’s true. I’m blunt. Speaking of blunts, we are going to go smoke over by the rocks in a bit if you want to come?” Raven asks innocently.

“No. I think we are good for now. We will catch you later though?” Clarke says gently and Raven says her goodbyes before walking away.

“Wanna dance?” Clarke says lightly and Lexa nods eagerly. They get on the dance floor and the dancing is innocent enough. Clarke is sure to keep some distance even though all she really wants to do is rub up against Lexa.

The girls dance for what seems like hours before Clarke whispers in Lexa’s ear that she wants to get a drink. Clarke holds out her hand and Lexa eagerly takes it. Everything feels different between them lately. It’s almost like Clarke forgives her. Maybe she even trusts her again?

Clarke grabs them two drinks when suddenly she hears her name called.

“Clarke Griffin!” Lexa and Clarke turn around to see a beautiful dirty blonde walking up to them. The girl is toned, almost as toned as Lexa. Lexa instantly feels threatened by this girl’s presence and she doesn’t even know why.

“Niylah, hi!” Clarke calls out excitedly and Lexa’s stomach forms in knots. So this is Niylah. The girl Clarke used to hook up with. The girl Clarke almost had sex with.

“How are you? I heard you moved. I was upset to hear that I wouldn’t seeing you running around in your bikinis anymore.” Niylah flirts and Lexa fumes inwardly. All she wants to do is put her arm around Clarke but she can’t. She can’t because she doesn’t even know what her and Clarke are. Not to mention, Clarke just told Abby they weren’t together.

“No more running around in bikinis for me. It’s a bit colder in Polis.” Clarke chuckles. “Niylah, this is Lexa. Lexa, this is Niylah.”

“Nice to meet you Lexa. Niylah says slowly with a polite smile on her face. She brings her attention back to Clarke. “Maybe I’ll see you on the dance floor.” Niylah winks before walking off.

“I’m sorry about that.” Clarke says apologetically. Lexa looks down at her feet and kicks the sand.

“It’s okay Clarke. We aren’t together.” Lexa mumbles sadly. She can’t help the tear that falls down her cheek.

“Come with me.” Clarke says firmly, pulling Lexa to a dark part of the beach far away from everyone. After about a 20 minute walk, Clarke pats the soft sand next to her and Lexa sits down. Lexa thinks this is it. Clarke is about to end things for good.

“I still love you.” Clarke says softly and Lexa whips her head up. “I know I said I wanted a break and I stand by that, but don’t you ever doubt my love for you.” Clarke caresses Lexa’s cheek, wiping away the brunette’s tears. And for Lexa, it’s like a dam breaks.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Lexa sobs and Clarke pulls her in tight.

“Baby, I’ve missed you too.” Clarke says all choked up. “Listen to me, Niylah doesn’t mean anything to me. Neither does Echo. You have no reason to be jealous of either of them. My heart belongs to you.”

Lexa cries harder into her shirt. “I love you. God, I love you.”

Clarke pulls Lexa’s chin up and kisses her. It’s not because of the alcohol. It’s ‘I love you.’ It’s ‘I miss you.’ It’s “I forgive you.’

Lexa immediately responds to the kiss. Their breaths are heavy as their tongues dance a familiar dance, finding the perfect rhythm. Clarke pushes Lexa down into the sand and straddles her. Lexa moans out as Clarke begins to grind on her.

“I love you.” Lexa moans out, feeling herself getting hard. It’s been too long.

“I need you.” Clarke’s words tattoo Lexa’s lips. Clarke pulls off her top an undoes her bikini top. Lexa immediately latches on to one of her breasts. Clarke mewls out. Their clothes are quickly shed.

The sex is frantic and needy, leaving sand in all the wrong places. But it leaves them sated and whole once more. They quickly throw on their clothes. They lay back down. Clarke cuddles into Lexa.

“Clarke..” Lexa shakily whispers out. “Was this just sex? Or do you…does this mean we can give us another shot?” Lexa says nervously. Clarke is quiet for a moment before she kisses Lexa’s collarbone.

“Yes.” Clarke mumbles out.

“Yes to which question?” Lexa says slowly, scared out of her mind.

“Yes. I want to try again.” Clarke says softly and Lexa immediately pulls her in for a bruising kiss.

“I’ll never lie to you again.” Lexa says sincerely.

“I trust you Lexa. I mean that.” Clarke says gently. “You’ve been trying so much these past two months. I know it hasn’t been easy for you with your parents’ deaths and with Mercedes pregnancy. But you have been going to therapy and you have been opening up more. You’re doing so well baby and I’m so proud of you.”

“I still let you down. I’ll never forgive myself for that.” Lexa says sadly. Clarke caresses her cheek.

“Hey, stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve learned from your mistakes. Love is about forgiveness too. And I forgive you and you’ve earned my trust back. I love you and I can’t spend another minute away from you.” Clarke says softly. 

“I love you Clarke Griffin.” Lexa pours her heart into her words. “Thank you so much for giving me another chance to show you how much I love you.” 

The pair kisses some more before it starts to get slightly heated again.

“Does this mean I can call you my girlfriend again?” Lexa asks excitedly and Clarke chuckles against her lips.

“Yes. I am your girlfriend again and you are mine.” Clarke says sweetly before kissing her again. They kiss some more before sneaking away from the party and back home to make love again.

The two girls are back together and stronger than ever. Only time will tell how unbreakable their bond really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to say this, but the angst is not over yet folks!
> 
> On the bright side, Clexa is back together. A lot of progress between Lexa and Clarke happened outside of these chapters during the past two months. Trust me, Lexa has learned from her mistakes.
> 
> The Mercedes plotline will be resolved soon enough, don't worry!
> 
> Also, I'm really sorry but updates will be very sporadic until this semester ends. Good news is that's only about a little over a month more but bad news is that I won't be able to update that often this month. I'll try my hardest to update a few times though so we'll see.


	23. Locks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are finally reunited. All seems perfect until they return home. A secret is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for any mistakes!

“Mm..” Clarke mumbles in her sleep, cuddling closer to the warm body next to her. Lexa smiles softly, pushing the stray strands of Clarke’s hair out of her face. Lexa leans down and kisses Clarke’s nose. Lexa can’t believe how lucky she is. Her Clarke is back in her arms.

“Clarke..wake up.” Lexa says softly, stroking Clarke’s cheeks. The blonde groans, waking up from her peaceful sleep. She hasn’t slept so well since before her and Lexa’s breakup.

“Hi..” Clarke says quietly, her voice still thick with sleep. “What time is it?”

“Time to get up sleepyhead.” Lexa says with a wide smile. She just can’t believe that Clarke is back in her arms again. She thought she might never get this again. She thought she lost her for good after all the lying. Lexa promises herself to never take Clarke for granted again. This is the only girl for her. 

“Maybe we can stay in bed all day?” Clarke says innocently, but Lexa can tell from the blonde’s mischievous smirk that Clarke definitely wants to do more than sleep.

“I mean I certainly wouldn’t have any complaints to spending the day in bed with you baby, but what about your mom?” Lexa asks and Clarke bites her lip.

“My mom has work, Lex. She won’t be back home until at least 9 p.m. and that’s if she doesn’t go out with that new boyfriend of hers, which she probably will knowing my mother.” Clarke says in a gently whisper before situating her body so that she’s on top of Lexa.

“I’ve missed being with you so much.” Clarke quietly says before kissing Lexa gently, humming in content into the kiss. Lexa’s breath gets heavier as her hands slid up Clarke’s body, massaging Clarke’s beautiful breasts under her t shirt. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed this.” Lexa says in between kisses. Lexa takes off Clarke’s shirt and Clarke does the same for her. Soon they are completely bare and writhing under one another’s touch.

“Fuck Lexa fuck..” Clarke moans out softly as Lexa pumps to fingers in and out of her. Lexa’s thumb is hitting her clit just right and Clarke can feel her orgasm building in the knots of her stomach. Lexa is on top of her, alternating from kissing her and looking in her eyes. It’s perfect and intimate and everything they need.

“I need more. Please.” Clarke whimpers, her back arching slightly. Lexa groans out in arousal; she’s painfully hard.

“What do you need, Clarke?” Lexa asks, her voice thick and heavy from arousal. Clarke has always thought Lexa’s voice is so sexy when she’s turned on.

“You..I need you.” Clarke simply says. Her sentences have to be simple at this point because she can barely get her words out between her heavy breathing and kissing Lexa’s soft swollen lips. 

Lexa nods and grabs a condom from the nightstand. She pushes in slowly. Clarke is tighter than usual since last night was the first time in a long time for them. Lexa groans and her head falls to Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke..” Lexa groans out.

Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa’s lower back and the brunette starts pumping her hips. Clarke’s breath hitches when Lexa hits just the right spot. Lexa leans all her weight on her arms that are pinning Clarke’s above her head. Sometimes Clarke likes when Lexa takes control and this is definitely one of those times. 

“Open your eyes..” Lexa mumbles out and Clarke’s eyes slowly flutter open. “I want to see you come.” Lexa says in a heavy voice. 

“Lex..” Clarke whisper moans out. Lexa can tell she’s close and honestly so is she. Lexa speeds up her hips and Clarke is done for. She comes with Lexa’s name coming off her lips. Lexa groans and thrusts harder and harder until she comes as well. Clarke has a soft smile on her face and it makes Lexa’s heart flip and skip a beat. God, she is so happy to have a second chance to show Clarke how big her love for her is. 

\\\\\

The rest of the trip consists of Clarke and Lexa sneaking around Abby to have quickies all through the house. Abby is so caught up in her own self that she pays no mind to them. Lexa starts to wonder why Abby even invited Clarke here. She’s just ignoring her. Clarke tells Lexa that this behavior is not out of the ordinary for her mother and that she’s used to being ignored.

As a kid, it was even harder because Jake was always working too. So Clarke really wasn’t close to either of her parents until the divorce happened. Clarke says that it was like a wake up call for her father and he stopped working as much as focused his attention on Clarke. Even when he did work a lot though, he always found time for Clarke. Abby though, even when she was free, it was like she was trying to avoid Clarke’s presence. 

Abby never was a mother to Clarke. She was passed from nanny to nanny. And while Abby wasn’t cruel, she was very negligent. The only love and compassion Clarke received as a child was from her father when he was around. Jake truly did make an effort, but it wasn’t enough. Clarke was still left alone most of the time. Jake and her had a special bond but it only truly matured when she got into high school

Lexa feels a pang in her heart when Clarke breaks down and tells her everything the night before they leave L.A. Lexa had no idea Clarke’s home life was like that. Sure, she knew Clarke’s mom cheated and they have a poor relationship. But she had no idea how it affected Clarke. This whole trip has made their relationship stronger. They grew closer and Lexa is glad for it. 

When they return, of course, there is a party happening that night at the Woods house. They get back just in time to talk to Jake for a bit before going off and joining their friends. 

“Hey you two lovebirds!” Octavia calls out cheerily. Clarke texted her a couple of days ago that they are back together and she couldn’t be happier for the two of them.

“Hi O.” Lexa says with a slight blush on her face. 

“Now don’t screw it up this time Woods, okay? You’ve got a great girl.” Octavia says half teasing. 

Lexa rubs the back of her neck and looks over at Clarke who is wearing a soft encouraging smile. Lexa grabs her hand and kisses the back of it.

“Don’t I know it.” Lexa smiles wide and Clarke blushes. Clarke mumbles about how cheesy and cute Lexa is before setting off to get them some drinks. 

\\\\\

“Chug chug chug chug chug!” All the boys cheer as Lexa finishes chug a big thing of beer. She is sufficiently drunk. Somewhere along the way she lost Clarke in the crowd to a dancing Octavia and Laurel. 

Lexa went off to drink with her basketball buddies and it feels just like the old times, but not in a bad way. Maybe she drank a little too much though. Lexa feels herself swaying as she walks through the crowd, searching for Clarke. 

“Lex!” Clarke calls out, tired and sweaty from all the dancing. Lexa slowly turns around, her eyes glassy and a lazy wide smile on her face.

“Baby..” Lexa sloppily throws her arms around Clarke and kisses her neck. Clarke gasps slightly. How did Lexa get this drunk? “Mm I love you baby...you’re so hot.”

“Lex..” Clarke chuckles, pulling out of the tight bear hug Lexa currently has her in. Lexa pouts when Clarke stops hugging her back.

“Why you stop hugging me back?” Lexa frowns and Clarke laughs even more. Lexa is an adorable clingy drunk when Clarke Griffin is involved, it turns out. 

“How much have you had to drink love?” Clarke asks softly, cupping Lexa’s cheeks and looking in her green eyes.

“You know...your eyes are blue..really blue.” Lexa says with a dumb smile on her face, slightly slurring her words. Clarke has never seen her this drunk before. 

“Lex, answer me.” Clarke says a little firmer this time.

“Answer what?” Lexa says with a confused frown. “Clarke, are you drunk?” Lexa says worriedly.

Clarke bites her lip to stop her smile. She knows she shouldn’t be smiling right now but Lexa is kind of adorable like this.

“No I’ve only had a couple beers. You, on the other hand, are hammered. No more for you.” Clarke says and Lexa frowns.

“What about cuddles? I really want cuddles.” Lexa says happily and Clarke laughs. Clarke knows Lexa would never be this cheesy and what not if she wasn’t drunk.

“Yes we can cuddle. Let’s go get you some water and then bring you upstairs to bed.” Clarke says and Lexa’s eyebrows shoot up. A smirk reaches her lips.

“Bed?” Lexa asks not so innocently.

“No sex Lex.” Clarke says firmly and Lexa chuckles. “What’s so funny about that?” 

“That rhymed.” Lexa mumbles before yawning. “Baby..I’m tired. Cuddles now?”

Clarke smiles. “Yes baby. Let’s go.”

Clarke brings Lexa upstairs and helps her change into PJs. Clarke texts her Dad that her and Lexa are going to stay at the Woods’ house today and he reluctantly said okay.

“You’re so hot yanno..” Lexa mumbles, nuzzling into Clarke’s breasts. Lexa is lying mostly on top of Clarke and the blonde is running her fingers through Lexa’s loose brown curls. Clarke just laughs. Lexa has no filter right now.

“You’re pretty beautiful too.” Clarke replies gently.

“I..” Lexa pauses and looks up, smiling at the compliment. “I love you.”

“I love you too Lex.”

“No like I love you so so so much.” Lexa slurs out.

“I love you too baby. Now let's sleep.” Clarke says and Lexa nods against her breasts, mumbling out a tired okay. A few minutes later though, Lexa breaks the silence.

“Your boobs are my favorite pillows.” Lexa mumbles out gently and Clarke smiles, trying to contain her laughs. 

“Goodnight Lexa,” is all Clarke says back. Lexa starts snoring and Clarke knows she’s asleep finally.

///

A few hours later, the party has almost completely died down. Lexa got very drunk very fast so her and Clarke called it an early night. But around 1:30 a.m., Clarke wakes up and has to pee. The blonde carefully removes herself from underneath Lexa and goes into the bathroom. She realizes there is no more toilet paper so she wanders over the the bathroom closet to get some more. Now this bathroom closet is very large and a walk in. I mean after all, the Woods mansion is massive. There’s even a lounge couch in the bathroom. 

So Clarke enters the walk in bathroom closet and all of a sudden she hears the door to the bathroom open. She immediately assumes that in her half awake state she didn’t lock the door when she came in and she was right. Clarke is about to shout out that there is already someone in here, when she hears two voices. Mercedes and Finn.

Mercedes is still a sore subject for Clarke but she accepts it. She will be here for Lexa and her baby the whole way. Mercedes was even at the party tonight since she lives at the Woods’ house now that her parents kicked her out. Obviously she didn’t drink or stay up too late, but she nonetheless was there. 

“Don’t lie Mercedes..the baby is Lexa’s!” Finn shouts out angrily. Clarke stands frozen in her place. What did he just say?

“Finn..listen, I..I _think_ it’s Lexa’s. But I did sleep with you twice around the same time.” Mercedes says emotionally.

“Fuck!” Finn swears. He’s drunk clearly, Clarke can hear it in his voice.

“My parents will never accept this.” Finn slurs out. “You already have an arrangement with Woods. Lets leave it the way it is.”

“But Finn..I think I should…” Mercedes starts to speak but Finn cuts her off again.

“Why are you even telling me now?” Finn says, his voice distressed.

“Because..I don’t know. I really thought it was Lexa’s. Me and her had sex all the time...me and you...we only slept together twice.” Mercedes mumbles insecurely. Clarke’s heart squeezes unpleasantly when she hears that Lexa and Mercedes had so much sex. I mean, logically, she knew they did. But she doesn’t like to revisit the idea of it. 

“Na! Listen up, we used a condom each time.” Finn slurs.

“Me and Lexa always did too..I don’t know Finn. I’m starting to have doubts. I think I need to tell Lexa about all this.” Mercedes says guilty.

“Listen Mercedes...my whole future depends on my parent’s money. If they find out I got you pregnant, I’d have to marry you. My parents would never allow the scandal! But Lexa..it doesn’t matter to her. Her parents are gone.” Finn says and Clarke fumes. 

“I have to tell Lexa, Finn. I’m sorry.” Mercedes stutters out.

“No! Goddamnit!” Finn roars out and Clarke decides to step in at this point.

“Finn, that’s enough!” Clarke snaps. Finn and Mercedes’ eyes widen.

“Clarke..” Finn says in complete and utter shock. “Listen, I’m not sure what you heard but…”

“I heard everything, Finn. And if Mercedes doesn’t tell Lexa, then I will.” Clarke says confidently.

“Tell me what?” Lexa says confused. She woke up and Clarke wasn’t in the bed so she decided to come looking for her. That’s when she heard screaming in the bathroom and decided to see what was going on. One thing is for certain though, nobody in this house understands the concept of locking a bathroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know I have been missing for quite some time and I don't really have much of an excuse. I had writer's block for the longest of times and then life just got very busy for me. I still am very busy and have very little time to write anymore. I have a new job that has been taking up most of my time but that's besides the point. Finally a new chapter yay!!!
> 
> I am going to try an update this and other fics I have left unfinished very soon. But don't worry! None of my fics are abandoned and I will continue writing for all of them in due time.
> 
> So what do y'all think about this chapter? Did you see that reveal coming? What do you think is going to happen next?


	24. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is revealed to Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for any mistakes

“Clarke, what’s going on?” Lexa asks, still half asleep and a little drunk but she can tell something is wrong. Finn’s face is pale and Mercedes’ eyes are basically bulging out of her head in surprise. And Clarke..well Clarke looks a mixture of sad and angry.

“Do you want to tell her or should I?” Clarke says carefully to Mercedes. Mercedes looks like she’s on the verge of tears.

“Fuck this.” Finn curses out, shaking his head. “I don’t want to be a part of this shit.”

“Well you are, Finn, whether you like it or not.” Clarke spits out. “So why don’t you try and be a decent human being for 12 seconds.”

Everyone in the room is stunned into silence after that. Nobody ever really calls Finn out on his shit. Lexa assumed Clarke would be the last person to have an outburst like that. 

“Baby what’s going on? Are you okay?” Lexa walks over to Clarke and cups her cheeks. Suddenly a very horrible idea pops into her head. Her stomach is in knots and anger courses through her veins just at the thought. “Did Finn hurt you?” Lexa grits the words out.

“Oh no. Lex no, it’s nothing like that.” Clarke assures her and Lexa calms a little but she’s still very confused and now she’s getting frustrated. “Well can someone please fill me in then? What the hell is going on?” Lexa says to nobody in particular. The room goes silent again.

“Lexa..” Mercedes starts out, her voice shaky and lacking its normal confidence. “I..there’s something I need to tell you.”

Lexa nods and waits patiently for Mercedes to continue speaking. Lexa hasn’t really seen much of Mercedes. She has been to doctor’s visits with her but that’s it. She regrets not being there more but she has had so much going on lately. Lexa promises herself to be there more for the mother of her child. 

“Okay..is something...is it the baby?” Lexa asks worriedly, grabbing Clarke’s hand for strength. Did something happen to their baby? Dread fills Lexa’s stomach. Suddenly, Lexa can’t stop thinking about the child she wasn’t ready for. She can’t stop thinking about how even though she wasn’t ready to be a parent, she still loves the little bug and it hasn’t even been born yet. 

“The baby is fine.” Mercedes assures her quickly and Lexa relaxes slightly, still unsure where this is going. “But..it might not be yours.” Mercedes says and immediately the color drains from Lexa’s face. She clutches onto Clarke’s hand for dear life.

“What? You lied to me?” Lexa is in disbelief and disgusted. How could she lie like that?

“I really thought this baby is yours..I still do. I just...me and Finn slept together twice around the same time we were together...so there’s a chance the baby is Finn’s, not yours.” Mercedes hurries to explain, the immense guilt evident on her face. “I couldn’t hold this in any longer. All this stress and guilt isn’t good for the baby. I wanted to tell you sooner but my parents kicked me out and I had nowhere to go and I thought if I told you, you would have kicked me out.” Mercedes is on the verge of tears. Lexa stands there in shock. “Just please say something.”

Lexa looks at everyone in the room. Finn is standing there, fuming and pouting. Mercedes is basically shaking. And Clarke is looking at her worriedly.

“You knew?” Lexa asks softly, not wanting to believe that Clarke knew and didn’t tell her. She really hopes that isn’t the case. Deep down, she knows Clarke would have told her if she knew.

“I just found out a few minutes out Lex.” Clarke says gently, aware of how emotionally fragile Lexa must be right now. Lexa swallows heavy and nods.

“Lexa..I’m so sorry.” Mercedes says quietly, begging for forgiveness.

“You’re sorry.” Lexa softly laughs but it’s bitter. Lexa shakes her head and rubs the back of her neck. She feels completely awake and sober now.

“I think you two would make great parents. I don’t think I have any place in this equation.” Finn says weakly, still trying to get out of this without his parents finding out. 

“Collins, stop trying to weasel your way out of your responsibilities. If this baby is yours, you need to own up to that and be a parent. Don’t be that person. It will follow you for the rest of your life.” Lexa says honestly. She feels like she’s in a state of shock. She doesn’t know how she’s acting this calm. The old Lexa would have freaked out and ran away from her problems. She feels much calmer though with Clarke, her rock, by her side.

Finn just bites her lip and shuts up. Everyone is quiet, trying to gauge Lexa’s reaction right now. Even Clarke is worried about her. Clarke holds her hand tighter, to remind her that she’s there for her now and always.

“I need to know the truth. We all do. We need a paternity test. There’s no use fighting or talking about this further until then.” Lexa says firmly. Mercedes looks to the floor and nods and so does Finn. Lexa looks over at Clarke and the blonde can see the utter exhaustion and anger in her eyes. Clarke looks back at her though and somehow, Lexa knows it’s all gonna be okay. 

///

_3 weeks later_

“So is that all of it?” Lexa asks Mercedes as she finishing packing away her last suitcase into Finn’s car. Very soon after that talk that night, they all agreed to a paternity test and immediately went for the test. The test results came back, revealing that Finn is in fact the baby’s other biological parent. 

Lexa felt relieved but at the same time a little empty. There was a period where she kept imagining her little baby in her arms, taking care and loving the infant. It was a weird process of almost mourning but Lexa knows everything happens for a reason. 

Finn’s parents stepped up and offered for Mercedes to stay with them. They are still trying to convince Finn to marry Mercedes, an idea that Mercedes also likes because then her parents with accept her again. Finn is thinking about it but only if they can have an open marriage. He keeps bragging to the basketball team that he ‘stole’ Lexa Woods’ ‘girl.’ Lexa just shakes her head and laughs. For Finn, reputation in high school is everything. She feels bad for him.

“Yeah..thanks Lexa...for everything.” Mercedes says awkwardly. The tension in the house has been very awkward. Laurel has not held back her anger with Mercedes for lying to her sister. 

“Of course..take care of you and the baby, okay?” Lexa says honestly. “And you know, if you need anything...I’m around. If Collins is ever a jerk…” Lexa trails off and Mercedes chuckles softly.

“Oh I can handle Finn trust me, but thank you..truly for everything. I was so horrible during this whole thing. I caused problems between you and Clarke. I caused so many problems. I just..I really made a mess of this all, didn’t I?”

“I mean honestly, this could have all been avoided if you didn’t lie..but I get it. You were scared and your parents were kicking you out of the house. I really understand. And as far as me and Clarke, we had problems because I lied to her. That was on me. Just focus on being the best mom you can be now, okay?” 

“Yeah..it’s a scary idea. Me as a mom.” Mercedes says and lexa nods.

“You’ll do great though.” Lexa says softly. Despite all the lying, Lexa doesn’t hate Mercedes. She just wants to put all this behind her and move on. Mercedes nods and moves towards the passenger seat door of Finn’s car. She turns around and looks at Lexa.

“Clarke is really lucky.” Mercedes says simply. 

Lexa smiles, to herself mostly. “It’s the other way around.”

Lexa goes back into the house, feeling a weight lifted off her shoulders. Everything is slowly falling into place. Her and Clarke are back together and stronger than ever. They are working on communicating much much more. Beatrice hasn’t come around since her father’s funeral. And her emancipation process is almost completed. Everything is okay right now.

“Hey baby..” Clarke says as she comes up from behind Lexa and wraps her arms around her. “Wanna watch a movie and fool around?” Clarke says and Lexa chuckles, turning around so that she’s facing Clarke.

“How could I say no to that?” Lexa says softly and kisses her girlfriend tenderly. Clarke knows how hard this whole Mercedes thing has been on her so she figured a movie and some love might be a good way to keep her spirits up.

“I pick the movie, you pick the snacks?” Clarke says hopefully. She really wants to watch ‘Pulp Fiction.’

Lexa chuckles and kisses Clarke’s forehead. “I already know you’re going to pick ‘Pulp Fiction,’ Clarke.” Lexa smiles and Clarke gives her a quick peck.

“Well I already know you’re going to pick strawberry ice cream and pretzels as our movie snack.” Clarke quips back. Lexa smiles wide. How did she get so lucky? It’s moment like these that make her heart beat so fast. Clarke, bare faced and with her hair in a messy bun, lazing around the house in pjs. Clarke’s soft lazy kisses and contagious laughs. This is her everything and Lexa is positive that it won’t get any better than this. Clarke is it for her. And she couldn’t be happier about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Here's another small little chapter. I really wanted to wrap up the Mercedes plotline. Now Clexa is finally in a good place! But will it last? Time jumps are ahead as well so get ready for those. 
> 
> Enjoy!! And please comment what you'd like to see next. I already have a plan of where I'm taking this story but I'm also open to suggestions. Plus, I just love to hear feedback because it motivates me to write more. See ya next time :)


	25. Polis has changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 YEAR TIME JUMP! Things have certainly changed in Polis...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for any mistakes!

_5 Year Time Jump_

“Fuck that feels so good. Fuck Lex…” Clarke moans out as Lexa continues going down on the blonde, her tongue creating soft long strokes where Clarke desperately needs her most. “I’m really..close...oh god!” Clarke’s eyes roll into the back of her head and her back arches off the bed. 

Lexa uses one of her arms to keep Clarke in place while the blonde rides out the rest of her orgasm. Once Clarke has recovered from her orgasm, they start to put their clothes back on. 

“So that was a lot of fun.” Clarke says, as she puts her panties and shorts back on. Lexa nods as she throws her sports jersey back on. 

“Yeah it was great as usual.” Lexa says softly. She loves being this close with Clarke. 

“Well I better get going. I’m meeting your sister at the usual coffeeshop in town.” Clarke says casually and Lexa nods slowly.

“Oh okay cool. Laurel didn’t mention that to me earlier when I saw her.” Lexa says curiously. She asked her sister her plans for the day and she remembers Laural being a little hesitant to give her an answer.

“Well I mean to be fair, she does think we still aren’t on speaking terms.” Clarke says lightly. Lexa tenses slightly. She hates this part, the part where they have to come back to reality. A reality where her and Clarke are no longer together.

“True..” Lexa says quietly, the air around them changing. 

“So yeah, I should…” Clarke trails off and Lexa nods again.

“Right right, yeah..I’ll see you soon maybe?” Lexa says hopefully and she curses herself for how weak she sounds.

“Of course. I’d love to see you again.” Clarke says honestly, her voice cracking a bit. Clarke looks unsure for a moment before going in for a hug. Lexa tenses for a moment but then hugs her back. They stay like that for quite some time until Clarke pulls away, leaving one loving kiss on Lexa’s cheek.

“Take care of yourself, Lex.” Clarke says and Lexa smiles gently, her eyes a little sad. She hates to watch Clarke walk away.

“You too Clarke.”

God, watching Clarke leave gets harder and harder each time.

///

“So are you seeing anyone new?” Laurel asks curiously before taking a sip of her coffee. Her and Clarke have remained immensely close over the years. Laurel just graduated college and is now in her first year teaching at their old high school. She’s a english teacher and she absolutely loves it.

“You already know the answer to that.” Clarke says wistfully. Laurel looks at her sadly.

“It’s been over a year now..” Laurel says carefully. She knows how sore of a subject this is for both Clarke and Lexa.

“Yeah..” Clarke says simply. “But I still love her, Laur.” 

“You know she loves you too right?” Laurel says honestly. “You two are the only things standing in your way of being together again.”

“I can’t. The last time it didn’t work out, it broke me...her too. I can’t put either of us through that again.” Clarke says sadly and Laurel shakes her head. She loves Clarke and Lexa to death but boy are they stubborn.

///

“Are you going to be okay with seeing Clarke tomorrow?” Octavia asks Lexa as they flip through the TV channels. “The whole crew is getting together at Club Trikru. It’s the first outing of the summer. You know she’s coming.”

“Yeah I know..Me and Clarke are mature adults. We can be in the same room.” Lexa replies evenly. 

“I know, I know. You sure though?” Octavia asks warily. Lexa and Clarke were the class sweethearts for their high school graduating class. They were perfect, the couple everyone envied. Everyone thought they were going to get married right out of college. And now that they aren’t together anymore, nobody is sure how to act around both of them at the same time.

Clarke wasn’t home for summer break last year as she was doing an internship in South Africa. So her and Lexa hadn’t really seen each other since this past winter, which was filled with a whole lot of emotional baggage and drama. 

“It’s okay Tav. It’s been a year.” Lexa replies weakly. She’s not sure what her and Clarke are doing right now, but she knows for certain that their friends can’t know..yet. It seems like they’re just sleeping together, which breaks Lexa’s heart. She has always wanted more with Clarke. She went from being with Clarke emotionally and physically, mind body and soul, to nothing at all and now back to being with her physically. These past few years have given her emotional whiplash.

“So are you saying you finally have moved on?” Octavia asks, surprised.

Lexa smiles sadly and looks off. “Not a chance in hell.”

\\\\\

“Hey guys” Clarke says with a wide smile on her face. Her eyes drift to Lexa and she’s all nerves though.

“Clarke!” A series of cheer and hellos are thrown her way. Lexa offers her a small, timid ‘hi’ before scurrying off to get a drink. Octavia and Laurel observe the longing glances both girls are throwing at each other from across the bar. Octavia looks over to Laurel and just from the look in the older Woods’ eyes, she knows she agree with her; this is going to be a really long night.

“Clarke, come hang out a bit!” Roan calls out happily. Roan was overseas in the army while Clarke and Lexa were in high school. Lexa heard of him nonstop from Bellamy and Octavia but she never really knew him until a few years ago when he moved back to Polis. He moved back about three years ago when Clarke and her were still together. 

Lexa was still in Polis so she got to know Roan pretty well and decided he was a decent enough guy. She knew he was one of Clarke’s close friends growing up. Clarke adored him. But now, now Lexa sees Roan very differently. And after everything that happened last winter, she still really isn’t over it.

///

_Last Winter Break_

_Lexa and Clarke have been broken up for about half of a year now. They broke up in spring of their sophomore year of college and it is now winter of their junior year. They haven’t seen each other since their break up. Clarke didn’t want to come back over the summer so instead she applied for a internship in South Africa and went without looking back. It hurt too much to be back in Polis. But now, Clarke is back._

_“Lex..you’re staring at her again.” Costia says while sipping her beer. Clarke has been back in town for a few weeks but she hasn’t really come out with the group much, opting to catch up with Roan most of the time. Lexa would lying if she said she wasn’t jealous._

_“I can’t help it..” Lexa says with a frown on her face. “Why is she hanging all over him like that?” Lexa says annoyed. Costia sighs lightly. “What? Why are you sighing?” Lexa asks, frustrated._

_“Lex, she isn’t ‘hanging all over him.’ She’s just talking to him.” Costia supplies honestly. Clarke and Roan seem to just be talking with some other friends. The party is at Bellamy’s apartment so of course Roan was going to be there. Lexa is just jealous because Clarke is spending all her time with him. Truthfully, Clarke has been avoided big hangouts with the group because it hurts too much to see Lexa but not be with her._

_“Do you think they’re hooking up?” Lexa blurts out randomly. Costia’s eyes widen in surprise._

_“Whoa there. Calm down with the assumptions.” Costia says lightly. Lexa and Costia have become good friends these past few years. Costia came back to Polis after she graduated college. Lexa actually helped her get an interview at Woods, Inc. and now she’s working there as a human resources manager._

_“She has to have been with people since we broke up. And look at the way he is looking at her.” Lexa blurts out insecurely. She hates this. She hates this so much._

_“Lexa.” Costia says firmly, snapping her fingers in Lexa’s face so she stops staring at the blonde. Lexa looks at her reluctantly. “You need to stop this. I doubt they’re hooking up. Even if they are, you two are broken up. You have been with people since the break up so you don’t have any right to say anything right now.” Costia says honestly. Lexa huffs in frustration and hangs her head in guilt._

_“Fuck this..” Lexa shakes her head and goes off to get another beer. Clarke frowns when she looks up and observes what seems to be an argument between Lexa and Costia. Clarke decides to follow Lexa into the back of the house to check on her and see if she’s okay._

_“Lexa?..” Clarke starts looking in back bedrooms for Lexa, already having a bad feeling about this. “Lex?”_

_Clarke opens the another bedroom door and her eyes widen. Her heart starts beating really fast and her hand squeezes the doorknob tightly. “Um s-sorry.” Clarke shuts the door quickly, tears springing at her eyes. The blonde shakes her head and hurries out of the house. Coming back to Polis was such a mistake._

///

“How’s everything, Roan?” Clarke says with a polite smile on her face. After everything that happened last year, she’s trying to be much more careful with Roan’s feelings. She didn’t know it this past winter but Roan had feelings for her.

“Good. Just started a new gig with private security. Money is really nice. What about you?” Roan replies sweetly. Clarke smiles. She really did miss her friend. 

“Last year of college is coming up then I’m not sure. There are a lot of museums I can work at once I graduate.” Clarke replies casually.

“Would you ever think about moving back to Polis?” Roan asks curiously. Lexa’s head jerks up at that question. This was their biggest problem. Lexa was still in Polis and Clarke was across the country. Of course, it was much more complicated than that though.

Clarke looks up and immediately makes eye contact with her ex. Of course Lexa is so much more than her ex though. Lexa looks like she’s hanging on her every word. “There’s always a chance.” Clarke says with a sad smile, her eyes never drifting from Lexa’s intense gaze.

Lexa’s heart starts beating faster. Clarke didn’t say she was moving back but she did say there was a chance. And as long as there’s a chance, Lexa will never give up.

///

“Clarke, you have to be quiet or else everyone will hear us.” Lexa groans gently as she continues thrusting in and out of Clarke. Clarke moans softly as Lexa pumps her hips. They are up against a wall in the Woods house. After the club, everyone decided to go back to Lexa and Laurel’s house. Clarke hesitantly came along but now her and Lexa are having sex against the wall of Lexa’s bedroom. They couldn’t even make it to the bed.

“I don’t know...if I can be quiet.” Clarke moans out. Lexa starts thrusting quicker and faster. Clarke yelps out in pleasure.

“We are making too much noise.” Lexa whisper moans out. She’s so paranoid of everyone finding out they’re sleeping together. If the group finds out, she’s terrified they will ask too many question and Clarke will just end this before it even has a chance to begin again.

“Bed then..” Clarke moans out and Lexa nods in agreeance. She carries Clarke over to the bed and removes herself from Clarke’s inner walls. Clarke all but pouts at the loss of feeling full. 

“Get on your hands and knees baby-..um shit sorry.” Lexa stutters out. She called Clarke ‘baby’ just like she used to. Shit, that’s a good way to make it awkward. Clarke tenses for a second but smiles sadly and waves Lexa off.

“It’s okay Lex. It was just a slip up.” Clarke whispers gently and then proceeds to get on her hands and knees. Instead of focusing on how she wants this to be more than ‘just a slip up,’ Lexa situates herself and slowly starts to push into Clarke. Clarke moans out loudly, but this time puts her face in the pillow to muffle the sounds of pleasure. 

Lexa starts thrusting into Clarke, feeling like bliss. Lexa is so close embarrassingly quick. Before these past few hookups with Clarke, she hasn’t really had sex in a long time. It was surprising to everyone, herself included, that Lexa didn’t revert back to her player ways after her and Clarke broke up. She supposes that means she has grown as a person.

“Clarke..” Lexa moans out and her hips start to jerk sloppily and faster. She’s so fucking close. She can’t control herself. Clarke grips at the sheets and moans obscenely loud, but since it's into the pillow, the sounds are very muted. Lexa can feel Clarke’s walls start to grip her member as the blonde comes. Lexa can’t hold it anymore and starts to come herself. The feeling of coming with Clarke is one of her favorite feelings in the world. It’s everything to Lexa that she gets to experience this again. She never thought she’d get that. 

Lexa pulls out and disposes of the condom while Clarke lays breathless in her sheets. Lexa hesitantly lays next to Clarke and the blonde invites Lexa under the covers with her. Lexa looks over at the blonde and Clarke is already staring up at her with her big entrancing blue eyes.

“You know everyone downstairs is probably already asleep.” Clarke says, still a little out of breath. Lexa nods in agreeance. When they snuck upstairs earlier, almost everyone was asleep or engaged in some drunk conversation with one another. Nobody would miss their presence when they were that drunk. Lexa and Clarke weren’t drunk though. I guess both girls knew that if they got too drunk around one another, truths would start to come out. Truths like the fact that they both still love one another.

“Yeah probably.” Lexa mumbles softly. Lexa takes a chance and caresses Clarke’s face, moving some stray sweaty strands out of her face. Clarke looks up at her with wide hopeful eyes and Lexa feels like she has done something right.

“You can stay here if you want to.” Lexa adds gently. She knows Clarke is going to say no but it’s worth a shot anyways. Clarke bites her lip in contemplation. She wants to say yes but she’s afraid. Then everyone else will know that they are sleeping together and assume they’re back together. And Clarke has no idea what Lexa wants from this and she’s too afraid to ask her. Clarke broke after Lexa and her ended last time. She couldn’t take another heartbreak. 

“I can’t..” Clarke replies regrettably. Lexa looks like a sad puppy dog but nevertheless nods. 

“Yeah I figured..” Lexa shrugs with a sad smile.

“But I can stay here and talk for awhile..” Clarke adds hopefully. She isn’t even sure if Lexa wants to talk to her. Maybe this is just physical for her at this point. But deep down, Clarke hopes it’s much more for Lexa as it is for her. “Unless you are like tired and want to go to bed.” Clarke blurts out insecurely. 

“No no, you should stay for as long as you want. I’d love to talk. We can catch up. I don’t think we’ve really talked since...well since this started.” Lexa says nervously and Clarke smiles. They really haven’t talked. They started sleeping together the first week Clarke got back for the summer, which was about three weeks ago. Lexa came to visit Jake but he wasn’t home. Her and Jake have remained very close since the days where she lived with them before her emancipation was approved. But Jake wasn’t home and Clarke was. Clarke came home a few days early to surprise her father but it turns out he was upstate visiting his new wife Indra’s sister and her family for the day.

So Clarke and Lexa were alone. It was like a switch flipped or something and all of a sudden, Lexa had Clarke under her on the couch where they used to stay up all night watching cheesy romcoms that high school Clarke loved so much. They had sex and it was the start of this no communication but lots of sex arrangement. It hurts Lexa because her and Clarke were always so good at telling each other how they feel. Their communication was always great, especially after all the Mercedes drama. But just like a year ago, their communication now is failing. Maybe tonight could be a chance to finally fix this and talk once and for all.

“So how have you been Lex?” Clarke starts off light. She feels very vulnerable right now, not just because she’s finally having an open honest conversation with her ex after a year of wanting this and only this but also because she is very very naked under the covers.

“Do you want an honest answer?” Lexa asks quietly. She isn’t sure if this is going to be a conversation just filled with pleasantries or a real one. 

“I always want honest answers. You never have to lie to me or feel the need to hide how you really feel.” Clarke says truthfully. Lexa bites her lip the way she always does whenever she’d thinking.

“Well then I’ve been pretty bad.” Lexa says with a small shrug of her shoulders. Clarke frowns at this. “I miss you like hell and it’s been really lonely in Polis without you.” Lexa says, her voice shaky and cracking. Is she really doing this right now?

“Oh..” Clarke says in surprise. She thought Lexa might have been over her at this point. She has all her new friends from her fancy state basketball team. All the girls must throw themselves over her. Meanwhile, Clarke spends most of her time in the dusty library sections on art history. She rarely goes out and parties, opting usually to hangout with her friends at their apartments or go out to the occasional bar. It’s rare that she will even remotely entertain someone else’s flirting let alone be with them in any way. Clarke thought she was alone in the fact that she hasn’t moved on.

“So yeah..that’s how I’ve been feeling. What about you? How has everything been.” Lexa tries to clear up the awkwardness she’s feeling right now. She didn’t think Clarke would react like that..or at least she was hoping for a little different of a reaction. It’s taking every fiber of Lexa’s being to not get up and run out of the bed from the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment.

“Pretty much the same.” Clarke says simple with a sad smile but her eyes carry so much emotion. “It has been really hard without you in my life.” 

Lexa smiles sadly and so does Clarke. “We messed this up, didn’t we?” Lexa adds weakly and Clarke looks at her knowingly.

“Doesn’t mean we can’t fix it..” Clarke mutters nervously. Lexa looks at her with an unrecognizable face.

“What does that mean?” Lexa whispers out, too afraid to even speak. She’s worried that she’s interpreting Clarke’s vague words incorrectly.

“I’m not sure..we...I still care about you, Lexa. I..we both made mistakes but that doesn’t mean we have to let our connection die out with it.” Clarke says gently. She doesn’t want to propose trying again if that’s something Lexa isn’t even thinking about. Not to mention, the problems they were having still very much exist. Clarke is across the country. Lexa decided last minute to accept the scholarship offered to her from the Polis U instead of going to Ice Nation College with Clarke. It caused many problems but they tried to make it work. Their lives are so different now though. Clarke is going into her senior year at Ice Nation and Lexa is doing the same at Polis. Clarke doesn’t know where she will be in a year. It all depends on where she can find a reputable museum to work at. The timing of all of this is horrible. But when is the timing ever perfect?

“Does that mean you want to try again?” Lexa says, trying to mask her desperate hope that that is exactly what Clarke is saying. Clarke looks at her nervously.

“I don’t know where I’ll be in a year and as of right now, we are still so far away from one another.” Clarke says weakly.

“That’s not an answer.” Lexa says firmly, anxious to hear Clarke’s response.

“After being like this with you again, I don’t think I could go back to being just exes.” Clarke says quietly, refusing to make eye contact with Lexa. Lexa cups Clarke cheeks and presses her own forehead to Clarke’s.

“Even before this all started again, you were never just an ex to me. You’ll always be more to me, Clarke, no matter what happens.” Lexa whispers before kissing Clarke passionately. It’s different than the kisses they have been sharing these past few weeks. It tinged with sweetness and hope for the future. 

Lexa adds tongue and their kisses begin to grow more sensual, both girls becoming aroused again. Lexa gets on top of Clarke and all her movements are gentle, dare I say loving. When they have sex again, Lexa stares into Clarke’s eyes and it’s everything. They don’t just have sex that night, they make love for the first time since their break up. And it’s the start of something. Neither girls are exactly sure what this all means to one another just yet, but they know it means something. They are more than just exes or fuckbuddies, they are Clarke and Lexa. And they will find their way back to one another again..and this time, when they finally do reunite, it will be for good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sooooo I left some parts of this chapter intentionally vague. Readers got a little taste of why clexa broke up but you will not know all the reasons and drama behind said break up until later chapters with flashbacks. I decided to do a time jump because there really wasn't much drama left for their high school years. Beatrice never became a problem for Lexa, as many readers assumed she would. She just married rich again and lived her life the way she always has. Lexa hasn't seen her since and Laurel rarely has either. 
> 
> Now for the winter break flashback, don't freak out. Not everything is as it seems. That's all I have to say on that for now :)
> 
> Please leave comments! I love to hear your feedback. Until next time :)


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